Thread by @LekeAlder

1. My dear Jack, here’s the first question: #Letr2Jack

2. Did your relationship improve or deteriorate during the lockdown? #Letr2Jack

3. If your relationship improved it means you need to spend more time together. The time together did you good, made you appreciate each other more. You probably saw her in a new light, saw the effort she puts into your home. #Letr2Jack

4. You were available to be loved, there was less stress, more time to do things together, to talk, to share. She
could give, you could give. #Letr2Jack

5. It also means your relationship is healthy. You could spend time together. The “something” is still there. The
fundamentals are solid. You just need to create time for relationship. #Letr2Jack

6. Sometime in the future plan a trip together, away from everything and everybody, to further build on what you’ve got. #Letr2Jack

7. And if you can’t afford the trip perhaps you need to “quarantine” yourselves at home, say spend an entire weekend at home not going out. No pressures. #Letr2Jack

8. If you have kids send them away for the weekend, beg your mum or your aunt or sister to take them off your hands. #Letr2Jack

9. If we’re not careful marriage soon becomes all about the kids and not about the partners. Their demands will
dictate the relationship in the marriage. Sometimes you need time away from the kids so the marriage doesn’t suffer. #Letr2Jack

10. If your relationship deteriorated during the lockdown chances are you’ve grown apart or you’re getting irritated
with each other. It probably means someone is not listening to someone and everyone is sticking to their gun. #Letr2Jack

11. You need reset. Just as coronavirus reset the world. Your relationship must be reset as a matter of urgency, or
things will keep deteriorating until everyone lives in separate worlds. #Letr2Jack

12. If you spent the time arguing communication has broken down. Sometimes in marriage we don’t hear each other. #Letr2Jack

13. It’s not that we’re not listening, we’re just not hearing. And neither party is shifting their position. It’s why the argument goes round and round. There’s a stubborn insistence on a stand. #Letr2Jack

14. At the end of the day you’ll both get tired, exhaust each other. When you’re emotionally exhausted in marriage you avoid each other. #Letr2Jack

15. Unfortunately, you can’t avoid each other in a lockdown. And so what you’ve done is keep alternative hours, making sure you don’t even watch TV together. There’s a she schedule and a he schedule. #Letr2Jack

16. Now, in a healthy relationship that can happen, especially if you don’t have the same taste in programming. #Letr2Jack

17. But why it doesn’t affect healthy marriages is because there’s fundamental commitment. There’s love and devotion. #Letr2Jack

18. In a marriage growing apart it only reinforces locked in positions. What has happened is that both of you have
found ways to avoid each other. #Letr2Jack

19. Which is why she stays in the bedroom when you’re in the sitting room, or she stays in the sitting room when
you’re in the bedroom. You’re alternating current without the current. #Letr2Jack

20. If you want to save the relationship someone must call for a talk. It’s important to have that talk. Without that
talk the dam will not be breached. Just talk. #Letr2Jack

21. And when you have that talk be open. Neither party should stick to their position. It can’t work if it’s either
my way or the highway. Marriage requires compromise. #Letr2Jack

22. If you study successful marriages, you’ll discover there’s fundamental commitment to the success of the marriage. The parties want to stay together. They’ve staked their all. There’s no other option. #Letr2Jack

23. Marriage requires commitment. It also requires wisdom. You preserve your marriage. The cost of RUD (rapid unscheduled disassembly) is high. #Letr2Jack

24. It’s never too late to try and save the marriage. No matter what make the effort. Things become easier when you take self-righteousness off the table and you’re just exploring the marriage itself. #Letr2Jack

25. Young marriages shouldn’t be disassembling. It suggests impatience and lack of devotion to the success of the marriage. #Letr2Jack

26. Now, the other test we must administer is to gauge the temperature of the marriage during the lockdown. And I’m not saying anything! 😊 Was the temperature hot, as in things were passionate, or were things tepid? #Letr2Jack

27. The third test is to measure the fun in the marriage. Did you have fun together? Was there laughter in your home? Was there joy? Did you make fun of each other #Letr2Jack

28. If there was no fun both of you take things too seriously. Learn self-deprecation. It’s what creates jokes for your children as you grow old. #Letr2Jack

29. There’s one family I know where the father couldn’t send ordinary emails. He was used to his executive assistant doing all that for him. He was the perpetual butt of jokes in the family. The kids made fun of him. That’s what family is about! #Letr2Jack

30. I’m trying different shades of mask. Since I wear jeans a lot Mrs. A has got me blue and black masks. When I
tried them on for the first time, I felt like Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. Have you got yours? #Letr2Jack

31. Like Bane said, “Nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask.” Put on the mask! #Letr2Jack

32. We’ll talk again later. Your mentor, LA. #Letr2Jack

33. For related letters, search for WHAT A FANTASTIC MARRIAGE, THIS THING CALLED MARRIAGE and ROUNDING UP DECIMALS at jacknjillive.com. #Letr2Jack

34. Read, share & download #Letr2Jack – CORONA TEST at jacknjillive.com now.

35. © Leke Alder | [e-mail]. #Letr2Jack