you asked what i wanted
in such a gentle way
i felt safe enough
to spill the secrets of my soul
i want to be bathed in silver light
swathed in silk
anointed with the oils of lavender and bay
i want stardust and moonbeams
the silver crescent plucked from the sky
and placed gently in my lap
you smiled
as you reached out an elegant arm
corralled the moon
and turning it upside down
made me your queen
then tilted my head
our mouths almost meeting
eyes locked in perfect comprehension
yours darkening
touching a place i'd almost forgotten
and now you are that stardust
and this memory’s the best i can hope for
a sweet dream to remind me
once i was loved
A Boeing 777 was flying from New York to Paris when it encountered some heavy turbulence over the Atlantic. The captain had a decade of flying under his belt and managed to get through the turbulence without any major incidents.
He switched on the intercom and says, “This is your captain speaking. Sorry for the bumpy ride but the worst is behind us. We should have a smooth flight from now on”.
The captain forgot to switch off intercom, turned to co-pilot and says, “Phew, that was exhausting. I could use a hot coffee and a blowjob right now”. This was of course heard by all the passengers in the cabin.
A Karen boarded a flight to Paris and took a seat in first class that wasn’t hers.
A flight attendant politely asked her to move to her seat in coach. The Karen smugly replied, "I am going to Paris and I will sit wherever I please."
A second flight attendant approached her sternly and demanded she move to coach to take her assigned seat. The Karen shouted loudly, "I am going to Paris and I will sit wherever I damn well please!"
The most senior flight attendant then went to the Karen, bent down and whispered in her ear. The Karen jumped up and shouted, "Well why didn't you say so sooner?!" and stormed off to her seat in coach.
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skidded out of control.
Bob attempted to stop the car but it swerved and smashed into a tree. Several minutes later, Bob shook his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looked over at the and saw his wife unconscious, and her head was bleeding.
Bob carefully picked his wife up and began trudging down the road. After a short while, he saw a light. He headed it, which was coming from a large, old house. He went up to the door and knocked.
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?', St. Peter asked.
Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. ‘On a trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone but they wouldn't listen.”
“So I I walked the largest, most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, threw it on the ground and yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'
There was once a military submarine called the Word Sub.
When the submarine was built, they couldn't come up with a name for it. Eventually, the crew was instructed to call the submarine "any word they want".
They thought it would be funny to name the sub something mundane, so they began to refer to it simply as the "Word Sub".
As the Word Sub was patrolling the ocean, they encountered a fisherman who had been stranded for a very long time and he was starving.
Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows.
Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised their show on dozens of websites.
Before the show, they had the costumes, props, and theater disinfected to protect the health of the actors. However, the sanitizing process left the stage dangerously slippery.