1. Last night, during a conversation about #racism my wife explained something to me that transformed the way I think about an incident that created tension between us.
A thread on #SystemicRacism.
A thread on #SystemicRacism.
2. Earlier this year, we were walking through Whistler with our daughter when my attention was drawn to a situation between a man and woman ahead of us. She was obviously intoxicated and upon examination, I could see that he was gripping arm tightly... pulling/dragging her along.
3. I saw the woman twist and shake her arm free and when the man grabbed her again, even more forcefully, she fell to the ground. As he started to yell at her, I took a few steps ahead of my family to intervene and began to shout at the guy, "Hey! Stop! That's not okay!"
4. He then turned his aggression toward me, approaching with a puffed up chest and telling me to mind my own business. Aware of my daughter, I did not want to escalate the situation, but I also didn't want to see this guy harm this woman any more than he already had.
5. All of this happened very quickly, and as the man neared, my wife jumped between us, telling me to back away. There was more yelling between me and the man, who was defending his actions by saying that the woman was wasted and that he wasn't hurting her.
6. After the situation was de-escalated by a man with a baby in a Bjorn, I felt indignant. I was angry with my wife for placing herself in harm's way and for asking me to stand down when I felt obligated to stand up. Even after we discussed it together as a family...
7. and tried to explain to our 9yo daughter why dad was yelling at a stranger, upsetting mom, I was left with a some residual frustration and resentment about the way that my wife intervened and asked me to NOT do the thing that I hope anyone would do for her or our daughter.
8. What my wife said last night completely disarmed my feelings about that moment. She told me that she jumped between us and tried to stop me because she is always afraid that if police become involved, as a big brown man, I'll be the one who gets hurt, or killed.
9. This is a conversation white couples never need to have in this world, that the physical characteristics of one or both might overshadow who/what is right and end in tragedy. This is just one example of how unconscious bias and systemic racism impact people every single day.
(While writing this I remembered a tweet by @jessewente about a similar conversation in his family. I wanted to share, but I can't find it.)
