An Englishman died and went to heaven. When he got there he knocked long and hard on the door. St. Peter came out and asked his name. "You don't know my name?" the man said. "I'm the Duke of York!" he roared at St. Peter.
St. Peter looked at his list and could not find his name. "Sorry," said St. Peter. You're not on the list. "What do you mean I'm not on the list???" the man thundered. "Don't you not know who I am???"
As a matter of fact, I do," said St. Peter, "But your name is not on the list." "That's not good enough," said the man. "I'm a very important person. I should be on the list." St. Peter explained it's not easy to get into heaven & as an Englishman you have to be kind to the Irish
When the Duke heard this he started to complain so St. Peter told him if had he had been kind to the Irish in his lifetime there might have been a chance.
Well!" roared the Duke. "I'll have you know that I have been very good to the Irish. Why, once I met an Irish beggar who had lost her leg in a confrontation with my security team and I gave her a pound.”
And there was a time before when I met a young boy whose father had been killed by my troops and I have him a pound. Now, what do you say now, Mr. St. Peter?”
St. Peter took a few notes and told the Duke to wait while he consulted with St. Patrick. About ten minutes later St. Peter returned and said to the Duke, "Here's your two pounds back. Now you can go to hell."
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