The truth about being a physician and a mom is that’s incredibly difficult and I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t struggled to be both. Things I have learned, that I wish younger me knew. A #MothersDay #medtwitter thread...1/
You kid will sometimes express anger, hurt, sadness at you being away. This is hard to see because it triggers an instinct to fix it. You can’t unsad them by compromising YOU. Trust they are learning important lessons of self-sacrifice and self-sufficiency. 2/
You want a resilient kid, they have to feel hard things. They have to. You can’t protect them from all pain. Kids will be adults one day and I don’t know a single adult who says “I wish my mom had given up everything that was important and meaningful to her for my wants.” 3/
Expand the time you have together by being present for it. Feel where your feet are and be there. Listen hard. If your kid knows nothing more than you are a safe place where they feel valued and heard you are absolutely killing it. 4/
Monitor your use of the guilt word carefully. A friend told me early on that if I used the word guilt, I should try to replace it with shame and see if it still held true. If it didn’t, drop it. 5/
So, “I feel so guilty I didn’t make it home for X” becomes “I’m ashamed I didn’t make it home,” and you easily see how we have nothing to actually be ashamed or guilty for. Don’t tell yourself a story you wouldn’t tell a dear friend. 6/
Avoid the traps. The current over-parenting-martyrdom-self-sacrifice-that-slowly-turns-to-resentment is extra dumb. Be the strongest, most fulfilled version of you by being truly alive. That’s actually what you owe your kid. 7/
You don’t owe anyone your constant availability. Not anyone. The text, email, call, post (even Twitter) can wait. Set boundaries so that you can have enough space for what matters to you. 8/
How? Choose projects that fulfill your mission and values because there isn’t some “thing” that once attained will magically complete you (not even a book). Don’t give away energy that won’t return to you in a generative way. 9/
Know you are enough. Even on the days you are certain you are not. A mother’s love aggregates over time. Fin.
