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Nov 28 • 13 tweets • 2 min read
EMPTY ROW ACQUIRED

#blessed #grateful

so far wearing a mask and being exceedingly polite has made me a number of friends at British Airways, I checked a third bag and the lady at the desk didn’t even charge me
PS anyone out there who is also chilling in the PDX international terminal, I’m the girl in the black dress and the gray backpack and I have about 25 extra masks and 5 extra packs of disinfectant wipes as well as two Covid tests so HMU if you need it
did I overprepare slightly? PERHAPS
haven’t been on a plane in so long I’ve fully forgotten if they have USB ports in coach now or if I need to like, hoard this battery
BREAKING NEWS you can order scones with jam and clotted cream on this plane

okay I’m feeling better about this situation
one great thing about masks is that sometimes when I forget to buy gum, I have to do elaborate fake-yawn jaw stretches as the plane takes off to keep my ears from popping, and it looks VERY weird, so the lower half of my face appreciates this privacy at a sensitive time
rip to the poor suckers boarding for Minneapolis next to us, they’re all getting charged for their carry-ons
I am boarded, I am alone in my row, I have a USB charger, I have taken my Dramamine and my baby aspirin, I have three pillows and blankets, let’s do this thing
NO CHARGE FOR THIS VODKA??? hello from the air we’re having a great time
British Airways customer service is really making up for the shit I took from American Airlines customer service
it’s not a super full flight and so far no one has shown the slightest trace of asshole behavior so I think broadly, as a people, we’re all in a pretty good mood

MVP is the woman in front of me who instantly donned a fluffy tie-dyed Snuggie the SECOND we took off
me yesterday: ughhhh what is it going to take for me to actually get to the point of being able to feel excited about this trip and not anxious and panicky

me now: oh okay so the answer was vodka
🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

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More from @clairewillett

Claire Willett Profile picture
Nov 24
I already loved “Star Trek: Prodigy” so much but “All the World’s a Stage” might be the most Claire episode of ANY TREK EVER?? Plot-relevant community theater! TOS nostalgia that is both poignant and hilarious! Kirk’s bridge! A heroic redshirt! Galileo! The values of Starfleet!
I love these tiny space orphans and their hologram Captain Mom with all my heart
there’s a play whose name I have forgotten where The Simpsons is like the one piece of pop culture that survives the apocalypse and people act out scenes from it for entertainment and then it becomes like a religion, and I have not seen it but someone in this writer’s room has
Read 9 tweets
Claire Willett Profile picture
Nov 20
it was my week to sing at Mass with my dad today. the band is set up on what used to be the altar, facing the big double doors at the back of the church. all morning I had to stop myself from picturing what I would do and which way I would go if a shooter burst through them.
this was the first time I ever noticed the low marble wall at the top of the altar steps - which is high enough to lie down behind - isn’t marble all the way through. I spent the whole offertory hymn wondering whether that inch or so of stone was enough to stop a bullet.
I kept thinking, okay, the back left and right blocks of pews might be safe, they’re at the far end and right by the side doors. they could get out and get to help. there are probably first aid supplies in the sacristy. we’re the closest. I should know where the first aid kit is.
Read 6 tweets
Claire Willett Profile picture
Nov 20
i know it's the third rail of electoral politics and no one wants to touch it but like, a million things in our lives would improve immediately if Alito was impeached and removed from the bench and the Dem president appointed a replacement to be approved by the Dem Senate
it's not just about the balance of numbers, although that is important and huge

it's also just that Alito himself, on his own merits, irrespective of the court's makeup, is a fucking garbage person
also idk there should maybe be consequences for the "nonpartisan" (lolololol) branch of government to be casually disclosing their court decisions to political donors, something that is Bad, Actually no matter which side is doing it
Read 4 tweets
Claire Willett Profile picture
Nov 20
cyberbullying Rebel Wilson into apologizing for being racist and disrespecting Queen Latifah
my funniest real-life celeb interaction was as an intern at Manhattan Theatre Club when I breathlessly informed one of my coworkers that I had a HUGE CRUSH on Liev Schreiber and then turned around and Liev Schreiber was right behind me, politely pretending not to have heard
if you're inclined to attempt to comfort me with the thought that maybe he really DIDN'T hear, I'm going to assume we've never been in the same room together in real life long enough for you to become familiar with the resting volume of my voice
Read 5 tweets
Claire Willett Profile picture
Nov 19
that is actually not why he did it

that is simply why he said he did it

Ford pardoned Nixon because they were members of the SAME PARTY and Ford had been his VP and a terrified Republican Party that didn’t want to lose reelection was scrambling to retain a hold on power
Ford didn’t get elected with a full staff in place, he abruptly inherited a White House that was still full of longtime Nixon loyalists who pressured him constantly with everything from guilt trips about Nixon’s depression to threats against Ford’s own proposed agenda
at one point it was literally “if you don’t do this Nixon might kill himself and that will be on you” and Ford, who did not want this gig, just got railroaded

the real lesson here is that once they have the White House the GOP will stop at absolutely nothing to keep it
Read 10 tweets
Claire Willett Profile picture
Nov 19
okay since everyone else is doing it I’m gonna drop all my favorite saved tweets from my “shit that makes me laugh” folder, starting with a classic
real ones remember
Read 22 tweets

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