My fellow Russians

My quick & easy 3 day war into Ukraine is running slightly behind schedule. 360 days behind schedule to be precise. We lost the battle of Kyiv, their capital & largest city. As you can see my war started out tremendously well.. for the Ukrainians
#SlavaUkraini Image
After we lost the battle of Kyiv, we proceeded to lose the battle of Kharkiv too. Kharkiv is their second largest city. After a prolonged battle we lost at Snake Island. Then we lost the battle for Izyum, a town we had seized. As you can tell my war is progressing remarkably well Image
When our army fled Izyum, they left all our heavy weapons there for the Ukrainians to use against us in this war. This is part of my glorious plan. We did the same in our loss at Snake Island. We abandoned all our valuable military gear there too. We've gifted Ukraine 600 tanks! Image
We have been eagerly retreating so much since March, that half of the terrain we once held in Ukraine has already been handed back to the Ukrainians. In the words of my pet & sex toy, Donald Trump, I call this unconventional type of military maneouvering: 'winning'
#TrumpPutin Image
The largest warship on the Black Sea, our Navy flagship, the mighty missile cruiser Moskva was sunk. And sunk by an enemy who does not operate a navy. The commander of our Navy has been fired. All remaining Russian warships from our naval base at Sevastopol have bravely fled away Image
All of our Russian tanks have turned out to be death traps. Their turrets are prone to explode, with unfortunate results to the tank crews. One tank regiment was so furious about this war, they ran over their own commander with a tank. Rest assured, he was buried with his legs Image
We once had the second most powerful air force in the world. Half of it is now permanently grounded into Ukrainian soil. We lost so many warplanes in one day at our airbase in Crimea that our total remaining air force fled Crimea & is now proudly contributing to the war by hiding Image
We had a battalion of our own troops irradiated by their own commanders. They were ordered to dig trenches into the ground of the Chernobyl nuclear accident & inhaled radioactive dust. These men have lungs that glow in the dark. Some of them might live to see the end of this year Image
In the first 12 months so far we have lost 145,000 Russian soldiers. That is more than we lost in ten years of our failed war invading Afghanistan, and the two long wars in Chechnya. We lost more soldiers in the first 6 months than the USA lost in the Vietnam War over ten years Image
We have not just lost warplanes, tanks, ships & soldiers. We also have lost Generals. So many generals have died that I have lost count. I believe it is about 16. To help make winning this war even easier, I have myself fired another 8 Generals commanding this war
#CzarLilliPutin Image
I cleverly decided to not supply the invasion army with enough war materials. I didn't bother with things like food, and ordered our soldiers to go rob the locals. This led to a series of war crimes, which resulted in sanctions. Because of sanctions we cannot build modern weapons Image
The one thing Russia never, ever wanted to happen, was for NATO to expand, especially near our border. And I am proud to report, that thanks to my glorious 3 day war invading & pillaging Ukraine, both Finland and Sweden are now eagerly joining NATO. And Ukraine will join NATO too Image
We had an army of 40,000 men defending Kherson. They fought so cleverly, they become totally surrounded, ran out out of ammunition & food. As Invading a city would have been costly for Ukraine, I ordered our army to retreat out of Kherson to give the city back to Ukraine. Image
75% of the men I sent to invade Ukraine have died. Which is why I decided that the men I send as reinforcements will not be trained properly

As you can see, my 3 day war into Ukraine has been a tremendous success. The next phase in this war will be even more glorious
#LilliPutin Image
WIKIPEDIA

Russian Czars. Rulers of Russia come from the Romanov line, up to modern times:

Czarina Catherine the Great
Czar Alexander the Noble
Czar Nicholas the Able
Czar Mikhail the Fable
Czar Sergei the Stable
Czar Vladimir the Table

#CzarVladimirTheTable #VladimirTheTable Image
The Kremlin Book Of Russian Military Proverbs:

"Man with long table has short pencil."

"Man with short table... has short pencil."

"Man with broken bridge... has broken pencil."

#CzarLilliPutin #TableBoy #BridgeBoy #Kherson #LilliPutin Image
Donald Trump: "There's going to be so much winning, you'll get tired of all the winning."

Also Donald Trump: "This is genius. Putin declares a big portion of Ukraine independent. Oh, that's wonderful. How smart is that? He's gonna be a peacekeeper. He's a guy who is very savvy." Image

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More from @tomiahonen

Feb 22
So what's the deal with Nikki Haley? She's not running for President in 2024. She's running now to be the front-runner after Trump, in 2028.

