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Seven years ago, I began writing #Letr2Jack & #Letr2Jil because I knew the devastating consequences of bad relationship and marriage choices. I've about covered every topic, from sex to inlaws, to divorce and everything in between. Over 600 letters in all. 
I'm drawing the curtain on @JacknJilLive but the past issues will remain available at jacknjillive.com. I'll also compile key topics as e-books. However, I believe what is needed now is a strategic focus on business development, because of the times.
Having built @AlderConsulting from the ground up and consulted for high profile corporations, I believe I'm in a unique position to offer critical advice to SMEs.
1. My dear Jil, the reason you keep having arguments and unending quarrels in this relationship is because of your disposition. #Letr2Jil
2. You’re not balancing your needs with his needs. And you want to dictate the terms of the relationship, control what happens, every sequence. You won’t have a relationship if you continue. It will be too much. #Letr2Jil
3. There’s all that selfishness as well. You take what you want emotionally but give back the barest minimum. You imagine that will keep him wanting you, tether him to you. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, it’s coronavirus lockdown blues. He’s feeling horny. His proposal is only valid for the coronavirus lockdown period. #Letr2Jil
2. He’s just looking for someone to shack up with during the lockdown. He’s looking for corona sex. #Letr2Jil
3. Which explains why he wants you to come to his house in the night. And there's no plan to get you back home. You can liken it to buying a one-way ticket. #Letr2Jil
1. I assume you’re taking all necessary precautions to protect your family from Coronavirus. #Letr2Jil
2. You should reach out to your parents by phone since you can't visit them on account of the lockdown. #Letr2Jil
3. As for the question you asked, everyone has a philosophy of marriage, even if not articulated. It may be religious, it may be cultural, it may be liberal. Everyone’s approach to marriage is based on the philosophy he or she subscribes to. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, it’s a desolate world. And everything we held dear, everything we thought was important has suddenly lost significance. #Letr2Jil
2. We thought we couldn’t do without clubbing and parties. As it turns out we can do without them. #Letr2Jil
3. We thought weddings had to be prohibitively expensive, that we couldn’t do without unaffordable receptions. But our halls are now empty. We could have simple weddings after all. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, congrats on the birth of your baby boy. Your motherly instinct would have kicked in by now so I’m not going to advice you on some things. #Letr2Jil
2. Boy or girl it really doesn’t matter. Or we’ll step into the cultural retrogression of a bygone era. #Letr2Jil
3. You need to be careful though about stepping into the role of a mother but vacating the role of a wife. Don’t make that mistake. The two roles are not mutually exclusive. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, I quite understand what you’re going through. You’re at that age in which you’re examining your life, where nothing seems so sure. You’re wondering about life. #Letr2Jil
2. To those viewing from outside it will all look so strange. How?! You’re accomplished. You’re achieving. Yet those questions persist in your head creating self-doubt. #Letr2Jil
3. Those questions, those feelings breed philosophical uncertainties. They make your achievements sort of “nonexistent,” like they dematerialized. You’re floating in a sea of doubt. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, the desires of our life naturally present their own logic. This is more so in relationships. But we don’t always factor in the logic of our desire. #Letr2Jil
2. Such an omission unfortunately misdefines expectations in marriage and if care is not taken can lead to serious issues. #Letr2Jil
3. If you want to marry a young dude for example, the age bracket naturally determines economic strength. At that age the young man is still trying to find his feet and that should temper your expectations. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, it’s the beginning of the year. The year is pregnant – pregnant with hopes and dreams and possibilities. #Letr2Jil
2. Either of two things would have happened already. This is January. It’s either you’re seeing encouraging signs or you’re seeing discouraging signs. #Letr2Jil
3. The discouraging signs will tell you to throw the year away, the encouraging signs will tell you the year will be good. Don’t believe the discouraging signs. #Letr2Jil
My dear Jack and Jil, I present a few nuggets from my letters to you this year. Here they are:
1. Marriage is not supposed to be difficult. Marry someone you can get along with. #Letr2Jil
2. Don’t marry someone with the hope of changing the person. That’s rather presumptuous. #Letr2Jack
1. My dear Jil, loneliness can be difficult, very difficult. But it can also turn deadly. If you’ve been waiting for a man for some time it can drive you to do things you won’t ordinarily contemplate. #Letr2Jil
2. I get the sense from your letter you’re at that point – the point at which you’re ready to take rash decisions and use loneliness as justification. You’re about to let go and yield to lower impulses. #Letr2Jil
3. You’re about to procure a convenient solution to the problem of loneliness, which is really no solution. It will only compound your issues. Loveless sex can’t resolve the question of loneliness. Affection is very important. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, one of the critical mechanics of a good marriage is agreement. #Letr2Jil
2. And I’m not just talking situational agreement on specific issues. I’m talking about agreement on life philosophy, values, doctrine and concept of family. These are things that produce harmony. #Letr2Jil
