Thread by @Norlaine

So, get comfy, this is going to be long. But it is very important. #cdnpoli #RoeVWade #TruthAndReconciliation

I am going to try to work through this thought process, and I welcome correction from voices I respect...
@ironbow I especially want your take on this.

I am a Canadian woman. I have stood up for the rights of women and girls all my life. I also have sought to be an ally for Indigenous issues and BLM and the LGBTQ2+ community. Everyone has rights. Whether they are recognized or not.

When Roe V Wade was overturned 2 days ago, I felt it deeply. Yes, that is in the US, and so far, only about half the states have a ban. But it is robbing women of their human rights. I felt that deeply for them, and also

grew even more concerned about the movement in Canada that seeks to rob Canadian women of those same rights. Because that movement exists. Anti-choice candidates are promoted by groups like Campaign for Life in Canada.

A lot of money and effort goes into getting these people elected.

I felt grief and rage for my American sisters, and fear for Canadian women. Because there are deep-pocketed organizations that want to see this happen here as well.

In entering the discussion about R V W, it became clear that there were men who defended the SCOTUS decision. And there were many men who tried to tell Canadian women that we shouldn't worry our pretty little heads about it, it can't happen here.

But, knowing what I do about the anti-choice movement in Canada, I know that all that stands between women having these rights and losing them, is an unfortunate surfeit of conservative parties getting elected at the provincial and federal levels.

But then there were the men who popped up and interjected themselves into conversations, saying they felt so much about this, they were heartbroken, they knew just how we felt, they were allies and they shared our pain and rage...

And I dare say, some were just feeling and reaching out and really wanting to be supportive. But some of them, it suddenly became clear to me, were wanting their feelings attended to. They wanted validation. They wanted a pat on the head and to be told they're a good boy.

Because that's what we do, as women, isn't it? We stop doing what we're doing and validate men's feelings. We put our own feelings on the back burner so we can do the emotional work of making guys feel good about themselves. And it made me very angry.

But this anti-abortion movement, this taking away rights from women movement, it's about control. It's about patriarchy. And even if the nicest guy totally rejects patriarchy, he does benefit from it. He gets paid more. He is more likely to be promoted. It's not his fault.

It's how the system works. And that, all by itself, is enraging. But so many of these guys were completely oblivious about how they are complicit in the patriarchal system. You don't see your own privilege. Not unless you really work at it. And you have to be aware to do that.

I told one guy that popped up that this was not a good time to interject himself and his feelings into the conversation. If he wanted to be an ally, great, but don't burden us right now with your feelings, because you really don't know how we feel.

Women are feeling a lot of rage and a lot of grief over this, even if it is in another country. We don't have the emotional capacity to do that work for men right now. He didn't like that. He called me a "feminazi". So, I guess he wasn't really a good guy after all.

But, in this process, and working through why I felt so angry with him and other similar men, I had an epiphany. What he did is just like what people of white, European, settler/colonizer heritage do.

We jump in with our feelings of shame and guilt. Like when unmarked graves are found. We feel bad, and we want to DO SOMETHING. But we have no business burdening Indigenous people with our feelings. Indigenous people are dealing with a lot.

They do not need, want, or deserve the burden of making us feel better about ourselves. Just like women, right now, do not need, want, or deserve the burden of making men (even nice men who want to be allies) feel better about themselves.

This has been a big learning experience for me. I am certainly guilty of thoughtlessly trying too hard. If you want to be an ally, listen. Be still. Learn. Gently, maybe, indicate you are here to be helpful. Then be silent again. When your help is wanted, you will be called.

Until then, deal with your own emotions. Don't look to the victims/survivors of a system you benefit from to make you feel better.

That's it. That's what I needed to say. Thanks for reading this far.