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I like to blow shit up. I am the Michael Bay of business.

Aug 24, 2019, 93 tweets

OK folks, hold onto your hats. Here we go. Starting my annual ritual of live-tweeting my reading of the @voguemagazine #septemberissue. Fyi: this will be happening on and off through today, because a) there's a LOT of the September issue, and b) I also have Saturday chores 🙂

@voguemagazine So...the cover. @taylorswift13. Very much admire her as a young woman conquering the sexist patriarchal music business, but - I would've loved to have seen someone not a 'standard celeb' on the cover, ideally someone older, and most ideally someone black. #liveolder #diversity

@voguemagazine The marquee inside front cover/7 pages/scent strip spot is taken by @YSL for Libre feat @DUALIPA. I can't even begin to think what that ad placement cost. A good less-obvious celeb choice, but again, as a dedicated daily wearer of YSL scent Nu, would like to see an older woman

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA Now we're into @prada. Carefully calibrated model line-up. White model centered. Black models (with white man) to the left. Asian model with her back to us. @voguemagazine #septemberissue #diversity

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada At least @Prada shows us the shoes close up, straightforwardly. I guarantee that further into @voguemagazine #septemberissue we are going to find models selling us shoes with come-hither looks, seductive poses, nakedness - because fashion business/photographer male lens.

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada Ah. @Dior. The 'living mannequin' approach. So outdated. And looks so awkward and uncomfortable. Also not appealing when considering clothes we're going to live real life in. (Well - not that many of us can afford these.) @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior .@ralphlauren demonstrating, as I believe someone once said, "If you like this kind of thing, this is the kind of thing you like." But in 2019 it might be time to rethink your approach to The New Luxury. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren Now we're into @EsteeLauder, and another carefully calibrated model line-up. Coffee, white, black. But this is a definite improvement over last year's #makeupadssowhite. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder But @esteelauder, time to rethink your ad approach in the era of @glossier. Beautifully art directed rows of bottles of foundation do nothing for me. I want to see something much more compelling - and again, OLDER WOMEN, and real world women. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier Ahhh - another well-worn fashion shoot trope for @YSL: the stylish murder scene. Shades of passivity and violence. Not a fan. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier Oh good, the @YSL model isn't dead! I actually rather like the look of that garment - but I'd like to get a better look at it on someone like me. Older. Larger. Dry. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier On to @chanel. Hmmm. Now that @KarlLagerfeld is no longer with us - may he rest in peace - would love to see a much more innovative approach in the ads. Hopefully someone over there is working on it. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld More careful model/skin tone calibration from @LancomeUSA. I can tell you right now, the 'must show diversity' game is a lot stronger in these marquee upfront ad pages than it was last year. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA Celine. Louche. And demonstrating that if you took the brand name off a ton of these fashion ads, you'd have real trouble identifying which designer/fashion house it was. Seriously, luxury brands, these days you have to try a lot harder. My consultancy services are available.

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA Celine demonstrating the 'incredibly awkward pose no woman would ever adopt in real life' approach to modelling. Even the women who get to live in chateaux like this one. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA What did I tell you earlier? @Fendi adopting the sexy, sultry, seductive, come-hither approach for FEMALE MODELS TO SELL FEMALE FASHION TO FEMALE CONSUMERS. That's how pervasive the male lens is throughout the entire fashion industry. @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi Now - per @tiffanyandco, interesting trend, folks. In an era where clearly everyone in fashion is going, omg, must look diverse (note: LOOK diverse not BE diverse), we are seeing many more Asian models in the @voguemagazine #septemberissue versus last year. Because also - China.

