Thread by @uzbadyubi

ALREET MY PALS! Tonight on #YubiViews we watch... THE MUMMY! (1999 version)! We will also be doing our Help tweets every 10th tweet, so please check them out and help those in need!

As per usual I've never seen the Mummy. I think I had smushed these films and Indiana Jones-

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all into one big movie, and was horrified to find out that 1) there's more than one indiana / mummy movie, and 2) Harrison Ford is not in the Mummy.

going out on a limb and guessing Brendon Frasier or whoever is in it seeing as people said that name a lot!

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Now as i thought Indy/Mummy (terrible ship most likely but we'll see) was the same film I'm guessing this is a rag-tag Man and also A Lady in Another Country, Plundering Graves and Fucking Shit Up for Patriotism and Money. I guess there's also going to be a Mummy.

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Here's a fun fact! I love mummies! I love mummification, and i can tell you Way Too Much about decomp, mummification, and other ways bodies can be preserved? but Mummies? Capital M Mummies? oh i HATE THEM. i HATE them!!! you see Mummies ruin mummies for me -

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because every time i'm trying to appreciate a mummy that lil asshole bit in my brain goes "imagine if it moved tho" and i am struck with the fear of a thousand horrors and rendered terrified >:C

but maybe this will be a nice Mummy who knows!!!

LET'S DIVE IN!

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THIS IS A STRONG AND THEMATIC START WITH FUCKING EXCELLENT MUSIC!!!

Also is this film set in ancient Egypt?!?!?

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IS THIS A KISSING FILM

I DON'T WANNA SEE ANYONE KISSING THE MUMMY WHEN IT APPEARS

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UH OH WAIT I DON'T THINK THAT WAS THE PHAROAH I THINK THAT WAS ACTUALLY IMHOTEP

UH OH

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oh my god we got some NECROMANCY up in this ROMANCY huh wowie

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-puts hands together-

i know... i know they wouldn't... actually show her 'dead' how she should look... but when you mummify someone in ancient egypt... one thing u do is you pack them with salt... and she is WAY too hydrated right now.......

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FIRST UP TONIGHT IS KAT! A game designer extraordinaire! CHECK THEM OUT!!!

https://twitter.com/katstrid/status/1255040110300553217?s=20

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okay good you removed the organs and put them in the jars, hope u mashed her brain too!!! JUST SAYING!!!!

ALSO I DON'T LIKE THIS BIG GHOSTY THING NOPE

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uh oh!!!!!!!! YOU PISSED IT ALL OFF NOW HUH!!! FUCKED IT ALL UP!!!!

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"Imhotep's priests were condemned to be mummified alive."

... excuse me? i... what? how--... which... which *bit*... is the... 'cause the... that's just... not... how that works????? they... they're gonna die the minute you start taking out... organs...

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oh I see they just wrapped them in bandages and buried them alive well let me tell you something you are NOT going to get mummies like that you are going to get ROT and those coffins are gonna have a serious gas build up and burst I AM JUST SAYING

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okay i'm going to stop ragging on incorrect mummification practices in Hollywood now, we're in modern(ish) day and we're shooting people and AT WAR!!!!

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BENI I WOULDN'T GO INSIDE NOT EVEN IF THE HOT MAN IS YELLING AT YOU TO GET INSIDE

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oh my god beni you have betrayed us all

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i'd say "farewell sweet hot man, we barely knew thee" but he's the only one not wearing a hat / head covering of some kind so i think this is main guy. also i would absolutely confuse him with harrison ford and the man who's in firefly

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Hi, Anubis here. Just needed to give you a quick message? Yeah, it's "you will die". EAT GHOST SAND!

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OH GOD, OH DON'T LIKE BIG FACE IN THE SAND, NOPE

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TIME TO HELP ANOTHER PERSON!!!

Jo is doing amazing calligraphy and is looking for work right now! CHECK IT OUT!!!

https://twitter.com/WordMadeEarlier/status/1254908310886723593?s=20

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okay this lady has climbed a ladder in high heels she is automatically the most powerful and competent character in this movie

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oh my god she is devastatingly beautiful what the fuck

please don't make this film where everyone is hot please i'm gay enough i don't want to be scared and horny at the same time it all gets so confusing internally

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OH NO OKAY OOPS SORRY I MEAN... COMPETENCE COMES IN MANY DIFFERENT FORMS..........

