Thread by @style_overlord

A lot of bizarre things have happened in my life but none of them compares to how i almost lost my life because of woman.

#threadstorytime

It all started about a month ago, i decided to take a break from furiously pursuing igbo girls as it seems like they live off the tears of yoruba guys. Fortunately for me i stumbled on Feyi's TL, slid into her DM & the rest they say is history.

Feyi looked like she walked out of one of my many daydreams...her caramel skin looked as soft as if you could cut it with a butter knife, teeth whiter than hotel bedsheets, had a smile that could disarm even terrorists & a voluptuous body that made everyone around lose

concentration. We had been talking for a little over a week before she agreed to meet me in person, she invited me over to her house at Ikeja.

On the Saturday we were meant to meet up, i decided to wear my Dr Jykl & Mr Hyde Tunic set that i got from @debonairtouch and i sprayed my brother's blue Polo perfume he got from @themancaveng (thankfully he wasn't around 😅)

I finished off the look with my Dad's favourite pair of shoes (thankfully he was out of town on a business trip) which he got from @cob_ng. I had only one chance at a first impression and i was going to kill it!

I made a quick stop at the ATM to withdraw my last 4k to buy her debonair's 🍕 because sweet girls like Feyi only deserve the best in life! The NGN500 left after the purchase was my transport fare to and from her place. I got to the bus stop and boarded a bus going to ikeja.

Surprisingly the occupants of the bus were all men but it didn't bother me because i was busy admiring pictures of Feyi that i had saved on my phone. I looked up after what seemed like 10 minutes and the environment didn’t look familiar at all!

Me: Driver where we dey? Na ikeja I dey go o!
Driver:
Me to the person beside me: Abi this driver dey ment?!
Driver looking back: Your Fada! Scorpion collect him phone!!
Me:

Suddenly, i received a slap from the guy sitting next to me that bleached my cheek white and left me dazed momentarily. By the time my ears stopped ringing and i stopped seeing stars, the conductor (scorpion) was brandishing a rusted cutlass..even if the cutlass didn't kill

Me the tetanus it obviously carried would have done the job!
Scorpion: bring your phone!
Me: please bros, i be your younger brother....no do me like this!😭
S: you want make i give you short sleeve?
M: No! No!! Take...take..take!!!😭

S: empty your pocket!
The guy sitting next to me help my wrist in a vice like grip and held a pocket knife in his other hand.
I handed the NGN500 to scorpion
S: Be like say short sleeve dey hungry you abi! Where the remaining money?
M: oga abeg i be student! I no get money

S: see as you dress...you think say i be fool abi? Oya wetin be your password & your @ecobank_nigeria app password?
I told him. He unlocked my banking app but was greeted by cobwebs and dust!
Scorpion livid: Bad market! Chai!!
Driver: wetin happen?!

S: Na packaging! Him no get money!
D: Mess up! Scorpion, why bad luck dey always follow you?
I received 2 more deafening slaps from the guy beside me then he proceeded to bite me (maybe he thought i was cake 🙄)
S to the driver: wetin we go do now?
D: collect him cloth & shoes

Maybe we go fit sell them
Me: please don't do this! I BORROW MY PAPA SHOE, ABEG!!!
Me:

Scorpion licked the edge of the matchete... nobody had to tell me again to strip before i did. They rubbed aboniki balm on my eyelids and dropped me at a deserted street with nothing but my bruised ego. I know what you're thinking..i managed to find my way home (i trekked till i

had blisters)
The phone and clothes didn't really pain me, what is giving me sleepless nights now is my dad's shoes that i lost! He's coming back in a week and i know he can kill my body and my spirit! 😭

Please take advantage of @debonairtouch's promo & patronize me so that i can raise funds to seek asylum in Ghana, safe from my Father's impending wrath! Also, so that Feyi and i can continue our love because na who dey alive dey love!
I also hear she likes guys in the diaspora 😏

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