Thread by @delaneykingrox

Just picturing power rangers but the alien technology isn't properly compatible with humans so the masks add sulphur and methane to the air supply, and in pumps the body full of stimulants so the teenagers act like they washed down speed with fifty coffees after they wear them.

The alien computers don't speak English and cannot be updated so they keep accidentally activating stuff... and the megazords when you hook into them try to communicate with you using LSD like imagery.

It's alien technology. You don't have the holes to use this stuff.

"God Becky, you look like shit. Are you on the weed?"

"No... Remember that giant gorilla chicken hybrid that destroyed that one block of flats that Kaiju attack just out of town last night?"

"Yeah. It's weird, you would think after the first ten kaiju that...

...society would react to the constant invasions somehow but anyway Becky stop doing drugs and go be a normal teenager at your normal school."

*through the window a giant hairy octopus with chainsaws for eyes appears just out of town*

Becky- gotta go dad.

Becky- okay, so I gotta remember the dance moves to put on my power suit. Fuck I hate this thing. It smells of toe jam and dog farts.

Okay- step one... hold up the extremely large and obvious brightly coloured alien watch.

Step two- agadoo, doo doo

Step three- push pinapple

Step four- shake the tree.

*Becky morphs into the (color outside of human perception) Power Ranger*

Rhonda: OMG THE PEACEMAKER MOVES GIVES MY SUIT A LASER PENIS look!

Becky: not now Rhonda! We have to stop the Kaiju.

Dave: power rangers... *coughs* form up. And... *wretches* uhg I swear these suits are getting worse.

Shanice: *dry heaves* I can't feel my left side.

Geoff: I think my suit is filling up with a sticky jell.

Becky: Just wait for the stimulants to kick in and...

Karen: OMGOMGOMGOMG I CAN SEE SOUNDS.

Becky: HAHAHAHHAHAHAOMGOMMG

Geoff: mine isn't working.

Shanice: FUCK YEAH GONNA EXPLODING KARATE THE SHIT OUT OF SOME MINIONS.

Geoff: okay, go ahead without me. Buy guys? the jell is reaching my mouth.

Dave: STRIKE A POSE!

Karen: our hand to hand combat moves are not working. Time for megazords!

Geoff: oh god, the jell tastes of... it's like those pink toilet lollys. Guys help!

Dave: wait... you know what toilet cakes taste like?

Karen: megazords! Focus!

Karen: I AM A GIANT GOAT

Later, the plucky teens gather around the giant holographic head of the alien mentor.

Alien mentor: BZZHAGAKK GALK GAKKA MAHK

Becky: uh...

Alien mentor: FRAKKKATATATA TA TA TA

Dave: I guess it's saying 'well done?'

Karen: YEAH, FAKKAKATTATA! HAHA THAT DEEP DUDE.

Dave: you gonna be okay for football tonight? We need our quarterback.

Geoff: my suit took off all my body hair, bleached my skin and turned my teeth and eyeballs blue. So no Dave. I am not.

Dave: gosh darn, it's hard being a teenager.

*behind them Karen runs past of fire*

I am suspecting I should just write this as a comic book.

Post Pubescent Xenomega Protectozorks

Issue one:

Dave: (vo) Every day I wake up and thank my inspirational poster of Maverick from Topgun that I am just a normal athletic popular straight white American teenage guy.

Dave: "You can ride my tail anytime."