Nikki is running for Veep. In fact, she is a near lock for Trump's Veep pick. That is what this is. We've seen this movie before... Image
Nikki Haley of 2024 is Chris Christie of 2016. This is a remake but with clever casting, putting a woman in Christie's role

Chris was one of the front-runners. He was first big-name rival to Trump to drop out - & immediately endorsed Trump. They had a deal: Christie was to be VP Image
Trump really wanted that failed Bond-villain, the Chrischristie to be his Veep. But then something weird happened in the Spring of 2016. A corrupt dude named Manafort 'worked for free' as Trump's campaign chairman (actually paid by Putin) who made Trump take Pence as Veep instead Image
Read 7 tweets
Feb 4
T Dawg Spy Services, how can I help you?

[listens]

Ok. It does seem like a pretty good idea. First. A balloon is uncontrollable. So if you sent it from China, you cannot say WHAT part of USA you will see. This might be a 'bit' of a hindrance for the spying

#ChineseSpyBalloon
Then its going to be big. As in huge. Very 'visible' as we say in the trade. In this 'spying' thing, it is not a good thing to be seen

[listens]

Yes, exactly like James Bond. No, actually not at all like James Bond, everybody knows he is a famous spy. I mean 'secret' agent
[listens]

Next thing in this reconnaissance vehicle is payload. A regular weather balloon can lift about ... 8 pounds (4 kg). If you wanted to put spy camera gear, long telephoto lenses, recording devices, you'd need a giant balloon say 100 feet (33m) in diameter - enormous
Read 5 tweets
Feb 4
T Dawg Spy Services, how can I help you?

[listens]

Ok. Pretty good idea. First. A balloon is uncontrollable. So if you sent it from China, you cannot say WHAT part of USA you will see. This might be a 'bit' of a hindrance for a spying device

Second, it is HUGE, very 'visible'
In this 'spying' thing, it is good to be 'secret'

[listens]

Yes, exactly like James Bond. No, actually not at all like James Bond, everybody knows he is a famous spy. I mean 'secret' agent

[listens]

Yes, hundreds of miles. They will see the balloon hundreds of miles coming
Next thing in this reconnaissance vehicle is payload. A regular weather balloon can lift about ... 8 pounds (4 kg). If you wanted to put spy camera gear, long telephoto lenses, recording devices, you'd need a giant balloon say 100 feet (33m) in diameter - which is enormous
Read 5 tweets
Feb 4
Here is latest daily count of cumulative Russian losses in their disastrous year-long invasion war into Ukraine, via the excellent Kyiv Independent RT @KyivIndependent

That number of dead Russian soldiers inside one year, 130,000... is STAGGERING

Let's do a bit of math
The First World War was considered a meat grinder, a futile massacre of young men. The first 'modern' war with airplanes, tanks & motorized vehicles. It was the first war that featured machine guns on both sides & first use on both sides of weapons of mass destruction: poison gas
Very many wars BEFORE the First World War had higher casualty rates, but those deaths of soldiers were not of battle wounds, but of diseases that were rampant before vaccines. Vaccinations came in time for World War 1, just in time to create 'durable' soldiers for a 'world war'
Read 10 tweets
Dec 12, 2022
OPEN LETTER

Dear Amy Lockhart @amygop

You attempted to bully me here on Twitter. Without owning any rights to content posted on Twitter, you tried to threaten me with legal action until you were reported to Twitter.

My Open Letter is a warning to others

cc @TwitterSupport
Last week you contacted me about something in my Tweet many days prior. You asked me to delete a photo used in a Tweet

I am not in the photo. You are not in the photo. I do not own the photo, you do not own the photo.
I did not post the original photo. You did not post the photo
You engaged me in Twitter discussion for 28 Tweets. My position never changed. You admitted after 23 Tweets that in fact you DO KNOW, that original photo is owned by, and posted by Joel Greenberg, the confessed teen rapist. We can see you have NOT ASKED Joel to delete that photo
Read 45 tweets
Dec 7, 2022
Who wants math?

(On Election Day? Nooo!)

Of COURSE on election day we do math, or as they say in Georgia Republican circles: on Erection Day

We can now tabulate the Trump Effect

(Really, T Dawg? TELL US)

You gonna like this.. lets get out our pocket calculators & slide rules
During 2022 Midterm Elections we had a few states where we can isolate the Trump Effect to the vote. Based on that math, we can calculate the universal Trump effect that actually matters now in ALL states, and ALL elections (if any candidates embrace Trump) ie going into 2024
We need an apples-to-apples comparison.

A Republican Senator candidate who was NOT the incumbent, AND campaigned with Trump

Running in State that ALSO had Governor election. And that Gov candidate did NOT campaign with Trump

We can CALCULATE the Delta, ie the Difference!
Read 7 tweets

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