Thread by @jmaris_

I often hear Americans & rich brits justify buying oversized, polluting vehicles by claiming they need them because they live in the "countryside".

I call bullshit, Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce, the Citroen C15⬇

I grew up in highly rural France: 30 mins to nearest supermarket, many unpaved roads, really tough winters. And yet I rarely ever saw SUVs or Pick-Ups.

Because the French have understood that the C15 represents the peak of what the automobile can be. ⬇

So in this thread, I will compare the C15 to its competition on the basis of objective criteria, and prove that men who buy SUVs and Pick-Ups are, with very few exceptions, compensating for something ;)

Without further ado, the competition:⬇

The Ford Ranger (2020). One of the most popular pickups in the US.

A key selling point is that the cabin is so high you can run over toddlers without even noticing.⬇

The Landrover Discovery, a British staple famous for being the favourite car of renowned pedophile prince andrew, and emitting as much CO2 as a cruise ship.⬇

I will compare the vehicles on the following criterea:
- PRICE TO BUY
- PRICE TO RUN
- CAPACITY
- OFF-ROADING
- SPEED and
- EMISSIONS

with additional bonus criteria at the end.

Lets see how the C15 holds up.⬇

First on PRICE TO BUY:

At the time of release in 1984, a C15 would set you back about €13 000 (adjusted for inflation, euro)

The Cheapest 2018 Ford Ranger will cost you €25k.

A Land Rover Discovery will set you back about €50k

Today, you can get a C15 for €2k

C15 wins.⬇

But what about fuel efficiency? Surely the C15 can't be more efficient than modern cars?!

FUEL COST FOR 100KM RANGE (at €1.86/l):
Citroen C15: 6.3 l/100km - €11.72
Ford Ranger: 11.3 l/100km - €21
Land Rover Discovery: 10.2 litres/100km

C15 Wins again.⬇

I see you, impressed by the C15s fuel efficiency and low price, but you smile "surely", you say "such a small vehicle cannot meet my insatiable craving for capacity".

You are mistaken, dear friend.

CAPACITY:
C15: 2.6m³
Ranger: 1.8m³
Discovery: 0.8m³⬇

In fact, one of my first experiences with a C15 was heading multiple cows inside one. Ask yourself, reader, do you need to carry anything larger than multiple cows?

If not, then the C15 is for you.

There are also convenient benches for humans.⬇

Slowly, you enter the second stage of grief: anger.

"A VAN LIKE THAT WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO OFF ROAD, I NEED TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE DOWN DIRT TRACKS".

Allow me to tell you a story. I was in a C15 at the bottom of a steep, muddy track. Then I was at the top of the track.

The End.⬇

"BUT WHAT IF I NEED TO COMPENSATE FOR THE SIZE OF MY MANHOOD BY DRIVING FAST?!" I hear you say.

Dear Sir, fear not: though the C-15's top speed of 150km/h is vanquished by the slightly faster Ranger (170km/h) and Discovery (200km/h) ...⬇

... achieving such a speed would likely result in your vehicle being embedded into a tree and parts of your internal organs no longer being on the inside of your body. This is not an optimal outcome, so I consider this limitation a bonus. ⬇

But what if you're an environmentally conscious mother who needs to drive the 5 minute walk to your kids' school? Surely, a modern car must be less polluting?

Again, dear reader, you are wrong.

CO2 emissions/km:

C15: 151.5 g/km
Ranger: 178 g/km
Discovery: 397 g/km⬇

In addition to these flagrant examples of the C-15s supremacy, there are several other perks:

- So many were built that any French garage can replace the entire engine for the price of a croissant.
- Space for multiple cows
- Convenient cup holders
- Heating⬇

There is, of course, one final criteria to consider. Many men feel insecure about their manhood, so how does the C15 fare in addressing this problem ?⬇

For this, I conducted a scientific investigation taking into account the following criteria:
- Estimated penis size of owner
- Increase to general sex appeal
- Number of couples who can have sex in the back privately.⬇

Again, the numbers speak for themselves

So ladies & gentlemen, if you really need a fast car to traverse the perils of the countryside, that can go off-road, carry multiple cows, and make you feel better about your manhood, don't buy an oversized pedomobile, or the overcompensator9000.

Get a Citroen C15.

Goodnight 🚙

CREDITS:

Baptiste Pitois for the incredible off-roading video (Check out his YouTube channel):

Unknown for the cows, I downloaded it years ago from FB and can no longer find the post. But we can credit it to French farmers ❤️🚜

COMMON EXCUSES FOR NOT BUYING A C15:

"THIS CAR WILL BE SHIT IN WINTER"

Allow me, if you will, to tell another story: I have friends who live in a deep valley. It snowed a lot. They own an SUV, could not drive out of the valley.

The entire village was resupplied by C15.

"I NEED TO DRIVE THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE AMERICAN CONTINENT EVERY DAY"

C15 has you covered. The odemetres on most C15 have already passed the million mark and reset to 0.

The greatest challenge now is knowing how many times they have passed the million mark.