Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let’s broaden our minds!
Its not every day that an actor comes close to challenging an congressman to fisticuffs!
Recently, Patricia Arquette, the famous actress who played in such films as “Nightmare on Elmstreet 3: Dream Warriors” and “The Indian Runner” tweeted to Ted Cruz, after the latter had
Recently, Patricia Arquette, the famous actress who played in such films as “Nightmare on Elmstreet 3: Dream Warriors” and “The Indian Runner” tweeted to Ted Cruz, after the latter had
engaged with the actor Ron Pearlman in a Twitter debate. Patricia Arquette wrote the following:
“Stop Ted I’m an inch away from challenging you to an UFC match.”
Oh, THEM”s FIGHTING WORDS!
“Stop Ted I’m an inch away from challenging you to an UFC match.”
Oh, THEM”s FIGHTING WORDS!
After both careful consideration and naughty temptation, I decided to make a battle thread, to do a step-by-step battle analysis on who would actually win if they engaged in a UFC match!
Before we begin: this battle thread will not be decided by politics. I am neither
Before we begin: this battle thread will not be decided by politics. I am neither
conservative or liberal, but a mixture of both. Thus, the only determining factors in deciding who wins this battle will be facts, slapstick and the money that I’m being paid to ensure that one of the opponents gets the victory!!
First off, let’s look at training: While Patricia Arquette cut her teeth in the not-so-dangerous world of acting, Ted Cruz engaged in anything but combat when he was in law and then in politics. I have found NOTHING that indicates that either of them has a martial arts background
No kung fu, MMA, boxing, not even sumo wrestling.
In short, both opponents can’t fight their way out of a paper bag!
In short, both opponents can’t fight their way out of a paper bag!
Thus, when it comes to training, they are DEAD EVEN!
Next, let’s look at physicality:
Ted Cruz is about 6 feet tall and listed at 176 pounds. Patricia Arquette is 5 feet 1 and, though her weight is unlisted, its fair to say that Ted Cruz FAR outweighs her. He is also younger by two years, but this age gap isn’t enough to give him
Ted Cruz is about 6 feet tall and listed at 176 pounds. Patricia Arquette is 5 feet 1 and, though her weight is unlisted, its fair to say that Ted Cruz FAR outweighs her. He is also younger by two years, but this age gap isn’t enough to give him
a youthful vigor edge. He does have the size advantage.
However, this gets more complicated when it comes to gender (Men’s rights activists and feminist’s alike: you need to take heart tablets NOW! I'm about to write things you may not like).
However, this gets more complicated when it comes to gender (Men’s rights activists and feminist’s alike: you need to take heart tablets NOW! I'm about to write things you may not like).
Men do have a size and strength advantage, as well as greater bone density, but women have a far greater pain tolerance (as well as greater tolerance of temperatures and illness). This is why God made women the ones to have babies; if it was the other way around, we’d be extinct
a LONG TIME AGO!
Thus, while Ted has a size advantage, Patricia has the pain tolerance advantage!
We cannot leave the subject of physicality without noting one factor: beauty!
Patricia Arquette is a KNOCKOUT! Even in her 50’s she’s still looks good. Her beauty is dazzling, enough so that it
We cannot leave the subject of physicality without noting one factor: beauty!
Patricia Arquette is a KNOCKOUT! Even in her 50’s she’s still looks good. Her beauty is dazzling, enough so that it
could take the congressman way off guard, thus giving her another serious advantage!
Thus, a greater pain tolerance, combined with stunning beauty, gives Patricia the edge in physicality!
Now let’s look at a final factor: RULES!
Thus, a greater pain tolerance, combined with stunning beauty, gives Patricia the edge in physicality!
Now let’s look at a final factor: RULES!
Like most presidential candidates, Ted Cruz doesn’t really play by the rules in terms of timing. He often continues to talk when a moderator tells him that its time to stop. This could indicate that, in a UFC match, Ted might keep swinging after a round is officially over. This
would result in the ref breaking it up repeatedly, telling Ted to cut it out. The thing is, though, Ted most of the time won’t stop at first when a moderator tells him his time limit is up. Indeed, he continues to speak for several seconds. Thus, he could likewise keep swinging
after the end of each round, and if he does this enough, it could at the very least cost him enough points to eventually give Patricia the win. At the most, he could be even disqualified, the fight automatically going to Patricia. Indeed, he might even accidentally hit the ref
during these after-round berserker frenzies, thus becoming disqualified!
Patricia, on the other hand, doesn’t have that problem. Indeed, I don’t think she’s ever been arrested. Thus, she has an advantage again!
So…who wins?
I see this fight going one or two ways:
Patricia, on the other hand, doesn’t have that problem. Indeed, I don’t think she’s ever been arrested. Thus, she has an advantage again!
So…who wins?
I see this fight going one or two ways:
Either Ted get’s DQ’s over continuing to punch after every round…or Ted is overcome by her gorgeous looks, says “Hey, baby!”…and get’s the mother of all sucker punches, collapsing to the mat. From there, Patricia can ground and pound until the ref calls it off!
Thus, I conclude…
PATRICIA ARQUETTE ARMBARS TED CRUZ!!!!!!!!!
@threadreaderapp unroll
*a* congressman
*Elm Street*
Sorry, I was in a rush
*Elm Street*
Sorry, I was in a rush