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo On which note - surprise surprise. Could the proliferation of Asian models and pattern influences in the @dolcegabbana ads have anything to do with the fact that, as we know, D&G have quite a lot of ground to make up with China? @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana .@MIUMIUofficial. Four white models, two black. Hey MiuMiu, how about reversing the order next time and starting with the black model front and center? @voguemagazine #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino Double negative, @LancomeUSA @LancomeFrance. I don't want to 'visibly improve key signs of youth'. And I don't want a youthful model attached to that message. I want to keep my 59-year-old skin looking good, and I want a 59-year-old woman looking good in the ad. #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance Warning you now, folks - we're in the foothills of Everest, and we still have a LONG, LONG WAY TO GO to get out of the ads. 😐 #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance Here's an idea, @MichaelKors. How about having your (white) model do something interesting in that nice environment that reflects the fact she might work there, or, you know, live a real life there, versus the nonplussed/deer in headlights look and ragdoll pose? #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors Ahhhh. Kate for @McQueen. The OG. Now you're 45, Kate, would love to see you doing more interesting things in fashion ads than the poses you've been doing all your career. Nevertheless - RESPECT. #liveolder #sayyourage
#septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen Gosh, @BottegaVeneta. That's.....different. Or at any rate what passes for different when every other fashion ad is so same-y. Not sure what the dangling car's all about, but appreciate the black models. #septemberissue #diversity

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo This @marcjacobs ad makes me think - it's wonderful that he @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel go back so far together and are such good friends. But how about giving this opportunity to an up-and-comer and making their career? Who's the next Steven Meisel? She's black. Launch her.

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel Oh look! A faint glimmer up ahead....could it be...could it possible be...EDITORIAL?!! No - it was a mirage. Only the contents page. Many, many more ads to go yet. Stay with me, friends. We'll get there. #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel .@LouisVuitton @LouisVuitton_US clothes are EYE-WATERINGLY EXPENSIVE. Millennials can't afford them (unless they're Silicon Valley billionaires, a Russian oligarch's kids, or from a Saudi oil family). @LVMH, I want to see these modelled by older women - your customers #liveolder

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel @LouisVuitton @LouisVuitton_US @LVMH Btw, I still have, wear and love several Vuitton items I bought 21 years ago. That's how classically stylish and well-made they are. When my ship comes in, I might be tempted back to purchase, if I saw ads that told me you wanted me as a customer. #liveolder #septemberissue

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel @LouisVuitton @LouisVuitton_US @LVMH @maxmara Admittedly bar set low so far, but @Nordstrom wins the #septemberissue ad section because they show women ACTUALLY HAVING A LIFE. AND JOBS. ON THEIR WAY TO WORK. It would've been even better, Nordstrom, if you'd cast a disabled model vs featuring a disabled man. And older women

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel @LouisVuitton @LouisVuitton_US @LVMH @maxmara @Nordstrom At least @jimmychoo isn't taking the 'come-hither' approach to selling bags and shoes. But when every other ad is models posing, how about ads that tell us why you're distinctive and different so we want to spend our money with you? In 2019 BIG LUXURY NAME ON PAGE doesn't cut it

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel @LouisVuitton @LouisVuitton_US @LVMH @maxmara @Nordstrom @jimmychoo @Zendaya .@Chantecaille, great to hear, but you could've advertised this so much better. In my ad career I've talked to a number of fashion brands - they don't play well with the ad industry, because creative businesses have a hard time being open to others' creativity, despite needing it

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel @LouisVuitton @LouisVuitton_US @LVMH @maxmara @Nordstrom @jimmychoo @Zendaya @Chantecaille @Coach @saks @EtroOfficial @neimanmarcus @PoseOnFX @TheWestchester .@Moncler does really interesting things focused on its unique down-jacket competitive edge. But celebrity casting for its 'Genius Is Born Crazy' campaign is just lazy. Why not scout uncovered genius with great ideas deemed 'crazy' (as every great idea is) and give them exposure?

@voguemagazine @YSL @DUALIPA @Prada @Dior @RalphLauren @EsteeLauder @glossier @CHANEL @KarlLagerfeld @LancomeUSA @Fendi @TiffanyAndCo @dolcegabbana @MIUMIUofficial @MaisonValentino @LancomeFrance @MichaelKors @McQueen @BottegaVeneta @Ferragamo @marcjacobs @CTurlington @Steven_Meisel @LouisVuitton @LouisVuitton_US @LVMH @maxmara @Nordstrom @jimmychoo @Zendaya @Chantecaille @Coach @saks @EtroOfficial @neimanmarcus @PoseOnFX @TheWestchester @Moncler @StellaMcCartney @Hermes_Paris @chloefashion @TOMFORD @gucci @HoltRenfrew 'Values are something we've been talking about ever since we returned from the fall 2019 collections in March. You'll certainly find lots of investment-worthy clothes for the coming months in this issue...' Um, I don't think that's what the rest of us mean by 'values', Anna 🙂

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