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COMPARED TO YOU THE OTHER PLAGUES WERE A JOY OH MY GOD WHAT A FUCKING BANGER OF A LINE DJKKJFKFDJ

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oh no don't go into the room of corpses alone with only a torch when you're hearing creepy noises IS THIS A FOR REAL HORROR MOVIE IS SOMETHING GOING TO MOVE AM I GOING TO PEE MYSELF

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I SWEAR TO FUCK IF SOMETHING POPS OUT OF THAT SARCOPHAGUS

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ADKJSDAHKJSDKJSAKJS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGUGUHHH OH MY GOD I FUCKING KNEW IT AND YET STILL I SCREECHED OH MY GOD NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP THE LIDS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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THIS ABSOLUTE FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!

HER BROTHER!!! WHAT A DICK!!!!!!! JONATHAN!!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKER!!!!!!!!

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Oh her name is Eevie?? CUTE!!!

ALSO YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TAKEN THIS MAP OUT OF THE GRAVE!!!!!!

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KJSKJSKJ HE JUST SET THE FUCKING MAP ON FIRE YOU ARE ALL ABSOLUTE GODDAMN DISASTERS OH MY GOD

OH NO!!!

AND YOU ALL KNOW IT'S GOT MUMMY CURSED SHIT THERE!!!

I have NO sympathies for you!!!!

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Time to help out another fine person! CHECK OUT THIS POST!

https://twitter.com/beashobe/status/1255039295611523073?s=20

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oh my fucking god he got even hotter

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no you know what as hot as you are i am pro you getting the shit kicked out of you for a bit for a non-con kiss my dude you do NOT do that!!!! no!!!!

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CAN SOMEONE IN THIS MOVIE PLEASE NAME THIS MAIN MAN

alright the gang is all here! We got Jonathan, Eevie, Hotman, and PrisonOwner! Let's see how TERRIBLY THIS GOES FROM HERE ON

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JFDJDKS LMAO THIS IS A GIF!!! I KNOW THIS GIF!!!!!

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ah shit Beni is back!!!!!

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AND HE'S GONE AGAIN LMAO JUST YEETED INTO THE SEA HUH OKAY THEN BYE BENI

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OH MY GOD A SUDDEN AMBUSH AND NOW THE WHOLE SHIP IS ON FIRE HOLY SHIT THINGS WENT FROM 0 TO 100 REAL GODDAMN FAST!!!!

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"WAIT HERE. I'LL GO GET HELP." -leaps into the sea-

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD THAT'S VERY FUNNY

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loving these scenic shots on the camels ;w;

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do these guys just live on that mountain ridge omg kjfdfkjdkjf

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Here's another!!!

Check out Russ' work and support them!!!

https://twitter.com/RussWildest/status/1255515609774899207?s=20

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oh my god Beni and the Americans are here again we've got the set up for a mum-tastic battle royale tbh

ohhh shiiiit HERE WE GO AGAIN INDEED!! Hamunaptra!

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Do you think the Pharaoh guard men take bets on which ones are gonna come back out or

ALSO FOR A SECRET CITY NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT THERE SURE IS A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE I'M JUST SAYING

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IT'S ALL THE INCORRECTLY MUMMIFIED AND STORED REMAINS, JONATHAN. I mean not really that doesn't make sense either. if it was sealed and the seal is just NOW broken it ain't gonna stink for 2+ weeks and she JUST SAID no one had been here for 3000 years so...

