Thread by @CCChatMagazine

Let’s talk about the chronic low self-esteem following a campaign of psychological and emotional abuse.

🧵

We live in a world that sees physical violence as harmful and psychological/emotional abuse as minor.

A significant reason is down to the fact that physical violence is easier to evidence and so, therefore easier to *SEE*.

And whilst this is true, it fails to understand and acknowledge the severe harm that is inflicted in the absence of physical abuse.

And it’s deep-rooted longevity.

There is a lack of understanding (maybe also a reluctance) to recognise the harm that comes from threats, shaming, blaming.

As well as being dehumanised into feeling worthless.

Whether it is constant criticism, being called names, being mocked and belittled or being intimidated, gaslighted or living in fear of what might happen, this has a huge impact on how someone sees themselves.

Blaming and shaming can significantly affect self-esteem especially when it includes isolation as a result of being ignored, rejected, ostracised or shunned.

A person’s self-worth and emotional well-being are altered and diminished by the psychological harm being inflicted.

Over time the emotional abuse can result in chronic low self-esteem where the abuse becomes internalised and the person being harmed starts to see themselves through the eyes of their abuser.

So their criticism of themselves replicates the criticism of their abuser.

They start to call themselves the names their abuser calls them.

They blame themselves for their own shortcomings.

Crucially, they believe that this intense self-criticism is reasonable.

Just when their self-esteem is at its most fragile, having been attacked by the psychological/emotional abuser, the victim attacks themselves even further.

“X is right I AM so stupid and useless and a waste of space”

“I never get anything right”

“ I don’t deserve happiness.”

This becomes so deeply rooted that it consistently holds them back in their personal and professional life.

They become more discouraged and more vulnerable to being biased against themselves.

The result is a pervasive feeling of being “less than” in all areas of life: psychological, intellectual, social, and physical.

There develops a feeling of inadequacy and deficiency with a resulting deep insecurity, which can cause a person to focus SOLELY on thoughts that are upsetting and negative aspects about their life.

It becomes normality to reach a negative conclusion even when there is little or no evidence to support this.

“I didn’t get a birthday card from my friend, I must have done something wrong or they must hate me.”

So they become effectively shut down because of shame, guilt, embarrassment and start withdrawing from friends, family and colleagues.

This in turn may lead to:

Feeling responsible for other people’s shortcomings and failures.

Being extremely sensitive to both compliments and criticisms.

Constantly seeking reassurance or validation, maybe by continually bringing the conversation back to them.

Being afraid to take risks in case of failure and fear of competition and being compared less favourably to others.

Not trying things and ending up missing out on many opportunities.

Being a perfectionist and judging themselves harshly. More harshly than they judge others.

Setting unrealistic expectations for themselves that they are unlikely to meet to reinforce their self doubt, so they do not recognise their true worth.

It is not unusual for someone with low self-esteem to compare themselves unfavourably to others and when they do, there is a tendency to compare themselves only to the most successful people.

There is also the risk that they treat others badly as a way of making themselves feel better by transferring their feelings of isolation and failure onto someone else.

So often, a chronic low self-esteem is seen as something emanating from the person when it needs to be seen as psychological violence that is AS HARMFUL as physical abuse.

#DomesticAbuse
#DomesticViolence
#CoerciveControl
#PsychologicalHarm
#PsychologicalViolence