Share this page!

Enter URL or ID to Unroll

You can paste full URL like: https://x.com/threadreaderapp/status/1644127596119195649
or just the ID like: 1644127596119195649

How to get URL link on X (Twitter) App

  1. On the Twitter thread, click on or icon on the bottom
  2. Click again on or Share Via icon
  3. Click on Copy Link to Tweet
  4. Paste it above and click "Unroll Thread"!
  5. More info at Twitter Help
Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
@UncleMthwithi
Jun 27, 2020 • 19 tweets • 8 min read • Read on X
Scrolly
Herewith Episode 4 of #NdebeleTwitter Big Saturday Read, #UmnxebaWodumo

Ukulobola iKharadi

As you are aware, UMthwithi is a Dombo 4 Hire. Ngake ngayalobola ikharadi eBarham Green. Bo Jo! Samiswa egedini for almost 2hrs. Gedi lakhona alila intercom futhi. Ilanga litshisa bhe Image
2.. After sesiphose sawela inkanda, thutshu isalukazi seKharadi. A bubbly granny I must say. Will call her Madea. She looked tipsy though and umthabo wakhe bordered around ukuba lizankanyana, just a bit. Kulomsebenzi lapha ku Madea. Clearly. She welcomed us warmly though Image
3. Lami ngangigqoke iLobola outfit, that one ethi AngikaSenti but Ungangijwayeli amasimba. Madea led us into the house saya naba phezu kweTile eliqanda moo, No cansi. For luck I don't wear iskhindi for such missions. Igear box yahle yathi kwata phezu kweTile. Ngaphosa ngafroza. Image
4. Sabhadala isivula mlomo. Sabuzwa ukuthi sihamba ngani. Ngachaza. Kwabizwa amankazana to confirm our story. Weenaaa. Ngamabhoza wodwa. Lihle iKharadi Jo! Bahle abantwana bagezile. Ngezwa lesenglisi lincibilika ethayilini. IConfi full tank. We chose owethu. Laye wavuma. Baphuma Image
5. Nothing satisfies me more than ukuvelela a beautiful person. Kwesinye isikhathi ngiyake ngiyizwele imali umfana eselobole umratha wenundumathara besengiduduzwa yikuthi laba abangabahle kuthiwa bayabulala ngama bedroom gymnastics plus balenhliziyo ezinhle. Qhubekani. Andizi! Image
6. Basitshaje ukangaziwe. Kukhanya lawa ngamakharadi adla amacimbi sibili. Kutshajwa isiNdebele sibili. Lakanye simbhadale ukangaziwe sikhonokhonona ngoba bethe $1k. Kodwa phela akukhalwa khathesi. Isisu ngizwe siqubuka sesingithuma ukuthi ngisabele ubizo. Sekufuneka irecess. Image
7. Babize ilobolo. Inkomo 12 lekamama 1. Kukhanya kufuna ukuvuka ngathi okungo ekse. Kumbe kufuna ukuvula ibhutsha asazi. Inkomo bathi yi $700 ekamama bathi $1k. Kusemqansweni lapha. Best move ask for recess. Saphuma to deliberate. Mina spidi ngiqonda eToilet. Image
8. Ngifike ngihude Jo! Nyoni ntshantshaza style. Ngiqede. Gu gu gu icistern. No manzi! Ngizwe esiMadea simemeza: Hey Tony how many times must I tell you not to bhotsha in the afternoon? We got no water and you busy nukisaring here in front of visitors? Whats wrong with you... Image
9. Ngiswabe ethwelethi. Luphendule oluTony: it's not me Aunty it's one of the bakhwenyanas! Hawu msindisi! Ngizwe serious giggling labo 'guy is fu*ken rotten' labo 'nigger can nukisa' labo 'burst sewer bra' Ngaze ngayengeka shame. Sat there stupified.Sangenza isisu Image
10. After a while Madea says: if you intend to sit in there till water comes, u will be there till Thursday. Kuhleke okungoTony. Ngizwe: what's wrong with this guy? Locks himself in there as if he is here to Kaak! Ngaphuma ngacela ibhakede. Inhloni bhe. Umnuko hatsha Image
11. Sibuyele phakathi to negotiate. I argue that 12 cows is steep, can they reduce. Also the price yabo iyadura so we intend to bring eziphilayo. Isalukazi esinye sivele sithi 'This chap is crazy. Where do we keep cows here? And feed them what? His sh*t that he left by the loo?? Image
12. Kwangihleka okungoswayini ngadana. Okunye kuthi 'Dont be mean Aunty' Wangenza umfana madoda aze azongithela emaKharadini. Eventually, sicine sivumelene on 8 cows at 500 ekamama. The rest at 350. From there singenise igrosari endlini. Next step is introductions Image
13. Baqale bona bazitsho ukuthi ngobani. Bona ngabako Oosthuizen kodwa they were raised nguMaDube ugogo kaMadea owamithiswa likhiwa ayelisebenzela. Kuthiwe kulo Toby uphandle and we must not mind him. Lathi sizitsho ukuthi singobani. Uncle Mthwithi? Wakanda name is that? Kudlule Image
14. From intoductions kuthiwe siyehlinza imbuzi. Yizigebenga okungo ekse lokhu. Hwaphu hwaphu ngama Okapi kuqede. Woza braai Woza Tshwala woza food. Sekutshaywa leRadio sekukholiswa. Lendaba yeToilet is forgotten. Mthwithi laye sezincengisela kokuRobyn. (Thread coming soon) Image
15. Enter Toby manje. Topless. Dead drunk carrying umgodla wamaChunks esibuyelawo. So you b*ches think you can go f*uck my sis coz you lobolad her using Chunks? WTF? Kwahle kwashuba one time. Everyone is drunk now except Uncle Mthithi. Vele igrosari ilamanyala shame. Ngatsho Image
16. Sebembambile uToby kodwa uyapopota. This is delela. Busy chowing our mbuzi and nice food and drinking our beer and you buy us chunks like we are some kind of Masabatha. Even a Wh*re by Barow there can't accept your machunks. Sekublind manje. Abanye sebevumelana laye khathesi Image
17. Then ngizwe 'And you Robyn, what's your hand doing holding MaNukisa's junk?' Kuthi dlwe, uMaNukisa yimi. OkuRobyn besekuzibambele igear box KaMthwithi. Eish am doomed! Sekushubile bafethu. Tshayeleliyani imbodlela phansi. Sephunyukile uToby and is baying for blood Image
18. Ngazi ngaphi? Dabu Pesu. Ngadla phansi. Ngadla bayi bayi. I ran for dear life. AmaKharadi in hot pursuit. Ngapha kuyamemeza: MaNukisa Wait, Lets Talk. We are now family. LoRobyn laye uzwakala esithi You guys leave them please. Mina 100k/hr. Kuyakufakha aphu okungo Ekse Image
Hayi boJo... okunje angikaze ngikubone. Umfana lokuthi kwahamba njani angikwazi. Ibhalansi yami for ukuyamvelela ayisabuzeki. END

