Thread by @PnictogenHorses

let's return to this #Matrix business, shall we? there's so much that can possibly be said about the Wachowski Sisters' "Matrix" tetralogy. I admit that we've not watched the fourth film, and our one viewing of the third film was incomplete and at a bad time in our lives.

(1/x)

https://twitter.com/PnictogenHorses/status/1611403677369262080

"The Matrix" was in fact one of the first films we saw after moving to Seattle in late 1999; we saw it not long after its release, in the "Uptown" movie theater in Queen Anne. we were sixteen years at least from realizing we were trans (and plural and a CSA survivor &c.)

(2/x)

we existed in a state of near-constant dissociation from our emotional agonies. it is possible to exist in such a state; it's a strange one.

all physical sensations are blunted, one's memory is seriously impaired, and people call you "absent minded" and "clumsy" a lot.

(3/x)

in any case we saw the Wachowskis' "The Matrix" in this state of existence. we watched movies frequently throughout the 1990s; they furnished welcome escape from a harsh and bitter world. one could sit in a dark room for a couple of hours and simply watch something unfold.

(4/x)

at that time, we were entertained by "The Matrix" but it didn't impress us; we thought it "overrated".

we were disposed to laugh at the dodgy science (the "battery" business, which I've heard was not in the Wachowskis' first plans) and we thought Keanu Reeves was doofy.

(5/x)

but both Reeves and "The Matrix" grew on us as the years passed...we might have snickered at the film but it still haunted us.

one scene, in particular, haunted us. I daresay it's haunted a lot of people.



"because you've been down that road..."

(6/x)

(I misquote slightly.)

Reeves, as Neo, has been beset by Trinity and her weird friends; from his viewpoint they've been ruining his life: making him do strange things, giving him strange orders--and finally one of them points a gun at him, and he's had just about enough.

(7/x)

he's about to push his way out of their sedan, into the rain-drenched street--there's a thunderstorm, and the rain's coming down in buckets. in a few moments Neo could flee Trinity and Switch's pistol, but Trinity asks him for trust.

"Why?" he asks--wouldn't you?

(8/x)

"Because you have been down there, Neo. You know that road. You know *exactly* where it ends."

the dark, drenched city street stretches ahead of Neo, looking much the same all the way down to where the road disappears into darkness, dotted with a few faraway lamps.

(9/x)

Neo closes the car door, and chooses to trust Trinity, on the strength of that brief vision of oblivion.

we saw that.

it haunted us. somehow, deep down, we knew that it applied to us. even though we were young and clueless still, in our salad days, green of judgment...

(10/x)

...somehow, we knew it was true.

we had been down that road, and we knew exactly where it ended.

it took us a couple decades afterwards, and innumerable blunders and heartbreaks and terrible accidents, before we could wrest ourselves free from that dismal, lonely fate.

(11/x)

but we did.

and we'd like to tell everyone all about it.

but first we'd like to thank the Wachowski Sisters for giving us one of our favorite films; we promise we'll revisit all of them.

thanks for helping to save us.

~Mona Drafter of Pnictogen

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