ECJ: Unbelievable! You just moved your territorial waters further out! Did you really think no-one would notice?
UK: Ahh..soz. Ruler must have slipped, haha. Britannia "rules" the waves, wot wot!
ECJ: This law you passed: "A boat ain't British if it's owned or crewed by Wogs, Frogs, Dagoes or Wops". REALLY?!
UK: They're allowed as ballast…
ECJ: Look. If water is not safe for drinking, it's NOT safe for food production!
UK: Nonsense! Now't wrong wi' pond water! My old Dad swore by it. He's dead now, rest him (amoebic dysentery).
ECJ: If an EU firm registers a patent in the UK, then the UK gov mustn't undermine that patent even though "that firm isn't manufacturing in the UK".
UK: Aww. We thought "use it or lose it, baby".
ECJ: Blackpool beach! Christ, the state of it, FFS!! Turds piled up like pick-a-mix! Sort it out before someone gets cholera!
UK: People have caught worse than that in Blackpool...
ECJ: The UK Milk Marketing Board can't just "decide" that its monopoly on whole milk also extends to skimmed milk, mother's milk and the milk of human kindness.
UK: There's no use crying over it.
ECJ: Stop turning a blind'un to employers who refuse to recognize unions!
UK: Hey! Thatcher wiped out whole industries and impoverished everyone north of Watford just so we COULD ignore unions!
UK: Working time directive shouldn't apply to us. We LIKE Dr's with sleep deprivation psychosis. And if a mum refuses a Xmas shift because "kids", she DESERVES to be sacked.
ECJ: NO! (You nutters)
UK: We'd like to flood the SM with cheap Chinese toys. Thatcher destroyed our toy-makers in the '80s and now we just don't care anymore.
ECJ: Refused! (FRA, GER & SPN still LIKE having toy-makers!)
ECJ: UK has (a) under-regulated UK satellite firms broadcasting to other EU members and (b) over-regulated EU firms broadcasting in the UK. V. norty!
UK: Britannia rules the AIRwaves, haw haw.
UK: We've like totally sorted the mad cow thing: can we start exporting again?
EU: No, The science is still unclear. For all we know, 52% of the UK might go insane in 20 years time…
UK: The EC haven't cleared our EAGGF accounts from 1992 re payments for beef. They say we've been naughty. Make them change their mind?
ECJ: No - you HAVE been naughty.
UK: Woah! The EC requested grant applications to combat poverty and social exclusion in the elderly - BEFORE THE BUDGET WAS APPROVED! Ha!
ECJ: OK (sigh). Invites must say: "funding not confirmed"
ECJ: The UK hasn’t done enough to make sure water is safe to drink ( pesticide levels ).
UK: Swings 'n roundabouts innit? Carcinogenic and mutagenic, but at least we won't be eaten by weevils!
ECJ: You need to charge VAT on toll bridges.
UK: That's a toll on business haha!
ECJ: a) Businesses claim VAT back and (b) you're not funny.
ECJ: The UK needs to revoke its existing bilateral aviation agreement with the USA and be part of the EU/USA agreement.
UK: That plan will never fly! Oh, okay then.
ECJ: You have had 9 years to do something about nitrate pollution of freshwaters and you've done NOTHING.
UK: Moan, moan, moan.. Who cares about a few fish 'n frogs for Chrissake?
ECJ: Between '85 and '90 the UK failed to introduce agreed fisheries conservation measures & failed to enforce the measures it HAD introduced.
UK: That was back in the 80's. We are different now.
ECJ: Between '91 and '96 the UK failed to introduce agreed fisheries conservation measures & failed to enforce...
UK: Yeah… that was the Tories. Bastards. We are Labour. We are different.
ECJ: Everyone agreed to draw up plans regarding creation and disposal of waste - but the UK just couldn't be arsed; could you?
UK: Er... the binman collects it and takes it away somewhere? That's a plan!
UK: Come on! A UK inspector made a tiny mistake allocating EU farm subsidies and now the UK has to pay for it?
ECJ: The farm was located in "Narnia". And the inspector belonged to the farmer's lodge.
