Thread by @RussInCheshire

#TheWeekInTory

1. Jacob Rees-Mogg, Minister for Brexit Opportunities and a posturing Regency undertaker, had a busy old week

2. He said "Britain should unilaterally accept other countries’ regulations", a subtle shift from his earlier "regaining our independence" work

3. Then he said there was “no point” in testing produce imported into Britain

4. No 10 said they would definitely not scrap the testing of imports

5. Whitehall insiders were quoted: "Oh, it'll just be Rees-Mogg not knowing what he's talking about again"

6. And then JRM launched a study on the "economic benefits" of reintroducing imperial units, which are: zero

7. Regardless, he espoused our "ancient freedom" to work out how many thrupnies are in a florin before we can buy a scruple of rice. Assuming we import rice any more

8. Brexit cost UK firms had a record £4.5 billion of customs fees (in imperial money), which beat the previous record by 64%. World-beating stuff!

9. Farmers said the govt "shows a total lack of understanding of how food production works" as Brexit destroys their industry

10. We just culled 40,000 healthy pigs because we haven’t got enough staff to care for them or prepare them for the table

11. 200,000 more pigs face the same fate – almost quarter of a million animals thrown in a bin

12. All while we have 2.5 million people using foodbanks

14. Meanwhile Tories got £3m from 6 donors, each of whom – amazing coincidence – were subsequently appointed to top public jobs

15. And an "advisory board" has been formed to meet secretly with the PM, but you have to donate £250,000 to the Tories to join it, because democracy

16. Our last Minister for Corruption resigned at the dispatch box because there was too much corruption for him to cope with it

17. Randy dust-bunny Boris Johnson didn’t bother to replace him, so now we no longer have a Minister for Corruption. Well, plenty for. None against

18. 6th worst plague in human history news: and health experts said it would be "very unwise" to scrap self-isolation

19. So we scrapped self-isolation

20. Johnson declared "we are in a different world"

21. His scientific advisors were asked if they agreed. They all said no

22. Health experts said “It is reckless. It has no public health rationale” when asked if we should scrap free testing

23. We scrapped free testing

24. A govt advisor (non-paying variety) said: “This is against scientific advice, and against what the WHO, BMA, RCN, NHS advise"

25. BMA said this is "premature", "incredibly concerning" and "completely illogical"

26. Johnson said he was "in favour of encouraging personal responsibility"

27. He was asked if he would take personal responsibility if found to have broken the law

28. He refused to answer

29. He's now the first sitting PM in history to be interviewed by police under caution

30. The govt said it can’t afford to provide primary schools with air filters to keep kids safe

31. Then the govt spent £12 million to send a picture of the Queen to every primary school

32. More education: and they launched a plan to scrap tuition loans for poorer students, making it impossible for them to attend university

33. And as part of our a low-carbon plan, the govt is cutting funding for public transport that will mean the end of 1/3 of bus services

34. Having assured us construction companies would definitely pay to replace Grenfell-style flammable cladding, Boris Johnson's emotional comfort turbot Michael Gove now says the taxpayer will fund the £9bn cost

35. 20% of Tory donations come from the construction industry

36. Playdoh minister for shouting at his own demons Dominic Raab proudly announced terrorists would now face polygraph tests

37. "Most psychologists agree that there is little evidence that polygraph tests can accurately detect lies" – American Psychological Association

38. WW3 news: and the EU sanctioned 350 Russian politicians

39. Meanwhile Tories sanctioned 3 Russians, all of whom have been on the US sanctions list since 2018

40. When BBC asked an expert in Russian politics if UK sanctions would work, he gave a one-word answer: "No"

41. Detail-centric dynamo Boris Johnson told parliament he had sanctioned football boss Roman Abramovich

42. When MPs asked him to correct this obvious mistake, he told them he hadn’t made a mistake

43. 24 hours later Downing St said he had made a mistake

44. Tories also sanctioned 5 quite small Russian banks and nobody else, allowing (as Robert Peston said) "anyone who thinks they will be targeted to ship assets out of London by the lorry load"

45. One quarter of the cabinet took Russian-linked donations since Johnson became PM

46. Meanwhile Nadine Dorries, who borrowed her brain from crab, said she was determined to "end the north-south divide" in TV production, and force people to make things outside London

47. And that’s why she wants to close the BBC studios in Salford

48. Rees-Mogg popped back to announce it should be illegal for anybody paid by the state to support Black Lives Matter

49. The IP address of Bob Blackman's office was found removing Wiki entries about money he gets from Azerbaijan days after he denied lobbying for Azerbaijan

50.And finally, Tories have learned from their mistakes, which is why their mistakes are even better the 2nd, 3rd, or 100th time around: Andrew Bridgen is being investigated for alleged paid lobbying, just as Owen Paterson was less than 3 months ago

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