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Kingfisher & Wombat

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Feb 18 • 15 tweets • 1 min read

Horror movie time! It’s the 2021 CANDYMAN this time. (Never saw the first one.)

Well, we got white cops in a black neighborhood, so I’m already tense.

Okay, snappily dressed dude just came out of a scary hole in the wall. Yeah, I’d scream too.

Heavy theme of gentrification. Also, this artist dude is seriously ripped.

The room full of creepy graffiti is always bad! Be careful, artist dude!

Death by urban legend spawns killer urban legend. Okay, that’s nicely laid out.

LISTEN TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND DO NOT SUMMON THE URBAN MURDER LEGEND, MY DUDE

You made it an art installation? Niiiiice.

Fine, yes, the tendency of artists to seek cheap rent and thus be a pioneer species for gentrification is true, but you didn’t need to SAY it.

Unlikable people having sex while summoning the urban legend? This won’t end wel—nope, there it went.

Get that bee sting looked at, dude, it’s going septic.

“There ain’t a dick on the planet good enough to offset a demonology hobby,” is one of the great truths.

So is “You don’t have to be there every time a tortured artist has a psychotic break.” This character is made of truth bombs.

Oh GOOD, you finally went to the damn hospital!

That was really elegantly put together. Not scary, but just really well done.

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More from @UrsulaV

Kingfisher & Wombat

@UrsulaV

Feb 18

I now have HORIZON FORBIDDEN WEST so I will be unavailable for the weekend.

Good accessibility options! Huzzah for extra large subtitles!

Okay, apparently we’ve got hostas, croton, philodendrons…I’m guessing this area doesn’t get a lot of hard freezes.

Read 4 tweets

Kingfisher & Wombat

@UrsulaV

Feb 18

So in my recent horror movie binge watch, I have composed a theory, which I am now going to ramble about for a few minutes. You’ve been warned.

The point where a movie fails for me can pretty much be pinpointed as the moment where I say “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” and roll my eyes hard enough to sprain my optic nerve, a point I shall therefore call the OFFSwitch.

Take POLTERGEIST as the ur-example. That is a terrifying goddamn movie right up until the corpses pop out of the ground, whereupon I go “oh, for fuck’s sake.” And then it’s just not scary. The immersion is blown.

Read 29 tweets

Kingfisher & Wombat

@UrsulaV

Feb 16

Time for my routine mammogram! Let’s see how the tech handles the Wombat Experience.

My first question is always “Is there an emergency release on this thing?”

Got a very chatty tech, the best kind!

ME: Before you squish me, is there an emergency release on this thing in case of a fire?
TECH: Oh yes! It’s not like the old days. I knew a woman who got stuck in one.
ME: TELL ME MORE

TECH: Well, I didn’t see it, but the power went out and the compression is supported to release, but it did not! So she was stuck in compression.
ME: My god! I hope it wasn’t a long power outage!
TECH: I don’t think it was. I hope.
*awkward pause*
TECH: So, left breast first…

Read 10 tweets

Kingfisher & Wombat

@UrsulaV

Feb 15

It’s D&D night and the bugbears have come to negotiate to ask the party to either kill or kidnap the hedgehog archaeologist that they came to rescue.
DIPLOMAT: Prince says take stupid hedgepig and go!

PARTY: We want to do this.
DIPLOMAT: Prince gives you a thousand gold if you kill hedgepig.
PARTY: Why?
DIPLOMAT: Horrible lying hedgepig!

BARD: I’m going to roll insight to see if he’s telling the truth.
PARTY: *proceeds to roll the worst collection of botches and low rolls imaginable*
GM: As far as you’re concerned, this hedgehog is worse than Hitler.

Read 23 tweets

Kingfisher & Wombat

@UrsulaV

Feb 14

I read a gawker article about the origin of teddy-bears, which had no new information, but did include a link to the greatest newspaper clipping I have seen in ages.

It is from 1907 and the headline is “TEDDY-BEARS DESTROY GIRLS MATERNAL INTEREST SAYS CATHOLIC PRIEST.” He goes on to say that girls playing with teddy bears instead of dolls will destroy the race.