CNN: We’re here with Arizona Senator Kyrsten Sinema, whose steadfast opposition to the Democrats’ agenda has earned her 8% approval among Arizona Democrats
SINEMA: We’re thankful for the teachers, parents & students for their dedication to education during such challenging times
CNN: Do you think your low approval rating is related to your refusal to support President Biden’s Build Back Better Bill?
SINEMA: Arizona will receive $61 million for wildfire prevention and recovery efforts thanks to our Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Law
CNN: Have you ever questioned the wisdom of keeping the filibuster in place?
SINEMA: The University of Arizona will receive a workforce development grant to boost teacher training in food and agricultural science
CNN: When offered the following alternatives to re-electing you, 40% of Democrats chose “root canal surgery”, 24% chose “living under a freeway overpass”, and 10% chose “appointing Trump President-for-Life”
SINEMA: Our bipartisan Chance to Compete Act improves federal hiring
CNN: Why do you insist on being so evasive
SINEMA: (static; image flickers)
CNN: Wait; are you a *hologram*?
SINEMA: We have introduced a bill to reduce traditional bureaucratic barriers that limit opportunities for federal job seekers
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FOX NEWS: ZOMG SOCIALISM CRITICAL RACE THEORY DEFUND THE POLICE BORDER CRISIS VENEZUELA RIOTING AND LOOTING NAZI VACCINE PASSPORTS EVIL DEEP STATE CABAL DRAG QUEEN STORY HOUR!!!
NYT: Is Biden’s Supreme Court Pick Too Divisive?
R: Biden could’ve selected a moderate, but he had to pick Socialism CRT Defund the Police Border Crisis Venezuela Rioting Looting Nazi Vaccine Passports Evil Deep State Drag Queen Story Hour
D: I don’t think the nominee supports those things
R: He clearly wants to divide us all
NYT: We’re here in Fudgewhistle, Montana, to ask residents how they feel about
R: Socialism CRT Defund the Police Border Crisis Venezuela Rioting Looting Nazi Vaccine Passports Evil Deep State Drag Queen Story Hour
NYT: These fact-finding missions are becoming sorta predictable
INTRODUCING COLBY, THE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL LIBERAL WHO EXISTS SOLELY IN THE MINDS OF FOX NEWS VIEWERS
COLBY: I want COVID restrictions to last forever, because I hate personal freedom & I love government control
R: I see
COLBY: I am also OBSESSED with forcing CRT on children
COLBY: It pains me to see any acknowledgment of gender differences at all, and I have made it my life’s mission to change our nation’s laws to accommodate the whims of transgender people
R: Laying it on pretty thick, aren’t you
COLBY: And I’m still REALLY mad that Hillary lost
R: It’s going to be a challenge to make your caricature distinguishable from what we actually think of you
COLBY: Don’t worry, I will fight tooth & nail to prevent any knowingly droll remarks, because humor is my Kryptonite
D: Trump’s going to run again and try another coup when he loses
R: TDS! 😂
FOX: Approximately 75% of registered Republicans believe Trump won in 2020 and would approve of a Constitutional amendment to make him President forever
D: There never was a Republican plan to combat the Coronavirus; you all believed Trump when he said it was a hoax
R: TDS! 😂
CNN: We are now entering our third year of unabated COVID hospitalizations in red states among deeply uninformed yahoos who refuse to take the vaccine
D: The entire Republican platform is informed by racial panic
R: TDS! 😂
FOX: Tonight! Biden demonstrates his helplessness in the face of relentless BLM rioting & looting and filthy immigrants swarming over the border to teach our children Critical Race Theory