Thread by @IntwaliBruce

.@LaureIyaga and @LWSupremeStreet are going live in a few short moments on Instagram (@sanainitiative_rw).

I'll be live tweeting in the replies under this tweet for those who are unable to follow

https://twitter.com/IntwaliBruce/status/1248870403050799107

.@LaureIyaga explaining what @SanaInitiative does: People think mental health is only for people who are broken & suffering, and that quickly takes away from humans needing to take care of their mental health the same way they do with their bodies

.@SanaInitiative's work is focuses on breaking the stigma around #mentalhealth through talks, providing therapy (to groups, families...) not just to vulnerable people, but also to those who simply need to stay grounded

.@LaureIyaga on what mental health actually is: It's about self awareness. Understanding who you are how you're affected by your environment and life. We usually tend to not be tuned to that awareness, but when we learn to be in tune with it, we're able to better respond to those

changes that affect us.

.@LWSupremeStreet diving straight into the days topics: When most of us were younger, we were more exposed to trauma during these times. But today grief seems to be a bit more personal. How exactly does grief and trauma evolve?

.@LaureIyaga: The healing process varies depending on people:

- Those who were old enough to comprehend what was happening

- The younger ones who maybe caught glimpses, and grew up with stories,...

Also, the grieving process is very different and personal for people

26 years later, some have dealt with their grief, some haven't, some continue to experience grief every day, not just in this period.

But since there's no exact standard, I cannot say that a genocide survivor today looks a certain way.

@LaureIyaga: with genocide, one can never heal completely. What we do is learn to live with it, compartmentalize it

@lwsupremestreet asks this question she received: I keep creating scenarios and I want to hide but then I get super anxious that I’m gonna be found.

How can I deal with Trauma in practical ways, since deep breaths are not really working?

@LaureIyaga: First of all, Impore to the person. One thing that works for some people is to try to ground themselves. You can try to calm yourself by talking to yourself, assuring yourself that even though you feel that way, it is a feeling, and you're gonna get through it

You are in a safe space, and nothing is gonna happen to you.

Alternatively, find a trusted person you can call, who will comfort you and provide assurance. You can even try to divert the conversation to allow yourself to calm dowm by focusing on something else

There's also a toll free line you can call. These people are working with various partners and medical practitioners to be able to come to your aid wherever your are, even though we're under lockdown.

@LWSupremeStreet with another question: Moving our commemoration efforts online means being confronted with so much, including denial and more.

How do we create safe spaces online? How do we talk to survivors?

@LaureIyaga: empathy is a universal language. We may not be able to speak it, but we recognize it when it's spoken to us.

We need to extend grace and empathy to our loved ones and to validate their emotions (this applies to ourselves too).

That means being attentive to the language and words we use in various discussions related to the genocide, how we respond to those who share their story and pain with us.

It's important that we extend this outside social media spheres too, because not everyone is connected

@LWSupremeStreet: Our circles are very extensive (family, friends, co-workers, church members) who may need different things, and some of us just don't know hownto initiate that conversation

@LaureIyaga: that's okay. Presence, more often than not, is okay. A person may not be ready to talk to you, but knowingnthat you're there for them and mean it is enough for them.

Just don't try to fix them. They don't need fixing. They need empathy

@LaureIyaga talking to those who feel like this period triggers irrational fears for them:

There's no such thing as irrational fear, when someone experienced something as traumatic as genocide. We just need to learn to remind ourselves that it's not happening

Most of these fears are sometimes also triggered by the uncertainty of the future, not knowing what's in store im the next 2, 4 years.

I'd suggest trying to take things one day at a time. Tell yourself "nothing has happened in the last 26 years, let's try again 1 more year"

@LWSupremeStreet talking about what to do if confronted with a person dealing with such fears:

We should never invalidate what a person is feeling. We shld never say they are being dramatic. The fear may not be supported by facts, but it is grounded in something they experienced

It's important to bring the person back to reality while still validating their emotions.

@LaureIyaga talking about the importance of consistency:

Providing a safe space is not a one time thing. If you choose to be a person's emotional support, you need to sit through the akward silences, the cries, the paranoïa... All of it

And you need to keep reminding them of

That fact.

@LWSupremeStreet: Something I do is use the sentence "You're being loved by me", the "being" being continuous. Of course this has to always be reflected in my actions

@LWSupremeStreet: What is intergenerational trauma? How does it manifest? How do we deal with it?

@LaureIyaga: I'll explain it by putting it into 2 categories

1. People who were very young during the genocide, most of them losing their parents and having to be sheltered with guardians (older siblings, aunts, orphanages)

2. People who were born after the genocide

Now if you've been living with someone who was hurt, and you see them being sad, being afraid, being unable to move on and always relating their smallest life occurence to the genocide in their behaviors and words, being physically or emotionally abused (not because they want to

but because of what they themselves are sesling with); all that can deeply affect your psyche. What you see, feel, hear all can end up transferring your guardian's/parent's trauma to you.

