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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 8

Paddy the Irishman died and was standing at the pearly gates. Saint Peter told him, “In order to get into heaven you have to answer this simple question. What is Easter?”

“Oh sure and I be knowin’ Easter,” said Paddy.
“Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the Last Supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples.”

The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.” St. Peter smiled broadly with delight.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 8

An Englishman died and went to heaven. When he got there he knocked long and hard on the door. St. Peter came out and asked his name. "You don't know my name?" the man said. "I'm the Duke of York!" he roared at St. Peter.

St. Peter looked at his list and could not find his name. "Sorry," said St. Peter. You're not on the list. "What do you mean I'm not on the list???" the man thundered. "Don't you not know who I am???"

As a matter of fact, I do," said St. Peter, "But your name is not on the list." "That's not good enough," said the man. "I'm a very important person. I should be on the list." St. Peter explained it's not easy to get into heaven & as an Englishman you have to be kind to the Irish

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 8

An Englishman visiting Dublin took a taxi to see the city. The Englishman asked his driver "What's that building there?" "That's the Millennium Tower," replied the cabbie. How long did it take to build that?" "About 6 years," replied the cabbie.

6 years? We build them twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long in London, and we do it in 1 year,” replied the Englishman. A short while later the cab passed another large building. "What's that building over there?" asked the Englishman.

“That's the Burlington Hotel," replied the cabbie. “How long did it take to build that?" asked the. Englishman.
“About three years,“ said the cabbie.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 8

An? Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman were in a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful woman got on and sat across from them.

The priest looked at the three with distain and said, "Have ya any decency between ya? You three look like a right pair of fools, but I'll give 50 quid to any of you that can name the three main characters of the Bible."

The Englishman piped up and said, "The Three Kings?" Father O’Malley tutted and shook his head. The Scotsman chimed in with, "God, Judas and the donkey?" This got great laugh from his companions, but the priest, scowling, was unimpressed.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 8

#poetry

last muse

i need a new muse
and this one will be my last
in today's best bloodless tradition
i've laid out my requirements
but they are far from bloodless:

feral manscent
woodsmoke and threedays' growth
strong arms
strong hands
mind sharp as a blade
and sane enough
to know when to be crazy

the heart of a warrior
who knows when to be gentle
and when to be fierce
who knows the truth
and never fears to speak it
in a voice
that can make rafters ring
or a growl
known only to me

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 8

#poetry

uncorrected vision (metaphor for a life)

born unfocused
with a wandering eye
the world a little off kilter
from the time i could see
a halfcrosseyed urchin
glasses at three

years as a pirate
eyepatch and all
an antique stereoscope
the lenticular kind
to bring that lazy eye
to heel

i remember
a steadfast tin soldier in red and blue
and a dog with a plumefeather tail
and squinting and scrunching
face deep in wood frame
to make those pictures 3D

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