Sooz Kempner Profile picture
Feb 21 5 tweets 1 min read
Loads and loads of people died because this government opened too early and locked down too late time and time again. They created an atmosphere where people were cool with 1000+ people dying of COVID a week. I guess that's just how it is now.
It'll be back late this year, death rates will suddenly spike again and anyone who dares say "this is bad and avoidable" will be called...I dunno, anti-British or something. What a crapshow.
Even if you really hate woke snowflake cucks can you just vote the Tories out in the next election coz they're full-on selling off the NHS and I'm sure you'd rather we have one and make it better.
“If the NHS can’t manage it isn’t fit for purpose and should be dismantled” is the most establishment line you could possibly take. It doesn’t make you a free thinker.
Oh and finally, Tory MPs banging on about how mental health is wrecked by lockdowns don’t give a fuck about mental health and will continue to vote for cuts to mental health services, have a great week!

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More from @SoozUK

Feb 21
"The Queen will still be doing LIGHT DUTIES and SHE HAS MILD SYMPTOMS!!!"

She's 95, I don't reckon she's scaling back from bungee jumping while she has a runny nose. What duties was she doing before this?
"Alright lads, I won't be able to help you with the guttering for a couple of days coz I've got bloody COVID. No, no, still working obvs, but just gonna do hoovering and a few emails" - the Queen
People are answering the original tweet seriously. "The Queen has servants and staff" NO WAY REALLY
Read 4 tweets
Dec 24, 2021
Top 10 Holiday Specials:

10. X Factor Final 2009: An opera quartet (actually musical theatre, all met at drama school) vs a builder with a semi-reliable top Bb (who has worked consistently as a singer)! Builder won with a haunting acoustic cover of Welcome to the Jungle.
9. Top Gear Xmas Special 2012: Jeremy puts a Santa hat on a Muslim man in the studio audience before giving a look to camera that makes sick speed through my thorax and gush forth on to the couch and everything I'm wearing.
8. The Wire Halloween Spooktacular 2007: Some people were disappointed with this episode that saw McNulty hiding in corners and jumping out to scare hapless fellow cops but in a show that was known for its gritty realism I felt it was nice to have some frivolity.
Read 10 tweets
Dec 22, 2021
THREAD: This thread is for people who will be at their family home for Christmas and therefore watching #EastEnders for the only time in 2021. Allow me to get you all caught up on the goings-on in Albert Square in its most explosive week of the year! Image
We’ll start with Chelsea and Denise’s wedding storylines! Denise is the wayward Chelsea’s mother and they’re both marrying their fellas on the same day: Christmas Day! That’s nice isn’t it. Image
Denise is marrying her longterm boyfriend Jack who is nice. Image
Read 32 tweets
Nov 24, 2021
THREAD: Today marks 30 years since we lost #FreddieMercury. Here (in thread-form) is a piece I wrote on him for @StandardIssueUK in 2016.
I don’t know when I became a Queen fan but in 1989 I sang Killer Queen for anybody who would listen (I was 4 so literally everybody listened). A song about a high-class escort wouldn’t be anybody’s first choice for a kid to sing but I really knocked that shit out of the park.
Various big moments throughout my life have been scored by Freddie. At our school’s leavers concert I sat at the piano and played Friends Will Be Friends, not feeling remotely self-conscious about the fact that Freddie was a cracking pianist and Sooz Kempner…not so much.
Read 20 tweets
Nov 21, 2021
Oh my goodness we're just a couple of weeks away from the start of my favourite bit of Christmas: reading articles about winter wonderlands that are fucking shit.
"It's been hard enough for kids this year and they were really looking forward to this but it turned out to just be a burger van in a car park and bloke in a Santa costume off of Amazon. Kids are still crying I am disgusted" Image
"Santa's elves were just women who didn't speak English in elf costumes from Ann Summers. The Santa had dirty white trainers on and stank of cigarettes. It was £45 for the whole family and when I asked for a refund the Santa just laughed but not in a 'ho ho ho' way. Disgusted" Image
Read 7 tweets
Oct 3, 2021
THREAD: The Tory cabinet as cars commercially available in Britain in the 1990s.

SAJID JAVID, Minister for Health: Rover 100. A brand you can trust! A modern Mini! One of us! A safe pair of hands? Deeply uncool, woefully unreliable and horribly uncomfortable even in top spec.
NADINE DORRIES, Minister for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport: Vauxhall Frontera. Absolutely no business working in this field but ploughs on regardless, grinding to a withered halt every few miles due to an engine that just can’t hack it. Dangerous bullbars cause deaths.
JACOB REES-MOGG, Speaker of the House: Bristol Blenheim. Expensive, British-made, heavy, pointless, unreliable with evil lurking beneath the bonnet…there are a hundred better options than this and yet he refuses to disappear.
Read 16 tweets

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