ECJ: Your beaches are still disgusting. How do you people live like that?
UK: Oh that's just the sea air - it always smells like that.
ECJ: I think your canary just died.
ECJ: You've had 3 years to legislate on interoperability of the trans-European rail network. You're late.
UK: The dog ate our draft legislation, honest.
ECJ: Sigh. How long?
UK: End of the year.
ECJ: Jesus Aitch! Broken rules on; chemical substances, liquid fuels, noise emissions, waste packaging and deliberate release of GMO's
UK: Gosh, yeah…it was a helluva party! All coming back to me now.
ECJ: You've had 3 years to transpose EC 96/61/EC concerning pollution prevention and control: how's it going?
UK: Um. 90% there, honest! My little brother scribbled on it and I had to start again.
ECJ: Come on UK Gov - is BAA a privatised company or a Gov department?
UK: We thought we would sell it but still control it - like selling your car but keeping the keys.
ECJ: It doesn't work like that...
ECJ: You've implemented 98/83/EC (drinking water quality) for England, but NOT for Wales and NI.
UK: Oh, the Welsh! The Irish! They never actually drink water: drunkards and rogues the lot of 'em!
ECJ: Failure to take measures to protect workers and public from radiation.
UK: Unfortunately council cannot offer a defence as he recently grew a second head and is now arguing with himself in the foyer.
ECJ: You are late implementing the directive on Volatile Organic Compounds.
UK: Yeah, soz. We're nearly there. (Just can't seem to concentrate after painting the lounge last week)
ECJ: You have implemented the EU Directive on water abstraction in England, but NOT in Scotland or NI.
UK: I guess they will just have to suck it up...
ECJ: You are late transposing our landfill directive into UK law.
UK: 3 years wasn't enough time. Our legislation is almost ready. We are not planning to bury it, honest.
ECJ: You were supposed to prioritise disposal of waste oils by regeneration instead of tipping.
UK: Terribly sorry, but it was all so…. TECHNICAL. (BA Classical Languages, Oxon.)
ECJ: Failure to comply with directive on safe disposal of hazardous waste. Don't you care about your people?
UK: TBH half of them are "Northerners"....we don't really think of them as "people" per se.
ECJ: You need to close down a VAT loophole: refunds on petrol for non-work trips.
UK: Come on - diddling the taxman is an age-old tradition.
ECJ: More controlled waste infringements. Why are you so mucky?
UK: It's our own doorstep, we can do whatever we want on it.
ECJ: No, actually: kids play there.
ECJ: You still haven't transposed the directive on requiring cars to be designed to minimise end-of-life waste.
UK: Legislation takes time! (But one day we will attempt 40 years-worth in a 6 week period)
ECJ: UK may charge 5% VAT on overseas paintings autioned in London, but the auctioneer must pay full VAT on his commission.
UK: Woe! Alas! How can a talent-less ex-public school boy ever make a living?
ECJ: The UK is failing to make the Gibraltar's VAT staff co-operate with the Spanish Taxman. Is this to do with Spain's sovereignty claim?
UK: Bless, no! It's because we set it up as a TAX HAVEN.
ECJ: Ah the late Mr UK again. Railway directive due to be implemented by Sept 2003.
UK: Soz. We'll do it by April 2004, pinky-swear. It's back on track.
ECJ: We cannot believe you decided that environmental impact assessments were not required for 2 of the biggest development projects in London. WTF?
UK: The developers seemed nice.
ECJ: The conservation of habitats directive - you've watered it down and ignored some bits.
UK: Well we had to do something with all the water from our illegal abstraction schemes, har har!
UK: The EC have issued a directive on smoke flavourings. Should have used 308 EC not 95 EC 'cos "harmonisation" not "mutual recognition".
ECJ: Huh wuwha? I thought you were busy killing Iraqi babies?
ECJ: The UK failed to ensure that an EU copyright directive got implemented in Gibraltar law.
UK: Yup. We literally couldn’t be arsed.
ECJ: The UK has been slow implementing a Directive on reorganisation and winding-up of insurance undertakings.
UK: You winding ME up, mate?