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I FEEL LIKE "I HATE BUGS" MAN IS ABOUT TO BE IN FOR A BAD TIME HUH.

also i am NOT going to comment on SPIDER WEBS here i am just NOT

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don't think i've fuckin forgotten about those scarabs i know those hungry hungry bad boys are coming back

ALSO OH NO THINGS ARE MAKING WEIRD MOANING SOUNDS PLEASE DON'T

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is this doctor who man

a doctor who man

also yelling man in another tv show with politicians

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WHERE ARE YOU GOING

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

YOU FUCKING CLOWN

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"what have we here?" it's your fucking doom

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I THINK THOSE ARE GOING TO BE REAL BUGS MY DUDE NOT BLUE GOLD!!!!!! OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

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OH MY GOD JONATHAN LITERALLY GOLFED A SARCOPHAGUS DOWN FROM THE CEILING LMFAO

THIS FILM IS SWINGING WILDLY BETWEEN HILARITY AND HORROR AND HONESTLY IT'S WORKING

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Time to check out another cool person!

David has a patreon and writes D&D content!!!

https://twitter.com/theinkedknight/status/1255470975275216900?s=20

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a bisexual's paradise

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OH NO!!!!!!!!

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH HORRIBLE!!!!!

OH!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!

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VOLDEMORT???????????

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FOR A FILM WHERE EVERYONE IS BEING KIND OF CAUTIOUS ABOUT MUMMY CURSES THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE BEING SHOT

YOU'VE GOT AN ABSOLUTE SURPLUS OF CORPSES HERE NOW

THEY'RE GONNA SMELL REAL BAD IN THIS HEAT

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I'm really worried about corpse storage in this film!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Drunk!Evie is a DELIGHT!!!

"I! ..... am a LIBRARIAN!!!!"

FANTASTIC

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we're an hour in and i just learned his name is rick and also he can take LESSONS on how to PROPERLY INITIATE KISSING from Evie

also please don't make me watch said kissing please

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DJFDJSJS MY PRAYER WAS ANSWERED SHE PASSED OUT

THANK U IMHOTEP FOR DENYING ALL KISSING ON THIS ACCURSED GROUND

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OH BOY WELL THE AMERICANS OPENED THE CURSED CHEST AND OUR DISASTER TRIO ARE ABOUT TO OPEN THE SARCOPHAGUS AND UNLEASH IMHOTEP WHO'S GONNA SUCC SOME FLUIDS AND REGEN HIMSELF HUH

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Now that's what I call The Effects Of Improper Mummification!

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Lisa is a fantastic writer, and a fellow Brit! Check out her work!

https://twitter.com/WomanistNerd/status/1256069003396685824?s=20

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OKAY I NEED A CUP OF TEA AND A BISCUIT AS IS MY CUSTOM. WE'RE TAKING FIVE BEFORE WE DEAL WITH THIS DECAYED SOUL.

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OKAY I'M BACK i too was victim to improper storage and made a cup of tea with off milk :( luckily i had more milk but you know, time and decay gets us all.

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"GOD I hate it when these things do that!"
"Is it meant to look like that?"
"No, I've never seen a mummy look like this before."

I AM SO VALIDATED AND MY CONCERNS ARE ACKNOWLEDGED

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HE'S STILL JUICY

OH MY GOD THAT'S WHAT I SAID I FUCKINNNNNN OH MY GOD WHATTTT

LMFAOOOOOOOO I AM HOLLERING RIGHT NOW

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ALL MY CONCERNS WERE VALID AND ALSO MEANT TO BE PART OF THIS BIT OF THE MOVIE HUH OKAY

well u know what i'm glad i was so on it

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now hold on i am rusty on my canoptic jars but there should only be 4. Human, bird, jackal, and baboon, holding (can't remember order) liver, lungs, stomach, and intestines... is the lion going to be the heart? the heart was left inside the body bcs afterlife...

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also smashed lion jar??? huh????? unless lion held the brain and it's smashed because warden man's brain got ate????

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NOW HOLD UP IMHOTEP IS NOT ONLY GOING TO BE LIVING UNDEAD HE'S ALSO GOT TEN WHOLE PLAGUES WITH HIM? oh my god oh no!!! OH NO!!!

also each man has a canoptic jar BET THEIR ORGANS GONNA GET ATE

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EVIE YOU ARE ABOUT TO SUMMON SOME SHIT

DON'T OPEN THE BOOK

DON'T DEAD OPEN INSIDE

69/- #YubiViews NOT NICE NOT NICE

OKAY!!! Time to check out Brandon! He writes the amazing Afropunk #Swordsfall and is someone you should have on your time line!!!

https://twitter.com/Swordsfall1/status/1246799932494921729?s=20

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"No harm ever came from reading a book."