ReTweet and use #UmnxebaWodumo

OkweZanu, istory yiso
#ZanupfMustGo Image

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
　

Keep Current with Umalume Nobhala

Umalume Nobhala Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @UncleMthwithi

Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
Jan 13, 2021
1. Chronicles of an Exiled Citizen
A thread

One thing that our people must be liberated from is fear. Fear of the known & unknown. Fear of the assumed. Generally, most of our people are both slaves and prisoners to fear. Fear rules us. Decisions we make are based on our fears
2. After the July 28 break-in at our home, alot of our people have distanced themselves from us. They feel that should it be known that they are related to us or connected to us, they will be vulnerable and the state will attack them in our stead
3. Some do not take our calls anymore. They believe the State has a way of using the calls to trace them. I gave one guy my contacts via a secure platform. He gave me his. Immediately an unknown number called him. Me thinks it was coincidence. He thinks it was someone snooping
Read 17 tweets
Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
Oct 22, 2020
1. After Dr Dumiso Dabengwa died and the family successfully snubbed a heroes acre burial as per his wishes and the presidency snubbed his funeral, many ZPRA cadres have made me custodian of their burial wishes via wills and commissioned statements...
2. They complain about how government ignores them in life, lets wallow in poverty and be harangued by hunger only to give them Grand Funerals. Dr Dabengwa used alot of his resources to assist them. After he passed on many have remained neglected
3. I generally, enjoy spending time with leaders of different stages of periods of our history and now. Veterans & Chiefs are my favorite though. The stories, the honest criticism, the humour and the wisdom is amazing. After about 3 months in exile, I called some to touch base
Read 6 tweets
Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
Sep 22, 2020
#NdebeleTwitter herewith Season 2, Episode 1 of #UmnxebaWodumo.