UK: HATE this "European Information and Network Security Agency". What's it for? Cybercrime? Russia? What's Russia gonna do - hack a referendum? Hawhaw.
ECJ: You were late implementing the directives on interoperability of the trans-European conventional rail system.
UK: Soz - public consultation delayed (a lot of people were coming by Southern Rail…)
ECJ: In 2001 we set minimum standards for treatment of refugees. UK IGNORED this and then bombed the shit out of Iraq & Afghanistan CREATING a wave of refugees. Have you literally NO shame?
UK: Not much, TBH.
ECJ: We are NOT happy with UK Government advice to employers on the Working Time Directive: "PSST... if you don't tell the plebs they're allowed a break, they'll probs work until they drop!"
UK: Ahh, hoped you wouldn’t notice.
ECJ: The UK recognises EU nurses, dentists, vets, midwifes, architects, pharmacists and doctors in UK, but won't make Gibraltar. WTF?
UK: We could make Gib accept every EU country…EXCEPT Spain?
ECJ: Sorry UK, but even Crown developments need an environmental impact assessment.
UK: OK fair enough (but NOBODY tell Charlie the environment was ignored on a crown development, FFS)
UK: If we can't run the agency that looks after the Schengen borders, we want the whole thing scrapped.
ECJ: But the UK isn't in Schengen.
UK: Don't care - our role is to rule.
ECJ: UK has not implemented directives aimed at conservation of natural habitats and, in particular, wild birds.
UK: Nonsense! We LOVE birds - go shooting every year!
ECJ: Sending us your fish catch data about 3 years too late doesn’t really help our fisheries management, does it?
UK: Soz. Kept losing count and having to start again.
ECJ: Mucky beaches: Bangor, Brighton, Broadstairs, Carrickfergus, Coleraine, Donaghadee, Larne, Lerwick, Londonderry, Margate, Newtownabbey, Omagh, Portrush.
UK: We like to keep the plebs in sh1t - even on holiday.
ECJ: UK failure to fulfill obligations on environmental noise.
UK: Sorry. Wassat you said? You'll have to SPEAK UP.
ECJ: UK, you are way, way late implementing the Directives on waste electrical and electronic equipment.
UK: Yeah. Right. We, ah, were late because, er...reasons!
ECJ: Involving a piss-up in a brewery?
ECJ: OFFS - you are STILL not protecting your people from workplace radiation!
UK: Council is still arguing with himself. (He has grown bat-wings now)
ECJ: LATE again (Directive 2003/35/EC - Drawing up of certain plans and programmes relating to the environment).
UK: Damn! - I knew there was something…hey - let's just crib it off the swotty Germans?
ECJ: UK failed to subject discharges of urban waste water from Craigavon (Ballynacor and Bullay’s Hill treatment plants) and Magherafelt to adequate treatment.
UK: Soz; we thought those were all made-up names.
ECJ: It's really NOT alright to say to someone fleeing their country - one that YOU bombed the shit out of BTW - "Sorry, you've not been beaten/maimed/raped enough to be a proper refugee".
UK: Fck 'em - they're only muzzies.
ECJ: Air pollution from Rio Tinto's Lynemouth aluminium plant - why are you ignoring it?
UK: Coz not making 'em pay to clean it up is a cunning form of illegal state aid. (Oops - shouldn’t have said that...)
ECJ: You've failed to adopt our 2004 directive re: prevention and remedying of environmental damage. Why? What is it with you guys?
UK: Labour - 'coz we're lazy and useless / Tories -'coz our donors include major polluters.
ECJ: UK was late adopting directives on insurance against civil liability in respect of the use of motor vehicles.
UK: Er… legal complications in Gibraltar. Caught between the rock and a hard case, hawhaw!
UK: We want to access some of the benefits of the Schengen system but without any of the costs or responsibilities.
ECJ: We want to date Keira Knightley. Now Foxtrot Oscar, UK, hmm?
ECJ: You've been turning a blind'un to the need for environmental impact assessments (AGAIN). This time minerals in Wales.
UK: Christ, you don't miss much, do you?
