Thread by @seanchaibeag

Didn’t expect this comment to take off – I was lending support to a fellow chair user who’d had a traumatic experience many of us have, and this discussion arose. Since it seems to have shocked some bipeds, I want to talk about what to do if you see it.

https://twitter.com/seanchaibeag/status/1488719869579345925

The first thing to remember is, the vast majority of wheelchair users *cannot* afford to escalate confrontations in public. If you’re going to say *anything*, please make sure you’re not Hulking out on the perpetrator – they will take it out on *us*. Aim to defuse, not enflame.

There are two different behaviors to watch for. The first is much more common – a stranger grabbing a wheelchair user from behind and shoving us out of their way like we’re an empty shopping trolley (no “pardon me,” no “sorry,” no acknowledgement there’s a human sitting there).

There’s not much chair users can do to prevent this (some of us do mount spikes on parts of our chair y’all like to grab, fyi) but I do keep my hands on my wheels *as* a hand brake, so some rando doesn’t yeet me across the shop without a word because I was blocking their cheese.

I have occasionally had a bystander say loudly, “How rude! I can’t believe anyone would move another person without so much as an excuse me!” or the like, and it does seem to make a difference in a way that doesn’t escalate the situation. It’s not *preventative*, but appreciated!

The second thing that happens is a stranger grabbing a chair user from behind with no warning and just *racing off with us* (as in my opening comment). It’s more common the smaller you are and the smaller you *chair* is, which means it happens more often to kids than adults.

*Why* do they do it? I do not know. Most of the time it seems to be a certain type of guy having a hardwired “Wheels! Wheels are fun! I will joyride the wheels!” moment without bothering to process that they have encountered an already manned vehicle, so to speak.

But not always. I’ve had mothers tell their children to “wait right here” & take me for a spin (rare, but it’s happened!). Generally, when they've had their fun drag-racing me without consent, they mumble “sorry” & walk off– no offer to help me back to where they stole me from.

So if you see someone pushing a wheelchair user really fast and you’re not sure if it’s consensual, what to do?

1) Don’t panic. 99% of the time it’s people who know each other horsing around just like bipeds do. Going fast is fun, as long as you trust who’s steering!

2) If you’re still not sure, a “how’s it going/everything alright?” addressed to the person in the chair - *not* the one pushing! – is a good idea *if* you feel safe doing so.

I check in this way with fellow chair users (strangers) and I’ve had chair users and bipeds say it to me, and I’ve never had anyone *not* know why I was asking, or not known why I was being asked. We know why you're asking.

And yes, it does mean sometimes people ask me if I'm okay when it’s a friend pushing me fast, but no harm done – I say, “Great, thanks!/Yep, they’re with me!” and everyone can relax.

Takeaway: It is okay to say something. Ableds calling out this behavior helps make it less acceptable over time. But please be mindful of your own safety, *our* safety, and the consequences of *your* actions. If you provoke a fistfight, that’s not helpful.

If you jump straight to calling the dude pushing me an a***hole because you think he’s kidnapping me and it turns out to be my boyfriend, we’ll be annoyed and you’ll be embarrassed.

Lastly, a massive thank you to everyone who didn't realize these things happened and have pledged to look out for it. Yes, I *have* had a "no" answer, albeit only once, from a small terrified child who was being taken for a joyride.

That's also where the consequences of your actions come in - having heard "no," I intervened, got him away from the joyrider and helped him back to his family - because I was prepared for that possibility before I asked. Don't ask if you don't have a (safe!) plan for "no".

Good point from Seraphina; I've had this happen too. It's deeply disorienting, especially if you like the person in any way (inc. as friends). On one hand, how flattering! On the other, I'm being restrained without my consent, & that's creepy. Get consent!

https://twitter.com/_IAmSeraphina/status/1488950880380542982

As for defusing this one as a bystander, an abled friend of mine had a perfect response once - "That's an awesome way to make sure Meg's only *half* listening to you while gaming out how to escape from you if you escalate that restraint s***, jsyk!"