Thread by @CCChatMagazine

As a society, we struggle to recognise false presentation.
We even have an acronym WYSIWYG- What you see is what you get which- a computing term, which applies in a wider context.

Except that with #coercivecontrol abusers what you see is NOT what you get.

🧵

Whilst we are told that presentation is important and first impressions count, we seem to *forget* to look behind what is being presented and place reliance on the veneer.

So, of course, we aren’t going to recognise an abuser who diligently strives to come across favourably.

And the MOST IMPORTANT thing we need to understand about #coercivecontrol is that the FIRST THING a controller will do is control the image others have of them.

So they will strive to come across as:

☑️ Soft spoken
☑️ Kind
☑️ Generous
☑️ Charitable
☑️ Popular
☑️ Successful

But before we become adept at recognising the abuser who wants to be seen as a ‘pillar of the community’ and as someone commanding respect, we need to recognise the fallibility of ‘first impressions’.

When people say first impressions never lie, they do. Frequently.

And nowhere is it more obvious than when it comes to differentiating between workhorses and show ponies.

Workhorses do the work without fanfare, without needing endless praise and validation.

Show ponies create the impression of hard working by focusing on being prominent.

Work horses give to charity without needing to announce it to others.

Show ponies are the ones who loudly proclaim their charitable giving.

Workhorses work diligently and quietly
Show ponies practically issue a press release for dropping a pen.

Works horses are concerned with the quality of their work.
Show ponies are concerned with how it makes them look.

In a work environment, workhorses do the work and show ponies swoop in and take the credit.

Why does it matter?

It shows WHO is doing the work and WHO is taking credit.
WHO is concerned with their image and WHO is controlling their presentation.

And yes, not all show ponies are #coercivecontrol abusers
BUT

ALL coercive control abusers are show ponies when it comes to wanting to create a positive image of themselves that isn’t real.