OKAY SURE

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-somethign spooky happens with wind blowing and a screaming sound-

Rick: ... That happens a lot around here.

DJKDSKJDSKJFDKJDKJF LMFAOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD

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OH NO YOU FUCKIN GODDAMN SUMMONED HIM!!!!!

YOU SUMMONED HIM!!! EVIE!!!!! YOU SUMMONED HIM!!!!!

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oh you FUCKED up oh no there's so many locusts there's just so many bugs right now

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE INDEED

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oh no broken glasses guy is too relatable right now i am equally unable to see without my own specs :(

rip in pieces my dude enjoy being succ'd by the mummy

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OH NO EVIE HE'S GONNA BE ALL MESSED UP I DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW WHAT ORGAN IMHOTEP TOOK FIRST

probably lungs tho

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oh okay we're not following the laws of the jars we're just taking the eyes NO BIG DEAL OKAY

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HEY HOLD UP REAL QUICK EVIE SAID HER MOTHER WAS EGYPTIAN I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE'S A DESCENDENT OF THE LADY AT THE BEGINNING AND IMHOTEP GETS THE MUMMY HOTS FOR HER I WILL LOSE MY SHIT

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are you FUCKING kidding me

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IMHOTEP SCREAMED AT THEM AND RICK

RICK JUST FUCKING

SCREAMED RIGHT BACK AT HIM

OH YM FUCKI NGF GODDDD OH MY OGDDDD THAT'S SO GOOD OH MY GOD

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okay this next one is a little different, but you should all be following this account and checking out not only the work done there, but the work that's retweeted!

https://twitter.com/pocttrpgs/status/1116005031654850561?s=20

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GOD I LOVE RICK'S LIKE "but i GOT HIM"

also beni you son are FUCKED

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beni: ... my prince...

beni when i said 'fucked' earlier i did not mean like that and i am blanket banning ALL MUMMY COITUS IN THIS FILM I AM BANNING IT

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NYOOOOO THE CAT!!! OH HE LOOKS JUST LIKE MY LITTLE CAT WHO WENT MISSING I'M GONNA CRY... HE LOOKS LIKE MY GHOST...

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I HATE THIS

BENI I HATE THIS

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I HATE THEY CHOSE THE WORD "CONSUMATE" FOR THE CURSE I REALLY DON'T LIKE THAT

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YEAH YOU SURE DO HAVE PROBLEMS

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NO IMHOTEP DON'T YOU FUCKING KISS HER

I EXPLICITLY SAID NO MUMMY KISSES

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GENUINELY CURSED OH MY GOD OH NO!!!!!! I DIDN'T WANT THIS!!!!!

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YES HE SAVED THE DAY

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i don't think she's gonna be the human sacrifice i think it's gonna be WORSE

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is beni just fucking immortal, nothing can kill this guy huh

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You should ALSO all check out Makenzie! She writes D&D and TTRPG content!!!

https://twitter.com/MakenzieLaneDA/status/1249046216807075841?s=20

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boy he's nearly fully cooked huh this guy is nearly baked!!!!

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OH I HATE HIM EATING THE BUGS INSIDE HIM I HATE THAT A LOT

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DON'T KISS HER

SHE'S ASLEEP DON'T DO IT

DO NOT

OH GOD HE DID AND HIS FACE IS MELTING AND IT'S SO TERRIBLE

EVIE YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS

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oh my god i do love how comically afraid of the cat he is though like uuuuOOOOAAAUUGHHH!!!

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YES THIS HERO!!!! THIS HERO!!!!!!!

