Your words, skyrockets
lighting the dark with
flashes of the unexpected,
escape from a corridor
herding your vast bulk
into the province of alone.
The hand caressing
satinpolished wood
receives no acknowledgment;
ceramic is cold on the flesh;
the life you want hangs
in baroque frames,
reminding you of all you traded
for the promise of a love
that faded long ago.
The narrow bed barely contains
your giant’s body full of
Pennsylvania dreams never lived;
this feast for the senses
is a beggar’s banquet for the heart.
The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County, Texas Sheriff's Department were on one of those team-building weekends out in the woods.
The first night the instructor said, "Right, guys. First night out in the woods! Your first assignment is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a rabbit!"
First up were the Marines. They put on the war paint, loaded up with more guns and ammo than a small African nation and went charging off into the woods hollering and screaming.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, took out twenty dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. “I need t all my time to try to stay alive."
An elderly Scottish Jew decided to slow down and take up golf, so he applied for membership at the local club. After a week he received a message that his application was rejected he went down to the club to find out why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, MacTavish.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear the kilt.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under the kilt?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew.
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So you’re circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that, too.
Secretary: I’m sorry, but the members would not feel comfortable with that.
Boudreaux lived deep in Louisiana down by a river. On the other side of the river lived a guy named Clarence.
Boudreaux hated Clarence and Clarence hated Boudreaux. Every day since they were small children they'd go down to their river banks and yell at each other across the river.
They never really met each other because neither one could swim and neither one had a boat. So for years and years, every day, they'd just cuss at each other across the river.
The Roman army was making its way through Scotland. Their march was interrupted by loud shouting in the distance. The general ordered his men to stop, looked up and saw a highland warrior standing alone at the top of a small hill yelling at the army.
"Come ahead, ya big Jessies, I'll gut the lot of yez!" he shouted.
The Roman general, not one to have his honor slighted, ordered three of his soldiers to end the highlander’s taunts.
As the Romans approached the he stopped ranting and disappeared behind the ridge of the hill. The soldiers followed him and the general heard the clash of steel. After a brief silence the highland warrior reappeared with blood on his kilt and sword.