Thread by @renudhinakaran

"Mommy, sometimes a part of me feels like it would be easier to have a different mommy. Not always and not me fully. Am I hurting you by saying this?" I have been preparing for 2 years to answer this question & I aced it! #parenting in #NEISVoid #LongCovid #motherhood🧵1/n

First, I lightened the mood my saying "believe me, I would like to be a different person as well, in a different body". He smiled immediately.
Next, I acknowledged that his thoughts were perfectly rational & had no malice at all. 2/n

I went on to explain that I was not upset. He simply wants to go on playdates with friends without worrying about infecting mommy & making her more sick, or go eat out in restaurants or not be the only kid in class masking. Any kid would want that, any adult would too! 3/n

I apologised - not for being ill - but for him to have to go through all this because there were zero mitigating measures in the community. I thanked him for doing all that he was to protect me and expressed my gratitude. Finally I reassured him that he had not upset me. 4/n

I told him I was proud that he could express such a deep emotion to me without fear of being judged. We made a list of friends whose parents are cooperative (testing, masking)- he can have playdates with them. We decided to do a restaurant dinner at home with his favourites. 5/n

He said he was fully prepared to accept that I will be upset but wasn't surprised I when I didn't get upset. Then he said "You know what mommy, I don't think this conversation would have gone so with any other mommy. I'm glad I have you as my mommy." 6/n

He gave me a hug, a kiss and left the room humming the pokemon theme song. Reader, I won't lie. I left out a big sigh, relieved that it had gone well but then shut myself in my closet and cried. I should not have had to go through this. 7/n

An entire community & medical system's failure brought me to this position. How many mothers and fathers have had to have this conversation? How many husbands and wives? How many of those would have gone as well as mine did? 8/n

I do know one thing though. I'm an incredibly resilient person with endless perseverance. Life is unfair and suffering is everywhere. While it is important to express our feelings, it is equally important to not dwell on them for too long & move on to finding solutions. 9/n

Falling down. Being Hurt. Getting up. Falling down again. Rinse. Repeat. This is how life with chronic illness is going to be. Might as well learn to cope with it in our own ways! I will not lie though - a part of my heart did break today. Not enough to break my spirit though. 10

We are so touched by the kind words here for my son and I. Thank you! Very comforting to read these as I throw up for the fifth time at 4 am (thanks Methotrexate) trying not to wake my husband or son up!