ECJ: You are late (AGAIN) implementing port security measures. Have you tried keeping a to-do list?
UK: Soz (again)…just keep getting distracted by...stuff.
ECJ: You STILL haven't made Gibraltar accept professional qualifications from EU members.
UK: Soz - just can't seem to get around to it.
ECJ: You need to stop visiting those websites. You'll go blind.
ECJ: LATE transposing EU ship-source pollution directive into UK law.
UK: Soz. Held up by legislation in Gibraltar (they are really short of professional staff there you know)
ECJ: Oh no, Gibraltar again. A tax regime that rewards companies that (a) have no employees, (b) do no business in Gib and (c) make no profits. Basically State Aid for tax avoiders: NO!
UK: Poo! At least we still have Cayman.
ECJ: GIBRALTAR! Failure to implement Directives to prevent discrimination against women.
UK: Once we could be sexist and racist across a quarter of the globe! Gibraltar is all we have left! Please don't take it away, too.
ECJ: You have not implemented the air-conditioning in cars Directive?
UK: It was really hard.
ECJ: Are you GOING to?
UK: Sure - here's a quick list how.
ECJ: So it wasn't THAT hard?
ECJ: Late implementing 2006 Directive on the management of waste from extractive industries.
UK: We actually enjoy sitting in piles of our waste. We find it comforting.
ECJ: When assessing the component of a UK teacher's pay that's based on "how many years experience", UK employers must not discount any years spent teaching in an European school.
UK: Bah! Humbug!
ECJ: Discharge of improperly treated waste waters from the Beckton, Crossness and Mogden treatment plants in London. Yeeuuckk!
UK: Fish often lie on the surface of the Thames; they're just 'avin a rest.
UK: We don’t want Gibraltar to be a sub-region of a Spanish habitat protection area (SCI). Look! BWITISH apes!
ECJ: You've been wearing your England t-shirt in your bedroom again, haven't you?
ECJ: UK failure to provide public participation in decision‑making and access to justice in environmental matters.
UK: Public participation? Wait until '16 - you'll choke on it!
ECJ: The EU missed out on £20M of tariffs on Chinese garlic because UK customs cocked-up. UK should pay.
UK: Hey, other countries have been paying for our mistakes for years - why change now?
UK: We'd really like to be able to discriminate against Turkish people.
UK: For goodness sake! If you cannot discriminate against Turks, who can you discriminate against?
UK: We want you to annul Council Decision 2013/52/EU of 22 January 2013 authorising enhanced Tax cooperation (its really narking some major Tory donors).
ECJ: So what?
UK: ... you'll see...
ECJ: You must not set a time limit on reclaiming taxes overpaid in error.
UK: No-one of importance pays tax anymore. Anyone who overpays deserves to be penalised for stupidity.
ECJ: All this shifting gains overseas to avoid paying taxes: stop it!
UK: Christ, you're really getting hot on tax avoidance….I can feel a referendum coming on.
UK: We want to pull out of the Med-North Sea rail freight corridor; specifically extending it beyond London.
ECJ: Soz; you are committed.
UK: You think?
ECJ: You cannot reduce VAT on energy saving construction materials. Soz.
UK: AT LAST! An unpopular ECJ judgement!
Voice of reason: You could always offer grants…
ECJ: Aberthaw power station: the pollution is a disgrace.
UK: Soz - we couldn't find the place to inspect it, coz of all the smog in the neighbourhood.
ECJ: Shitty waste water discharges: Gowerton, Llanelli, Banchory, Stranraer, Ballycastle, Tiverton, Durham, Chester-le-Street, Islip, Broughton Astley, Chilton, Witham, Chelmsford.
UK: Ahh.... after 29 March we can revel in it!
ECJ: UK has not done enough to list and protect harbour porpoise habitats.
UK: Does this face look bovvered?
ECJ: UK shouldn't permit the use of red diesel in pleasure craft.
UK: What if the full duty has been paid, even though it's red?
ECJ: How could you prove it wasn't un-dutied red?
ECJ: A50 may be unilaterally withdrawn, The UK Parliament has sovereignty.