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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 26

During an ecumenical assembly a church secretary ran in shouting, “The building is on fire!”
The Methodists prayed in a corner.
The Baptists wondered where they could find water.
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.

The Lutherans posted a notice on the door announcing the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the cost of the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door in hopes the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, “Every man for himself!”

The Fundamentalists proclaimed, “It’s the vengeance of God!”
The Episcopalians formed a procession and protested.
The Christian Scientists denied there was a fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson to form a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 26

In a small town in New England a band of squirrels had become quite a problem.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration,

they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and the church shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the it and let the squirrels drown themselves.

Read 8 tweets

RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 26

Best Church Bulletin Bloopers

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson’s sermons.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus

Read 14 tweets

RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 26

A young teacher told her class of fifth graders that she was a born-again Christian.
She asked the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.

Not really knowing what it means to be born again but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air.
There was just one girl who didn’t raise her hand.

The teacher asked her why she decided to be different.
The girl said, “Because I’m not a Christian.”
“So what are you then?” asked the teacher.
The girl replied, “I’m an atheist.”

Read 5 tweets

RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 26

#poetry

cruise control

I stare out my window at the world
trying to make sense of what I see,
but everything illuminates in staccato flashes
and then, like lightning,
is gone.

I cannot grasp what passes for reality;
these brilliant bursts have nothing
to hold on to, no permanence.
Words and pictures, people and sounds
leave only blurred impressions
on the copper plate of the mind;
nothing sharp and clear develops
as a memory to be saved.

And when I dare the sidewalks
I cannot stroll at a good, slow pace,
cannot stop to admire an old doorknob,
a window crammed with curios,
without being jostled by impatient elbows,
almost trampled by flying feet,
all rushing – where? –

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

Mar 25

Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks the old man got into the car. Resuming the journey, Mike tried - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw,

studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Mike.

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