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Kalie 🇨🇦♿️

@BrvHrt09

Apr 22

When I think abt how hard disabled people are fighting to rollback—not expand #MAiD. Knowing Canada lawmakers don’t even wanna hear from the ppl whose euthanasia they make possible but nothing more. I’m not optimistic. Which is why #DisabilityFilibuster is built on a deeper hope.

I’ll admit I’m not rich in hope either. Not when my govt’s only assistance is in dying. Not when doctors, the healthcare system and policy make me sicker, cause unnecessary pain, disability and trauma. Which is why I thought of this Václav Havel quote from “Disturbing the Peace.”

@DisabilityFili1

Which is why when I think abt Havel’s ‘elsewhere’ as a ‘true source of the breathtaking dimension of the human spirit and its efforts’ I think abt crip spaces like @DisabilityFili1. It’s a heavy weight to individually and collectively carry knowing I am worth-less bc I’m disabled

Read 4 tweets

Kalie 🇨🇦♿️

@BrvHrt09

Apr 19

🧵Medical ableism, med PTSD

12hrs ago I decided I’d go to the ER. I can no longer tolerate this much acute pain that’s been much worse for 4days. I fell down stairs Sat bc of leg weakness, hip instability. I stumbled, nearly fell while standing in place today for the same reason

I did not go to the ER. Not bc I have no cause. Not bc my pain is insignificant. Much less pain has taken me before. I have developed a new symptom in a constellation of them that my dr continues to ignore and dismiss. My mind races w worry about what’s happening and what’s next.

I did not go the ER. I have been talking myself out of going and into going all day. I no longer need doctors and nurses to minimize, delegitimize, dismiss or berate my pain and disability. I’ve internalized their ableism and I have my own abusive voice. It has frozen me in place

Read 7 tweets

Kalie 🇨🇦♿️

@BrvHrt09

Apr 18

My dear friend, roomie and author Gilaine E. Mitchell wrote me this for Easter. Not really an Easter poem but it means a lot that she spent a wk writing this. She doesn’t understand everything I’m going thru and is struggling w me considering MAiD. But she sees, knows, loves me.

Alt Text:

Ditto

I can tell you what she’s like
But it wouldn’t be right
The hands on her clock are
Between numbers, always
There is no exact moment
When she is the same.

She moves painfully, assuredly
Throughout our home
Wrestling with cursed flesh and bone
Tears cried for her own fate.

And then a chuckle from some other room
And a story shared, some article
She’s looked up
Her opinion in parentheses.

Read 4 tweets

Kalie 🇨🇦♿️

@BrvHrt09

Apr 17

@mssinenomine

@mssinenomine Was reminded today of my competitive swimming days when coach would make us tread water for a very long time. Then as extra “punishment” and competition would have us tread with these 10 lbs bricks. They were heavy and awkward enough that you’d have to hang on with both hands.

@mssinenomine

@mssinenomine Hands free treading is tough enough to keep your head above water, esp when you’re tired and your leg muscles are screaming. Load me down w weight, it ain’t long before I’m sucking more water than air, trying to keep my barely above water face, positioned just right to get oxygen

@mssinenomine

@mssinenomine There comes a point that it does not matter how hard you try, how strong you are, even the best swimmer either gets pulled under and sinks. Or has to drop the brick and get out of the water to get air. Either way, you lose.

Read 9 tweets

Kalie 🇨🇦♿️

@BrvHrt09

Apr 17

https://twitter.com/bennessb/status/1490806578035007496

“Maybe your doctor leaned away from you when you brought up your concerns and suggested you see a therapist. Maybe you feel really alone right now. Maybe you’ve been feeling alone for a long time.” /1 #NEISVoid

https://twitter.com/bennessb/status/1490806578035007496

“I want you to know that you’re not alone. I want you to know that there are so many other people who feel uncertain and isolated and scared because something is happening with their bodies that their doctors can’t explain.” /2 #NEISVoid

“Maybe you’re wondering if this is all in your head. Maybe you’re wondering if you brought this upon yourself somehow … Maybe the doubt and the guilt and the wondering have stopped you in your tracks completely.” /3 #NEISVoid

Read 7 tweets

Kalie 🇨🇦♿️

@BrvHrt09

Apr 4

🧵 I would just like to say as someone who recently decided that I would try to qualify for #MAiD. That #C7 expanding state sanctioned sUicIDe to PWD is predatory and fucked.

Do I wanna die bc I’m in too much under-treated pain and drs can’t/won’t diagnose or treat me? #NEISvoid

Or do I want to die bc my life is falling apart? Bc everywhere I turn there is emotional trauma, grief and a crush of overwhelm? Bc I *feel* trapped by circumstances and poverty — by broken and cruel systems and people?

I can’t really tell you. Neither can any dr who would sanction my death. Bc it’s all of those reasons and more. What I do know is that for months, on both my better days and in my lowest moments. My mind keeps returning to #MAiD. #C7 opened a door, I once worked harder to close.

Read 10 tweets

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