Thread by @dustyexner

"Does ADHD Coaching Really Work Tho?"

Oh, buddy. Strap in and let me tell you the story of the madness that is my life right now.

In my 20s I was your typical ADHD hot mess. Lots of drama, constant emotional dysregulation, couldnt keep track of any of my possessions, flitting from one interest to another, never understanding why I couldnt stick with anything,

and beating myself up for not being able to progress like my peers, house a total mess, always late and underprepared, pulling it all together at the stroke of midnight kinda ADHD.

As it turns out, I also lived in that other reality of ADHDers; I was in a very toxic relationship with poor boundaries, I was a hardcore codependent people pleaser and I was easily gaslit.

On top of being a hot mess, no matter what I did it wasnt good enough. Well, that's not true. Sometimes I was the Golden Girl, the Sexy Goddess, the Fixer of Problems. But mostly I was to blame for someone else's unhappiness, or I was responsible for fixing that unhappiness.

My ethics were ridiculed and treated as a burden, my accomplishments were annoying because I talked about them too much, and my inability to give my focus 100% to someone who demanded it got me labeled as 'neglectful' even when I was jumping through hoop after hoop.

The purpose of this thread is not to focus on that, or on this person, but suffice to say that at the end of last month that all came to a crashing halt. Suddenly one day I became a full time single parent to my 2 year old, and it's been a trip since then.

I was left without childcare and a full time job (since I was the income providing partner), authorities were involved and so on top of suddenly having to worry about 100% of the feeding, bedtime-ing & caring of my child I also had like a huge uptick in appointments, phone calls

In the interim I was able to rely on my elderly mother, who lives with me, to help out with childcare. Last week she got pneumonia and has been hospitalized for over a week. On top of no settled childcare, I'm now visiting her in hospital as often as possible with a 2yo.

I was waiting to make childcare arrangements until I knew if the other parent would be able to step up in any kind of a regular fashion but its unlikely that a schedule will be sorted out any time soon

So for the past month my life has looked like figuring out the next days childcare at 8 pm the night before depending on who is available to help out, plus seeing my mom

And like, the regular stuff of coping with the emotions of a 13 year relationship ending, plus the added emotions of processing trauma related to some very unhealthy patterns of thought and behaviour I had to endure for a long time.

ANYWAY

How is it possible I am alive, fully wearing clean clothes with a well-cared for toddler at this moment?!

Let me tell you all about it.

I'm SO FUCKING PASSIONATE about coaching because before I even knew that coaching was a thing I was starting to do it for myself. To analyze what wasnt working, to look at it through an ADHD lens, to experiment and try new approaches.

When I realized coaching was a thing I learned everything I could about ADHD Coaching as fast as I could. And now, in what is arguably one of the most challenging times in my life, the house is clean, the meals are prepped, the pets are cared for, the habits are being maintained

I have accomplished this by using EVERY ONE OF MY STRATEGIES ALL AT ONCE. Everything I recommend to my clients. Everything my brilliant clients come up with themselves. All the tips and tricks and hacks.

Step 1: self care the fuck up: now is not the time to slack on gym. Gym is life. Gym = focus and calm. Gym is priority. Same with sleep (with the odd exception). 8 hours, as often as possible. 2 litres of water a day.

Saying no to more things, "guarding my yes" as @blkgirllostkeys says, time blocking out time to meal prep and clean.

Doing things incrementally, doing things for 5 mins, not beating myself up if I dont do them all the way. Finding ways to make things fun. Asking for help. Delegating whenever possible. Body doubling.

I'm grateful to have met @rydercarroll at the ADHD convention in November; I'd heard of, but not considered, bullet journaling before - I had seen how hyper focused people got on their "spreads" and I had always worried it would be too much work for me.

After meeting Ryder and being like "oh hey this dude is cool and also look how clean his clothes are" I decided to take the plunge and I swear that bullet journal and those habit trackers have been my lifeline during this time.

Setting timers, setting alarms, writing notes, making to do lists, rewriting to do lists.

NOTICING WHEN IM BECOMING DYSREGULATED. Knowing my triggers. Avoiding triggering situations. De-escalating myself. I'm 100% responsible for this little person, there is no time or space to lose my cool.

Not sweating the small stuff. Managing my finances. HAVING FUN. SEEING FRIENDS. Getting my dopamine wherever and whenever I can.

There have definitely been a few minor bumps and I'm ever grateful to all the clients I've had to play Coaching Schedule Musical Chairs with this month for their flexibility with me.

At the end of the day, I'm feeling good, calm, stable and focused. Which is like, crazy to me. It's crazy. Not that long ago I would have been absolutely falling apart.

I certainly would not have been able to operate a successful business while parenting a tiny human

Can I help you sort your life out? I dunno, that's up to you. But if I can make it through this time with clean clothes, a clean house, a happy and well fed baby and pets, a reasonably-well-managed schedule and a car with gas in it, I'd say coaching is worth a try.

Because I am coaching myself so hard right now, every day, every hour.

And I feel

Oh also did I mention I POTTY TRAINED MY KID?? And I found daycare so today my little munchkin is going with a premade lunch and a well packed bag!

Also if I'm taking forever to respond to your tweet, DM or text, this is why.