Thread by @astarte73

Looks like the last thread was good timing for thirsty #amquerying authors in the #WritingCommunity so how about another on more edits I see often in opening pages?

Basically, you need to build tension from your opening paragraph/lines, and there are so many excellent ways that I can’t name, but here are a few that typically don’t work:

Opening your scene with something shocking/frightful/eye-catching…before your reader has a clue what they’re looking at, what the stakes are, and even who the MC *is*
Boom—you just wasted your energy because any amorphous action isn’t delivering the tension you want

We have no idea of the context, the setting, the characters involved. You know what happens when most people read that? Their eyes glaze.
We need to have our sea legs—even if we’re still wobbly! But we need to have a grasp of what we’re hoping to learn from what you’re showing

The thing that often comes on the heels of such an explosive beginning is a whiplash slow down.

That’s the opposite of *building tension*

And by the time we catch on, the BOOM is in the past & you can’t recycle that 💣; you’ve got to do something new

It’s a wasted effort 😞

The opposite side of the spectrum is when an author conceals information that is important—assuming it’s creating tension

This works if it’s done very deftly & there is enough other stuff being shown that lays the foundation of the plot
(Uncommon, btw)

You don’t want to give away the twist (nor does that usually occur in the first few pages—hard to keep up that mystery effectively!)
But you don’t want to withhold integral info to build your plot.
Let me give an example:

Jane is concerned. Very concerned. Her boyfriend must have done it.
She’s pacing and on the verge of tears and sees the open envelope on the table.
He definitely did it.
Jane calls her BFF and agonizes. But we don’t find out what the issue is until ch 2

This isn’t building tension, it’s frustrating your reader.
It’s hard to build empathy and a connection with a vague crisis that it feels everyone but the reader understands.

If your secret is actually something we need to bond with your MC, don’t hold your cards to your chest

This does not mean you need to take half a page to explain! You can be short and sweet and give a taste:
The envelope was empty. Brad knew it held all her savings for their trip, and now it was missing.

Not a lot of info but enough to understand her stress!

If you hold back that sort of stuff for page 7, it’s likely an agent/editor won’t read long enough to find out.

They don’t have time to care—they have seventy more queries in their inbox

If the conflict point is vital to the overarching story, don’t be coy.

Another common issue is throwing so much conflict at the reader we don’t have time to dig into our feels about any of them!
Gracious! Jojo’s mom is ill, and she’s losing her job, and her roommate was cheating with her girlfriend, and and and…

All on page 1

Introduce tension and allow your reader to grasp why it matters and then move on to the next (but also, most of us aren’t in the headspace to read a litany of unrelenting traumas).

Give us something to look forward to—you know, that handy old GOAL & MOTIVATION stuff!

Here’s a biggie for my ADHD brain (but probably everyone else too!)
Don’t throw fifteen proper nouns at us on page one.
I know you worked your tail off to come up with all of these people/things and you can share them…piecemeal.
Here’s why:

If I’m at a party & meet Carla, Tim, Helen, mark, Barley, & Lulu all at once, I won’t remember their names…or anything else.

If I’m introduced to the Most Copius Griddy, Anonius Megglethum-Platz of Myeyesarerolling, it’s even more difficult.

When you’re using unfamiliar words, we need either a short definition (simple as a little bitty clause) or some robust context clues.

If you make your reader pause to guess what you mean, you may have lost them

Hand and hand with this: I write historical fiction & am a research fiend. I can read an entire book (re: on Absinthe) but only squeeze in two sentences in a 100k+ MS because my book isn’t about Absinthe. It’s set in Paris in 1886, but it’s just world building.

I know you’ve done a lot of work creating and researching—but if that info doesn’t move the plot, it’s not important to your reader (yes, some genres are more forgiving than others & some authors careers are built on this!)
It’s not terribly likely you will be that outlier

Skip the stereotypes. 😝

They worked in ‘80’s John Hughes movies—they don’t in modern fiction.

If you describe Roger’s personality by showing he drives a Porsche, he isn’t necessarily the one who looks like an a**hole.

Be creative & twist some archetypes!

Surprise us!

Following on this: clothes don’t usually show personality—if they’re not special.

In romance, we refer to this as dress porn. It’s ok in some situations, but I—& hopefully you—are much more complicated than the shirt you chose to wear last Tuesday.

Further, save long descriptions of looks & clothes. You can drop comments in physical cues: Matthias twirled the end of his chest length beard over a gnarled finger.
But stopping the plot to painstakingly describe the cerulean lace on his three quarter length waistcoat…waste!

So much more but Twitter is cutting me off adding to this thread! 😬 I’ve launched a Patreon account & am adding lots of content & am offering 1-on-1 coaching, & weekly seminars patreon.com/posts/65231772
I’d love to see you there ❤️

And for those asking for a personalized read, here you go! patreon.com/posts/65250755