I'm always surprised that not everyone with #ADHD knows about RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) and it's like, a real important part of having ADHD. Let's break it down!
while not officially in the DSM as part of having ADHD, RSD is widely known to impact many, if not all, ADHDers. It's the perception that one is being criticized or rejected as a result of neutral stimuli.
so for example, you ask me how I'm doing today, I reply, "fine" with a neutral/not smiling face - and your brain immediately goes to "oh God, is she mad at me? She must be mad at me. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something rude the last time we hung out?"
Maybe it's a curt email from a boss or employee, or a lukewarm reception to a gift you gave someone, or a response to something you said. It kickstarts a cycle of rumination & cyclical obsessing about yourself and others that is a one way ticket to emotional dysregulationsville
If you've ever been told "youre too sensitive", "toughen up" "get thicker skin" or "stop letting people bother you", you know what i'm talking about.
here's the thing - RSD is insidious. I would argue it is perhaps the most damaging aspect of having ADHD.
here's the thing - RSD is insidious. I would argue it is perhaps the most damaging aspect of having ADHD.
RSD has cost me more than forgetting, lack of focus & time blindness combined. Not only has RSD cost me relationships in my life that I *didn't* need to trash but did anyway, but all the emotional pain & obsessing that comes with that and the physical stress associated with that.
If you don't know, you don't know - hours spent stuck in emotional torture over one wrong thing you think you MAYBE said but aren't sure, making a tiny problem WAY WORSE than it needs to be, knowing you're blowing things out of proportion but not being able to stop yourself
It's impossible to have healthy self esteem and good boundaries when you are suffering from RSD, because everyone's opinion of you is inherently more important than yours & you are in constant crisis mode so boundaries seem moot (whic makes a lot of social problems worse)
It's not easy to change, but it's not a curse and it's not impossible. One thing a lot of clients have told me is that the medication guanfacine apparently helps a lot with this but I have never taken it. I'm fascinated by the idea that this could be treated pharmacologically.
For myself, working on the pieces around emotional regulation, boundaries & self-esteem helped to alleviate the RSD. It's like my emotions were a see-saw and the RSD was really heavy and all three of the others were on the opposite end and I just had to keep fattening them up
Eventually the scale tipped and one day I was able to *NOT* impulsively explode a friendship, quit a job or have a meltdown where I was sure someone hated me. One day I just realized that I could be OK even if someone else didn't like me and that it was probably fine.
If this rings true for you, definitely do more reading on Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. I found that just understanding it was the biggest key to stopping the patterns of interacting with others that were really harmful to me.
