Let's talk about... Aftercare
As always: this is my opinion, yours may vary, there are no rules, and please remove unexpected item from the bagging area.
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As always: this is my opinion, yours may vary, there are no rules, and please remove unexpected item from the bagging area.
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What is aftercare? Many BDSM scenes are quite intense - physically and/or emotionally - so “aftercare” is a good way to wrap up and take care of each other before returning to reality.
What is aftercare? Many BDSM scenes are quite intense - physically and/or emotionally - so “aftercare” is a good way to wrap up and take care of each other before returning to reality.
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For example, during a scene the Dom may have been all “I’ll teach you not to do that!” or “You’re such a filthy little…” and so on. Aftercare is the perfect time to reassure the sub that actually, they’re pretty awesome and remind them that it was all just roleplay.
For example, during a scene the Dom may have been all “I’ll teach you not to do that!” or “You’re such a filthy little…” and so on. Aftercare is the perfect time to reassure the sub that actually, they’re pretty awesome and remind them that it was all just roleplay.
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Likewise, the sub may have been giving it “I hate you touching me!” or “you call that a spanking? You spank like a kitten!”, so aftercare is when they can reassure the Dom that they spank really well and the touching was welcome.
Likewise, the sub may have been giving it “I hate you touching me!” or “you call that a spanking? You spank like a kitten!”, so aftercare is when they can reassure the Dom that they spank really well and the touching was welcome.
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Another good reason to spend time on aftercare is the “drop” that many people experience after a scene. We go through the wringer emotionally, physically and chemically during a scene- endorphins and adrenaline can really do a number on you after.
Another good reason to spend time on aftercare is the “drop” that many people experience after a scene. We go through the wringer emotionally, physically and chemically during a scene- endorphins and adrenaline can really do a number on you after.
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In particular, intense scenes like CNC, roleplay, extended impact sessions (especially to help release emotion) and "pushing limits" can be very taxing. These in particular need careful consideration of aftercare beforehand - make sure everything is ready before you start.
In particular, intense scenes like CNC, roleplay, extended impact sessions (especially to help release emotion) and "pushing limits" can be very taxing. These in particular need careful consideration of aftercare beforehand - make sure everything is ready before you start.
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Aftercare can take many forms; whatever soothes or relaxes you. It could be a bath, snuggling on the sofa with a mug of tea under a cosy blanket, stroking their hair, watching a movie. Also take the time so soothe the physical scars- apply lotion, plasters, maybe a massage.
Aftercare can take many forms; whatever soothes or relaxes you. It could be a bath, snuggling on the sofa with a mug of tea under a cosy blanket, stroking their hair, watching a movie. Also take the time so soothe the physical scars- apply lotion, plasters, maybe a massage.
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As well as reassuring each other that you didn’t mean those things you said, it’s also an ideal opportunity to provide feedback to each other and discuss what did/didn’t work, or things you would like to do next time.
As well as reassuring each other that you didn’t mean those things you said, it’s also an ideal opportunity to provide feedback to each other and discuss what did/didn’t work, or things you would like to do next time.
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The key thing is that it’s a chance to recover, reset and reassure. As with everything, it’s not mandatory; no-one’s going to arrest you if you don’t do it. Not everyone wants or needs it. However, if you’re playing with someone, do ask them, and let them know if you do too.
The key thing is that it’s a chance to recover, reset and reassure. As with everything, it’s not mandatory; no-one’s going to arrest you if you don’t do it. Not everyone wants or needs it. However, if you’re playing with someone, do ask them, and let them know if you do too.
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It’s fine to not want it yourself, but it’s very bad practice, to refuse to provide aftercare for your play partner. It can even be quite distressing. Many of us have ended up basically providing aftercare for people we haven’t played with, because their partner didn’t.
It’s fine to not want it yourself, but it’s very bad practice, to refuse to provide aftercare for your play partner. It can even be quite distressing. Many of us have ended up basically providing aftercare for people we haven’t played with, because their partner didn’t.
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It’s also worth remembering that sub- or Dom-drop can kick in even a day or more after a scene- it’s nice to let your partner know you’ll be available to chat if they need to.
It’s also worth remembering that sub- or Dom-drop can kick in even a day or more after a scene- it’s nice to let your partner know you’ll be available to chat if they need to.
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Please, be a considerate kinkster, and offer aftercare and/or provide it if asked. Not doing so is the equivalent of wiping off your genitals on the curtains after you’re done.
Please, be a considerate kinkster, and offer aftercare and/or provide it if asked. Not doing so is the equivalent of wiping off your genitals on the curtains after you’re done.
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Remember:
- Aftercare is different for everyone
- It’s just as important to Doms as well as subs
- It’s good practice
- Don’t be the grinch who doesn’t provide it
- Pamper the body, mind and spirit
- I’m a really good hair stroker. Just saying.
Remember:
- Aftercare is different for everyone
- It’s just as important to Doms as well as subs
- It’s good practice
- Don’t be the grinch who doesn’t provide it
- Pamper the body, mind and spirit
- I’m a really good hair stroker. Just saying.
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