To briefly touch the gamedev side of my mental crisis, I've been making games for ~10 years and sacrificed time, health and relationships with an idea to eventually build something that will allow me to "retire" and recover the losses... (1/2)
... today I am worrying about the rent while my peers are buying second houses. No savings. Nothing I made over the past few years came even close to earning money and as I get older this weight of being failure gets exponentially heavier. (2/2)
To say that I'm very tired would be understatement. Years of feeling of being close to something that could finally work, but being pushed back by algorithms, bad luck, loss of motivation or simply making the wrong game(s) is absolutely draining. (3/2)
To make matters worse, I lost the only person that could've supported me through this. Ironically, my work stress is partially to blame, it drained the life out of relationship. The rest of blame falls on me being an idiot, but that's a thread for therapy. (4/2)
I know I'm an okay game designer, in theory I could've made successful games, I just had to make smarter decisions when picking projects and platforms to focus on.
But I didn't.
Now I have 0 motivation to work, 0 hope, 0 social support, 0 savings and 100 anxiety (5/2)
But I didn't.
Now I have 0 motivation to work, 0 hope, 0 social support, 0 savings and 100 anxiety (5/2)
Being well off financially was supposed to be my umbrella from various misfortunes in other areas of life. Let's just say that this year that umbrella broke... and then it started pouring.
And this was supposed to be 2 tweet thread! (6/2)
And this was supposed to be 2 tweet thread! (6/2)
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