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TOUR GUIDE: welcome to Baldur's Gate, the city of blood!

GNOME: did he just say blood

ROGUE: shh pay attention

GUIDE: those are the docks! mind the fog

GNOME: wait why

DM: some fog clears, revealing a fresh stab victim

GNOME:

GUIDE: [steps over body]
GUIDE: moving on
#dnd
TOUR GUIDE: and that little neighborhood over there is called Brampton!

ROGUE: who's that guy with the net?

TOUR GUIDE: oh! it look's like one of our resident rat catchers, Whaul Nightley

GNOME: that's a big-ass net

TOUR GUIDE: you're in for a real treat

#dnd
ROGUE: it looks like he's having trouble

TOUR GUIDE: i agree

GNOME: should we... help him?

TOUR GUIDE: no no

TOUR GUIDE: it's best to enjoy the sights of Brampton at a safe distance

GNOME: uh

TOUR GUIDE: it's certainly a struggle now!

#dnd
BRAMPTON RESIDENT: i'll give you 3:1 odds in favor of the rat catcher

TOUR GUIDE: oh! hello there

ROGUE: 5 gp on the rat

GNOME: what are you doing??

ROGUE: i'm about to turn that chump change into this month's rent

#dnd
DM: the rat and Whaul go at it for a rew rounds

DM: [rolls dice]

DM: eventually, the rat gets the best of the rat catcher, dragging the corpse into a nearby sewer pipe

ROGUE: see what'd I tell you

GNOME: i feel dirty

#dnd
ROGUE: alright, time to get paid

ROGUE: wait, where'd she go

TOUR GUIDE: it looks like you got the ole Brampton Switcharoo! try not to get distracted by the sights and smells along the way

ROGUE: whoa what the hell

TOUR GUIDE: moving on

#dnd
TOUR GUIDE: and now for the next part of our tour

ROGUE: this a dead end

TOUR GUIDE: indeed it is!
TOUR GUIDE: [pulls out a knife]
TOUR GUIDE: for you

DM: multiple tour guides emerge from the alleyways, holding brochures and spiked flails

ROGUE: now i feel dirty

#dnd
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Justice Arman 📜 Candlekeep 🏰📚
@justice_arman
DM: The dragon rakes her claws across your unconscious ally, hissing "You underestimate me!"

PALADIN: ha! I've faced worse, old wyrm.

DM: she's pretty evil dude ngl

PALADIN: psh. i touch my fallen comrade and cast revivify

DM: She counterspells it

PALADIN: she what

#dnd
DM: she counterspells your revivify

PALADIN: she can cast spells??

DM: [nods]

PALADIN: holy moly you weren't kidding she IS evil

DM: i told y'all

PALADIN: [player gets up from table and starts to contemplate their choices]

#dnd
PALADIN: [turns around]
PALADIN: can she do that more than once??

DM:

PALADIN: how many spells does she have???

DM:

PALADIN: i only have one diamond left
PALADIN:
PALADIN: what if she counterspells it again?

DM:

PALADIN: WHY ARE YOU BEING SO QUIET RIGHT NOW?

#dnd
Read 22 tweets
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Justice Arman 📜 Candlekeep 🏰📚
@justice_arman
DM: you come across a large egg

DRUID: can we please keep this one?

WIZARD: what kind of egg is that?

DRUID: [looks at DM]

DM: [passes note]

DRUID: it's an, uh, dog egg

#dnd
WIZARD: that doesn't sound real

DRUID: i told you to take Nature proficiency

WIZARD: remember the last time we kept an egg?

DRUID:

WIZARD: there used to be three of us

DRUID: now there can be again!

#dnd
WIZARD: i have 9 hit points

DRUID: it will protect you

WIZARD: fine but—

DRUID: [squeal]

WIZARD: BUT if the first sound I don't hear is a BARK, it's bye bye egg dog

#dnd
Read 18 tweets
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Justice Arman 📜 Candlekeep 🏰📚
@justice_arman
DM: your axe drips blood onto the temple's marble floor. one lone kobold stands holding a piece of parchment defensively

BARBARIAN: i raise my weapon

DM: he flips the page around, revealing gold arcane sigils

DM: it's a wish scroll

WIZARD: oh my god EVERBODY STAY CALM

#dnd
BARBARIAN: i can't remember his initiative

WIZARD: back away slowly

BARBARIAN: i could have sworn mine was higher, right?

WIZARD: Back. Away. SLOWLY.

BARBARIAN: i'm pretty fast tho

#dnd
ROGUE: mine was definitely before his

WIZARD:

ROGUE: i think

WIZARD: we are NOT having this discussion

ROGUE: can he even read, tho?

WIZARD: why are you still talking

ROGUE: i'm pretty fast too

#dnd
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