It was reading personal stories and finding myself weeping that I realized I was in an abusive marriage. So, with that knowledge, I share my personal stories to help others.

With that said, I will share another story: Early in our marriage, we had arguments that went late into the night (don't let the sun go down on your anger). When I brought up an issue, he never seemed to fully get it. I tried to explain, paraphrase, over and over again to gain understanding. It was always put back on me.

In my cult, a woman who was fairly new to the church had a lot of spiritual questions. She raised her hand to ask the questions in Sunday school, and the pastor politely answered them. I didn't think anything of it. I liked that the pastor took time to respond to her sincerely. A few weeks later, she told me that she was not allowed to ask questions anymore. I asked why. She said that the pastor and 2 elders came to her house and spent 5 hours talking to her explaining why she was never to ask questions.

To discount Julie Roys' thorough articles on John MacArthur because of a personal disclosure in her book is stupid. The evidence she has posted has been circling for years. In 2018 or '17 I personally told Julie there were many JMac cases that had not been given enough exposure. I know it may seem strange for some to understand that I can say this, and at the same time say I don't agree with how Julie has handled her personal story with Sarah. They are 2 separate issues. I need to stay true to what I believe/know.

I'm studying for a cyber security exam (certificate) and as I was studying, my brain shifted to the parallel of vulnerabilities in churches. In my professional world, hackers sometimes intentionally try to break into networks. There are many businesses that offer bug bounty programs for hackers/penetration testers. They invite hackers to try to break into their systems and even offer financial incentives if they are successful. This helps businesses to "harden" their systems to keep their data safe.

Why do victims remain silent about church leaders who harm? Even when there is overwhelming evidence (videos, court documents, perpetrator convicted/sentenced), if victim testifies about church mishandling, devoted followers will nearly always defend church leaders first. The public cost is enormous for survivors who expose truth. And after exposing church abuse for a decade, I would venture to say the harm done to survivors after going public is hardly worth it. Most abusive pastors remain in their positions or rebrand themselves.

Whoa, I just had an epiphany moment. I've been saying that my ex emotionally abandoned me for years. What he really did was shun me. He wiped his hands clean of me even while I was still in the home (in-home separated for 7 yrs). He also did this to our eldest daughter when she moved out of the home abruptly at 21 yrs and abandoned her faith. For him, if you do not meet his spiritual approval on faith/practice, you get shunned and rejected. No more effort is given to the relationship.

Another weird part of my story. A pastor who follows me on Twitter married my ex and his new wife. And he made the connection that my ex was formerly married to me at the airport on his way to wedding weekend while looking at his Twitter feed. #cantmakethisup He was a pastor connected to a spiritually abusive pastor at a mega church that I exposed on my blog. I reached out to him and we had a phone conversation. I asked him how he could marry a couple who had only been together for such a short time (few mos.).

Let me share a few words about this response to my tweet. It did not sit right with me at all. I need to explain why because many people who have not gone through abuse may not get it. I do not believe God expects survivors to pray for their abusers. Maybe eventually, but survivors should never be shamed and told how to respond. Let me tell you why. Many of us dealt with multiple abuses, not just the original abuse in our marriage. We were told to pray

In 2012, I gave an ultimatum to my then husband with a 1-yr deadline. I extended that deadline to 2 yrs. He did not follow-through, so I decided to move forward with getting to a place where I could support myself as a divorced single mom. The small community college in my area surprisingly offered a new 4-yr Bachelor's program in Cyber Security. I scheduled an appt with a counselor, but unbeknownst to me, they mistakenly scheduled the appt with the Outreach/Retention specialist in the Cyber dept.

One of the most lonely places I've experienced was sitting in church with happy families around me as an emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abused wife. Even though I told church leaders, no one checked up on me. No one offered help. I did this journey alone. I hope that in sharing my story that the Christian community will be proactive in looking for people like me in their midst. I had support thru my advocacy work. But imagine how lonely it is for most women. To get thru just another day is a struggle.

This is so true. The "stranger danger" mantra that we heard years ago is not usually the way sex abuse occurs. It happens by trusted individuals, people who are regularly in contact with our kids, and we most likely would never imagine this dark side. #metoo #churchtoo #sexabuse In my family, one pedophile was a grandpa who was a missionary and well-respected Bible translator (never was convicted because of Statute of Limitation). The abuse occurred when neighbor boys were invited to swim in the pool. #metoo #churchtoo #sexabuse

This week I have been struck that some of the most lonely and unsupported people are abused pastors' wives. There is usually no support network for them in their church. They will be dismissed, told they are rebellious. They have few options, little $, and are alone & frightened. I have had personal conversations with abused pastors' wives. Many times these women have only been stay-at-home moms. They do not have college degrees and it will be a challenge for them to get back into the work force and support themselves & their children.