Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

Things I learnt from skimming the Twitter this weekend:

1. Hundreds and hundreds of hipsters cram themselves into Toronto's T-B Park yesterday, ignoring physical distancing protocols. Proving Frisbee > COVID.
2. Doug Ford appointed an 800-pound gorilla to his COVID task force.

3. Kenney's hired at least 3 ex-CPC staffers. All 3 were thrown under the bus by Scheer and Harper. Proving the UCP is in fact the dark oily underside of the political bus.
4. Scheer says he'll wear a mask if in-person QP is reconvened. More CPC bravery to be announced shortly.

5. Saying party contributions are down due to COVID, Kenney says UCP is applying for the emergency wage subsidy. Says he's only looking for a Fair Deal for Brock W. Harrison and Matt Wolf.
6. Stephen Harper announces during recent interview he's changed his name to Karen Harper.

7. UCP closes prov parks and opens mining sites, hoping tourists will flock to the province to enjoy authentic Canadian tailings mountains.
8. With cases still trending up, Doug re-opens parts of the ON economy, saying rich people have gone far too long with dust in their houses.

9. Ontario's Education Minister says, "parents are insisting on an enhanced embrace of synchronous learning." It's not clear if that embrace will involve any caressing or tickling though.
10. O'Toole announces he wants to take Canada back from China and give it to Saudi Arabia.

11. John Tory on people crowding T-B Park: "They're all smart people, but simply need to try harder." Considers giving them all a Participation Award.
12. Doug says "nothing makes me crazier!" than commercial landlords evicting tenants. Offers residential tenants some cheesecake.

13. Denise Batters is furious Ottawa pickleball courts have opened while Andrew's still stuck in his home office watching Paw Patrol reruns.
14. Brian Lilley writes "Dr Tam must be tossed!", saying Tam made decisions early on and then failed to ignore any new evidence later.

15. After getting his diplomatic arse kicked by China and being ignored by Joe Biden, Kenney waits for Butts at the bike rack after school.
16. Kenney cuts 5 programs and 41 jobs at Medicine Hat College. Says technical skills have no place in Alberta's diversified mining future.

17. Poilievre says the Fed's relief programs are loading up Canada's credit card and future generations will suffer. Says if CPC were in power, they would not load up the nation's credit card and future generations of dead and homeless Canadians would be much happier.
18. Squirt.

19. Toronto's Head Doc urges people to continue social distancing this weekend, saying a spike in cases is expected after many Torontonians ignored social distancing protocols on Mother's Day. In unrelated news, Doug says he'll make some strawberry shortcake next.
20. #Cheesecake

21. Trump carries around his mask in his hand while touring a Ford plant. Says "The Sharona virus. It's tricky. Gets in through the fingernails. I read that. Very tricky thing. Hand masks. I thought of that. Masks on hands. My idea. Also, I invented cars."