My grandmother is a trader, a very popular, rich and well known one in our home town
She sells a lot of things (food stuff, charcoal, sponge, pepper etc)
Naturally, rats hover around her stores to feed and as a result she got some cats.
These cats are very useful and friendly,
I got to love cats as a result of my relationship with my grandmother.
Cats like people are of different sorts, some are homely and nice and some others are criminals.
One of the cats happened to be a criminal, it is black and very notorious
If my grandmother wanted to cook fish,
This cat will wait until she finished cutting the fish and cleaning it and then it would jump down like a whirlwind and carry the entire fish and the polythene bag holding it.
By the time my grandmother starts shouting “Ole, Ole” meaning thief, thief
This car would have scaled
the wall and made away with everybody’s pieces of fish meant for lunch.
The cat doesn’t strike everyday
Once it had done its evil deed it would keep away from the house for a week or two until nerves have calmed and then it would strike again
I promise you that cat was so evil
We nicknamed it “Anini”
If I kick that cat (I never did because it was so fast that nobody caught it anytime it stole), I think I will be justified.
It denied me my balanced diet on more than five occasions and sometimes it’s appearance would scare all of us out of our wits!
What can adidas do to me now that I said I would have kicked the cat?
Maybe they will make some crocodile skin shoes, or alligator skin purses or snake skin belts
Just to get to me…
It is however better to kick the cat than to kick the bucket.

Thank you
Ps: @KurtZouma I am very sorry for your trouble at this time, extend my regards to your brother too.
Kindly read my last tweet, I mean the one before this, it says something about bucket!
If a cat gave this much trouble, I think you know what to do.
Bathe it and kiss it!
Gettit?

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More from @GbengaWemimo

Feb 12
The king became too frail to move about
They even had to get a young maiden to keep him warm at night
And he was only 70 years old
A man who was once so full of life was fast ebbing away
The smart move was for him to choose his successor
They all waited with bated breathe to see
the king's choice
One thing was certain, his successor would be one of his sons
The crown prince had been tragically slaughtered a few years ago
The one who killed the crown prince had also been killed after he usurped the throne but failed to win the battle against the king's
mighty men
The next in line was Adonijah
He was the obvious choice at that moment in time
The only objection against his ascension would be his ancestry
Hews would rather have a King with a pure bloodline
Adonijah's mother was from Geshur
Gashur was a tiny kingdom that paid
Read 25 tweets
Feb 10
I remember my first real valentines day like yesterday, I remember it because it was the last valentines day I ever celebrated in my life
That day in 1996 was a day of suffering and tears for me
I was in the boarding house at this period of my life
I didn't know
what pushed me to ask one lady to be my girlfriend towards the Christmas break of the previous term
She agreed
I had a friend and roommate called Gbengele, he also asked a lady out and she said yes
We both felt like big boys when we got to the hostel and told our friends that we
"toasted" babes and the babes actually said "Yes"
Wow
It was quite a feat those days
What we didn't put into consideration was the responsibility that goes with keeping a relationship
We were both from average families, our school fees and boarding fees got paid on time and we
Read 25 tweets
Feb 10
The power of “independence”
Dave Chappell did a series of comedy shows, chart busters.
Some people protested, some even staged a walk out
The man had it
His talent was not dependent on contracts and endorsements
He came out again and the people said “You’re not cancelled”
Another guy somewhere cracked a joke using his child as an illustration
The same set of people heard that he was chosen to host the Oscars and they got on his case until that opportunity was taken away from him and he had to apologise several times on live tv for his comments
Both of them are comedians
One was bullied easily because he had his livelihood in the hand of others
The others couldn’t be bullied, he had a track record of not caving to pressure
I learnt this lesson a long time ago, that in order for me to live my life on my terms
I must owe
Read 16 tweets
Feb 7
They were her first two children or shall we say her first two living children
She gave birth to the first in 1950
She birthed the second in 1957
In between them, she had three children but they were all still births
For the first child, she went to the local herbalist to check
His future
She was told he would be poor and mostly unsuccessful in life
The second child however was revealed to be the rich one
The blessed one
Her husband was a believer, he loved all his children
She didn’t tell him what she discovered when she went to consult the runes of
fortune
He would be very upset with her for doing such a thing
She really wanted to love the two children equally but she realised she couldn’t
The one that was revealed as poor was blunt, uncontrollable and unyielding
The boy just couldn’t stand her
The second son was more like
Read 23 tweets
Feb 2
A couple came to the Abuja hangout yesterday, the lady spoke for the guy. She said he had applied for visa several times without any success, she said he is very intelligent and has a very great potential but his life has been stagnant
She said she met him at a library and they
had a very deep discussion
She said she was blown away by his depth and knowledge
The guy was quiet
He didn’t say a word, he was just looking at me
I also listened very silently as the lady stated that she wanted him to prosper and measure up in life
I turned to the guy, I smiled
I said “You’re sleeping with her, even though you know she is married with three children. One of the children is even yours and you are aware of this
You are also friends with her husband, not a close friend but he knows who you are and you are acquaintances
The guy sat there
Read 24 tweets
Feb 1
You must know the word of God!
A man said he is a servant of God, he met a lady named “Nyang” meaning river
He said the woman is having difficulty getting married because of this name because the name means river!
He said his sister has the same name and as a result couldn’t get
Married
He said unless the lady has a child outside of wedlock she will never be a mother!
This sort of prophecy is not from God!
There is another couple, a so called prophecy of God said “Unless another woman is pregnant for your husband you will never have children
Wow!
Hmmmm!
He faithful husband of this woman began to sleep with other women apart from his wife as a result of this
His woman came crying to me, stating that her husband was cheating
I spoke with the husband and believe me, the husband said he was cheating to help his wife so that she can
Read 4 tweets

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