My Hillside Experience

It all began when I met uGalvin. Sagidla sonke eMoray but yena yilezana ezazingaboni nex. So he tells me he is now a waiter. Phela bragging about jobs is the new ntenene bragging contest Image
2. Nxa sifika ku parking he gets into a very expensive car. Ngangenwa yingubhane madoda. This guy owayekopa Kimi ama Corrections is now driving this sexy thingumabob? Zimbabwe ilesono shame. My ego was sodomised I tell you. He saw it and said, don't worry call me. I can help you Image
3. After serious thought, ngimfonele after 3 days. He tells me ukuthi akwenzi ukuthi sikhulume over the phone. I must go to his work place siyexoxela khona. I just cudnt believe it! Galvin wama ansa arongo now has power to call me to his office? Kunzima bo Jo Image
Read 17 tweets
Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
Sep 2, 2020
Herewith Thread 4 of my experiences #ChroniclesofHope

Thread 4: The Bad days.

Being in hiding is a game of mental strength and for those whose backbones are clad with iron. Especially those of us who want to go home and not to Europe
#NdebeleTwitter
#ZimbabweanLivesMatter Image
2. The 1st days are bad. Anxiety. Worry and concern over the well-being of the family. At some point I went for 4 straight days without eating, worried about my children. I just can't believe I can be this helpless and watch them bullied. A friend sent this about Cde Umile Image
3. The worst is that in the day that the State goes rogue even relatives blame you for it. They castigate us for 'ukuqala iZanu'. Very few want to assist. Majority does not want any contact lest they are endangered. To get a relative to house my family was a futile effort
Read 13 tweets
Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
Aug 30, 2020
Herewith Thread 2 of My experiences #ChroniclesofHope
Thread 2: Temple Run, Ferret enablers.

So the guy who led the Ferret Team to my house is Tapiwa Moyo of Nkulumane. We have failed to get his photo but we will give infor that will enable all of us to look for his photo
2. This Tapiwa at one point was a member of Joice Mujuru's Party Zimbabwe People First. He wanted to be Bulawayo Province chair person and had a serious fued with one Esnath Bulayani over the post. He has been deployed to Spy on Jabulani Sibanda former War Veterans chair
3. So a few days before they attacked, we got Intel to the effect that he has been deployed to follow me around and confirm where I stay. Sure enough he was monitoring my movements. He didn't know I notice him or that I know him. I played along. Then one day I made a grave error
Read 10 tweets
Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
Aug 30, 2020
As promised herewith the thread about my experiences. #ChroniclesofHope
Thread 1: The Clouds Gather

It all started with a WhatsApp Chat below on the 1st of May. This is 2 months before the July 31 Demonstrations was announced. At this point nothing suggested that am in danger
2. Everything was normal in the Zim sense way. Somehow, this message confirmed with my spirit. Something was afoot in the horizon and God warned me through someone I least expected. I needed to start preparing for that fateful day
3. I had seen how @JoeMzacaNgulube had been in activism & remained unknown in these streets. I decided to grow my Following. I had 386. I changed my content and used my other talents: Humour and Storytelling via #UmnxebaWodumo. I also embraced #NdebeleTwitter. I grew to over 2k
Read 21 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal

Or Donate anonymously using crypto!

Ethereum

0xfe58350B80634f60Fa6Dc149a72b4DFbc17D341E copy

Bitcoin

3ATGMxNzCUFzxpMCHL5sWSt4DVtS8UqXpi copy

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us!

Send Email!

:(