3. Personalities may differ, but values must not differ. When values differ that’s fundamental disharmony. Couples do better when they’re agreed on values. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, I understand where you’re coming from. I’m not the condemning type. I understand how we can be so messed up by our desires and passions. Everyone is susceptible. It’s why you diligently guard your heart. #Letr2Jil
2. I watched a movie the other day. Interesting story angle but sloppy editing. Still worth pondering though. #Letr2Jil
3. The story was essentially a trilateral relationship between a man looking for green card, his wife and his American benefactor girlfriend. The wife lives in Haiti. #Letr2Jil
1. Jil morning! Let’s quickly do an exercise. I want you to draw four boxes on a piece of paper, number them 1,2,3,4. You’re going to write some names in those boxes so make them fairly big. #Letr2Jil
2. Label Box 1 “Very Difficult”, Box 2 “Difficult”, Box 3 “Easy”’ Box 4 “Very Easy.” #Letr2Jil
3. Now you need to populate those boxes. In Box 1, the “Very Difficult” box, write down the names of your friends and marital prospects who are VERY difficult people. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, this is not marriage. Whatever it is you have violates the essence of marriage. #Letr2Jil
2. Is a bed of nails really a bed? Yes, it looks like one but can it support comfortable sleep? One might as well sleep on the floor. It will be more comfortable. #Letr2Jil
3. Only an Indian mystic will fancy a bed of nails; but even for him it will be more about proving a point, and for a short period of time. No mystic permanently sleeps on a bed of nails. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, you have to be mindful of the philosophy you subscribe to for your marriage. There are all sorts of crazy stuff out there. Some advice are whimsical delusions of the demonic variety. #Letr2Jil
2. You don’t whimsically start trouble in your home for no reason. And then you send a fleshly visual as compensation to your man after disturbing his peace. What kind of unfortunate advice is that?! It’s radioactive. #Letr2Jil
3. The advice betrays a lack of understanding about the makeup of men. It’s a misbegotten permutation of affection – crass manipulativeness disguised as love game. It belongs to movies. It’s the S&M variant of affection. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, English language is a poor arbiter of certain expressions relative to native tongue. It just lacks capacity for certain imageries, can’t express full depths of meaning. #Letr2Jil
2. Take the word translated “fool” in the Solomonic text, “The fool hath said in his heart there is no God.” When you read the West African Yoruba translation there’s a wide berth. The word “fool” is translated “asiwere.” #Letr2Jil
3. Transliterated, “asiwere” means “local manufacturer of a variety of madness that manifests in grimy half nakedness in the market square – the type of madness that has gone beyond accommodation by family members. It knows no bounds.” #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, you’re thinking short term but when it comes to marriage you have to think long term. #Letr2Jil
2. This is what worries me... This guy toasting you, what exactly does he do for a living? Where’s all the money coming from? #Letr2Jil
3. It’s a legitimate question considering his level of expenditure. He’s always buying you stuff – very, very expensive stuff. He blows a fortune each time he goes to the club. What exactly does he do? #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, I quite understand where you are... I do understand. #Letr2Jil
2. If it’s not real, it’s not really temptation. #Letr2Jil
3. You don’t tempt an alcoholic with water for example. If it’s not alcohol it can’t be temptation to him. Same thing goes for you. If hunger for affection isn’t your vulnerability this won’t be temptation to you. #Letr2Jil
1. Jil, the challenge you have is that you’re sending out the wrong vibes. You’re giving the impression you don’t want a relationship when in fact you want one. #Letr2Jil
2. You’re dismissive in attitude, portray a picture of self sufficiency and therefore have no need of a guy. Guys are reading those cues and staying away. What do you expect? #Letr2Jil
3. It would be foolhardy of any guy to approach you given the vibes you’re sending out. You’re making it clear you don’t want a relationship. No guy wants to embark on a fool’s errand. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, you have to be smarter about life. You have to be wise about your relationship. You must protect your marriage. #Letr2Jil
2. Evil communication corrodes good manners. As that African proverb says, the sheep that fellowships with wild dogs will take on the habits of wild dogs. #Letr2Jil
3. There are friends and there are friends. Differentiate and be wise. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, there are things that create relationship. Just as there are things that destroy relationship. If you want a relationship you have to do the things that create relationship. #Letr2Jil
2. What you’re doing will destroy your relationship. And they will destroy any marriage from within. There are marriages that implode without a single fight. #Letr2Jil
3. Attitudinal disposition is a major issue in marriage. It’s what creates the conditions in marriage. Disposition is huge in marriage. #Letr2Jil
1. My dear Jil, I can understand why your friends want to marry a ready-made man. They don’t want to struggle, don’t want inconvenience. #Letr2Jil
2. The truth however is that most of the girls in your set won’t marry a ready-made guy. The statistics can’t support that desire. The ratios of life won’t support it. #Letr2Jil
3. At the starting block of life for your set there will be more broke guys than guys who have succeeded. Available ready-made men will tend to be widowers, divorcees or older gentlemen. Overnight success is a rare phenomenon. It’s even an anomaly. #Letr2Jil
#Letr2Jil – LIFE HAPPENS starts now.
1. My dear Jil, let me tell you a little bit about life. It’s important you understand life. I’ll tell you a little story. #Letr2Jil
2. There were four friends, all female, all beautiful. Each was building her business, and each turned out successful. They were all married by the way. Let’s call them Mrs. A, B,C & D. #Letr2Jil