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oh no he's whole army of people now huh

i too like to go around chanting the name of the guy who's covered me in plauges

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YEAH TAKE THAT BAINBRIDGE SCHOLARS FUCK YOU MIXING UP YOUR BOOKS YOU CLOWNS

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oh no, goodbye final american

now imhotep will succ ur fluids and become true flesh

and be no longer afraid of cats

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"If he turns me into a mummy you're the first one I'm coming after." LMFAO EVIE IS NOT FUCKING AROUND I LOVE IT

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i love that planes are quicker than mummies

do you think he gets dizzy travelling like that AND WHERE THE FUCK DID HIS CLOTHES GO

PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON, IMHOTEP.

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Angela streams and writes TTRPG content, and works with race and MH! CHECK HER OUT!

https://twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme/status/1256313362197012480?s=20

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is this another one of the kinks in this film

i do NOT like it

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I AM LIKE 4 KISSES INTO THIS MOVIE AND THERE HAS YET TO BE A FULLY CONSENSUAL ONE

STOP KISSING

THE MUMMY

EVERYONE STOP KISSING AND EVERYONE STOP KISSING THE GODDAMN MUMMY!!!! I DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS GOING TO BE SUCH A PROBLEM!!!!!!!

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farewell aeroplane man you got your death wish enjoy eternity where no one is kissing mummies

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JONATHAN DO NOT PICK UP THE BUGS HOLY SHIT

RICK JUST CUT THAT DAMN THING RIGHT OUT OF YOU THANK GOD

STOP TOUCHING THINGS

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i love it when mummies make Ominous Monster Groans And Chitters it's just so delightful and IMPOSSIBLE

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OH SHIT WE FOUND THE ROOM OF GOLD AND TREASURE HUH

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THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD HOW IS SHOOTING THEM GOING TO DO ANYTHING

Y'ALL NEED TO BURN THESE THINGS OR SOMETHING

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oh my god no why is Evie chained up on a table blease don't do this to me

OKAY YES SEE THE DYNAMITE WAS A MUCH BETTER IDEA GOOD JOB RICK

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THIS IS A VERY LEGIT REACTION TO WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

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I LIKE RICK WITH A SWORD VERY MUCH THIS FIGHT IS EXCELLENT

also why does the key have to be inside his robes why do they SAY it like that!!!!

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Viditya is a game writer and designer!!! Check out his work here:

https://twitter.com/vidityavoleti/status/1255602564785152000?s=20

Help11/- #YubiViews

oh my god now we have mummies with armour and weapons

also my housemate is hoovering and i didn't ask her to so it really is the end times holy shit

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HKJADSDHKJSHKJSDA RICK WENT FOR THE INTIMIDATION CHECK AND THE MUMMIES ROLLED A NAT 20 ON THE SCREAM BACK AT HIM AND HIS FUCKING FACE IS A DELIGHT DFJDFKJDKJFDK

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oh my god we got some mummy on mummy action they're killing Anck again!!! PEOPLE NEED TO STOP KILLING HER!!!

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"KEEP HIM BUSY!"
-Imhotep throws Rick across the room repeatedly-
"No problem."

DjkdKJDSKJS ALSO WHY IS HE GETTING MORE NAKED!!!!! STOP IT!!!! PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!!!!

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OH SHIT HE'S MORTAL NOW AND HE'S TURNING BACK INTO HIS GRODY MUMMY SELF

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, PAL. THAT'S WHAT YOU GODDAMN GET!!!!!!!!!!!

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for FUCK's sake beni for FUCK'S SAKE oh my god

THE WHOLE PLACE IS SINKING

NO BOOKS, NO GOLD. NOTHING BUT YOUR LIVES

except for you beni rip you are stuck there forever now with all your gold and some scarabs huh

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OH SHIT THE PHARAOH GUARD GUY SURVIVED!!!!

WELL DONE PAL!!!!

THEY ALL GOT OUT!!! THEY DID IT!!!

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THE ONLY CORRECT RESPONSE TO ALL THE GODDAMN KISSING IN THIS FILM

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AHHHHH THEY GOT SOME GOLD AND IT'S THE END! Oh that was a SUPER fun movie!!! i cannot BELIEVE how much mummy kissing there was tho oh my GOD!!!

Thank you so much for joining me!!! My info is below but please check the others linked!

119/119 #YubiViews

https://twitter.com/uzbadyubi/status/1216074079209263104?s=20