Now how does it manifest: if something you did not experience causes you anxiety, then

Something is wrong. That's the "easiest" way to see it. But more practically it manifests in various ways:

- Anger management issues,
- Deep lack of trust
- Developing deep resentment....

Now how do we deal with it? The first step is to be aware of it. It's to allow ourselves

To recognize patterns that we deep down know are not healthy. Now, being able to liberate ourselves from things that affect us without having lived them is confusing and complicated. Sometimes it requires double work

But once you do, actively seeking help is the next step.

And it doesn't always have to be therapy. Reading books om the subject works for some people, conversations work for others.

@lwsupremestreet: when we talk about intergenerational trauma, we're talking about a very multi-faceted group of post genocide youth. Not only those who are descendants of survivors but also:

- Those born of rape

- Those carrying the guilt of their parents sins.

How do we

Approach this subject in relation to them?

@LaureIyaga: these people (especially the first group) deal with a lot.

The heaviness of that comes with the realization of how they came to exist, the shame that often comes with that realization, the fact that some of these kids's

Parents resent them, and much much more. And this shame and guilt can more often than not cause them to not seek the help they really need.

It's important that, again, we approach them with grace, empathy, understanding; and more importantly, give them time. It is to help them

Understand that it's a circumstance they never chose to be into, and they owe it to themselves to not carry that burden. It is to help them understand that their pain is also valid, and they deserve as much as anybody else to heal from it.

@LaureIyaga on accessing amd affording therapy services in Rwanda:

There's now about 1000 clinical psychologists in the country, 12 psychiatrists, and they're found im every district hospital in the country.

Therapy services at state hospitals are covered by mutuelle de santé,

but we're also trying to engage various insurance companies in order for them to include therapy under medical services covered by their medical insurance packages, because because therapy is not readily affordable at private practices.

@LaureIyaga: There's a lot of work being done (even with @SanaInitiative) to see how we can package these services to help people as much as possible to access them.

.@LWSupremeStreet: How can one trigger a communal/family trauma healing process? Can you walk someone through that process

.@LaureIyaga: at @SanaInitiative we provide family therapy. But before engaging in it, one needs to ask themselves a few questions:

1. Are family members

willing to start that process?

2. What is the end goal?

After clarifying these two points, we engage in talking about people's memories, not by immediately going to the parts that people tend to go to most when recalling memories (a person's list words, how the were killed...)

We try to start off the conversation from a gentler point that brings out the nicer memories about these people, then slowly work through the deeper stuff.

It's important to also not push people to open up about things they're not ready to discuss. If your mother says you remind

Her of her father, then brushes you off when you ask what he was like; understand that she's not ready to open up at that moment, and don't push. Come back to that conversation later.

.@LaureIyaga talking about how to approach personal history with kids:

It's important to start these conversations once you have started the healing journey themselves, so that you're able to tell it im a digestible manner amd not from a place of anger or grief that may end up

Negatively impacting your kid in an unintended way. Then you'll be able to engage with your child using words and language that is well thought out.

.@LWSupremeStreet: That's true. A lot of my family history that I've learned has been in a very unintentional way, by mostly overhearing conversations. But these were gruesome details that stayed with me, and affected me in a very negative way

.@LWSupremeStreet: Talking about the correlation btn commemoration and healing, how is one essential to the other?

.@LaureIyaga: I'd say one feeds into the other.

Commemoration, especially communal commemoration, provides a shared space to free one's heart, to heal, to comfort each other; but also to check on our own healing. To understand how much we have learned to accomodate.

Commemoration is also a way to affirm to ourselves that we are still here. That we're still living, and that as painful as the process is, we're striving to live well

.@LWSupremeStreet: Let's talk about the correlation between forgetting and forgiving; and moving on

.@LaureIyaga: Our brain's main function is to protect us, so sometimes it buries some memories or details to achieve that. But we have to be careful not to force ourselves to

"forget" because that actually brings what we're trying to forget to the forefront of our minds.

Now forgiving and forgetting are not related. Where one may happen organically, forgiving is a choice. It's a journey. And it's important to allow people to walk that journey at

Their own pace. And not being able to do it doesn't make one a bad person.

.@LWSupremeStreet on 3 main things she has picked from the conversation:

1. We need to keep ourselves in check about where we are are individually and as a country in healing and moving forward.

2. We have to work on manifesting empathy. And this is a skill that one can hone.

3. We should allow survivors to work through the healing process at their own pace, and just make sure that we show up for them

@LaureIyaga's final comments:

It's okay not to feel okay, and it's okay to ask for help when you need it.

Stay safe, Twibuke Twiyubaka

That's the end of our session on #Kwibuka26 & Mental Health.