The problem with #RingsofPower has nothing to do with "woke" or "not being true to Tolkien". 🧵
The problem is: it's terribly written. No character does anything for any reason except to move the plot along. Everything is perfunctory. The pacing is all over the place. No menace.
The problem is: it's terribly written. No character does anything for any reason except to move the plot along. Everything is perfunctory. The pacing is all over the place. No menace.
The dialogue is flat and unimaginative. The structure is feeble.
Structure:
Like any "big cast" show, they should have had 1-2 episodes focussing on relatable characters (as in LOTR) then gradually introduced the others - that way, we care.
I don't care about any of them.
Structure:
Like any "big cast" show, they should have had 1-2 episodes focussing on relatable characters (as in LOTR) then gradually introduced the others - that way, we care.
I don't care about any of them.
I'm kinda curious about who The Stranger is, but I expect when I find out my response will be ... oh.
I don't care if anybody else lives or does. They're all, almost without exception, humourless, flat cyphers, defined almost entirely by hairstyles and costumes.
I don't care if anybody else lives or does. They're all, almost without exception, humourless, flat cyphers, defined almost entirely by hairstyles and costumes.
Pacing:
You get 1000 years of elvish history hurled at you in 15 seconds, followed by what feels like a dawdling fortnight of dwarves singing, or Southlanders being plotless and miserable in the pub. Every episode feels simultaneously rushed and laborious.
You get 1000 years of elvish history hurled at you in 15 seconds, followed by what feels like a dawdling fortnight of dwarves singing, or Southlanders being plotless and miserable in the pub. Every episode feels simultaneously rushed and laborious.
Menace:
There's a "big bad" - Sauron - but absolutely no sense of him as a threat, or of him having a plan, or of him affecting events. A solitary orc turns up. Why? Who knows! But everyone runs away to a tower. Then nothing happens to them for 3 episodes. Aaaagh!
There's a "big bad" - Sauron - but absolutely no sense of him as a threat, or of him having a plan, or of him affecting events. A solitary orc turns up. Why? Who knows! But everyone runs away to a tower. Then nothing happens to them for 3 episodes. Aaaagh!
Motivation:
In Numenor, the Queen Regent is bad and won't do anything to help Southlands, where (as discussed) there is no perceivable threat.
Then FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON she changes her mind and they rush to war. But the "rush" takes 2 episodes JUST TO GET ON A BOAT.
In Numenor, the Queen Regent is bad and won't do anything to help Southlands, where (as discussed) there is no perceivable threat.
Then FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON she changes her mind and they rush to war. But the "rush" takes 2 episodes JUST TO GET ON A BOAT.
Characterisation:
The Harfoots are "sweet and kind", but will immediately abandon one another to certain death if they can't keep up.
The dude hanging out with Galadriel is scum AND noble, and earthy AND kingly, and all of these things at once, but also - none of them.
The Harfoots are "sweet and kind", but will immediately abandon one another to certain death if they can't keep up.
The dude hanging out with Galadriel is scum AND noble, and earthy AND kingly, and all of these things at once, but also - none of them.
The accents - oh giddy skipping Jesus, don't get me started on the accents. The dwarves are Welsh, or maybe Scottish, but only when they remember. The Harfoots are Oirish (from a 1950s John Ford movie) when they're not from Dudley or god knows where.
Even the people who speak in something approximating Received Pronunciation often sound like they're doing it with a bag of marbles stuck under their tongues. I pity the actors, cos it can't be easy making this guff sound natural. But still - why the shonky regional stuff?
And who are they all?
Celebrimbor is brilliant, the elvish king is mighty, Elrond is wise. There's no attempt to SHOW us these things, we're just expected to accept it cos they say so.
Only the Elvish wife has any sense of fun. Being in peaceful Middle Earth seems miserable.
Celebrimbor is brilliant, the elvish king is mighty, Elrond is wise. There's no attempt to SHOW us these things, we're just expected to accept it cos they say so.
Only the Elvish wife has any sense of fun. Being in peaceful Middle Earth seems miserable.
Dialogue
Tolkien was a world-class linguist. It might all be nonsensical elves and dragons stuff, but the language holds you - not a word or phrase breaks the spell. Rings of Power dialogue sounds like it was written by an app. And not a good one either.
Tolkien was a world-class linguist. It might all be nonsensical elves and dragons stuff, but the language holds you - not a word or phrase breaks the spell. Rings of Power dialogue sounds like it was written by an app. And not a good one either.
Design:
It's often beautiful (although the CGI is far removed from the earthy, hand-crafted aesthetic of the Jackson movies). But even the design is derivative - Numenor has a Minas Tirith stone "prow" for no reason. In LOTR it's cos of the shape the hill. Here - no explanation
It's often beautiful (although the CGI is far removed from the earthy, hand-crafted aesthetic of the Jackson movies). But even the design is derivative - Numenor has a Minas Tirith stone "prow" for no reason. In LOTR it's cos of the shape the hill. Here - no explanation
And the design is woefully uneven. The elvish king seems to spend his whole time hanging out on an unrealistic grassy knoll, worrying about a tree, and looking like he's struggling to hold in a fart. The orcish prison looked like a quarry from a 80s Doctor Who episode.
This is what happens when you have money but no ideas. They made this cos they could, not cos they had a longing to see it.
I'm now watching it with a sense of grim determination, as if it's a chore I have to get through.
Season 2: sack the writers. Urgently.
I'm now watching it with a sense of grim determination, as if it's a chore I have to get through.
Season 2: sack the writers. Urgently.
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