Thread by @melvinnasasira

Life didn't mean anything to her anymore. All the words I thought could change her mind and prolly make her love life once again didn't change a thing about her decision. "My mother is coming tomorrow to check on me and I'd like her to find me when I'm already rested."

I broke down. I knew her not only as my friend but also as a lover of life; a happy and strong woman just trying to make ends meet and provide for her family. But I also knew about her difficult childhood. She was raped once. She was involved in a car accident.

These two had lasting impressions on her. She still gets flashbacks of the two incidents. With my psychology background, I knew it could be either PTSD or BPD. But she also didn't want to see a psychiatrist. She thought it's where they get to tell her that she's insane.

"See Melvin, I know I am not stable and I know I need help, but I just can't go to a mental hospital," she always told me when I talked about seeing a professional. This time though, it was different. In a month, she had taken an overdose of sleeping pills twice.

She was admitted for a few days after one of the overdoses. This happened when we were not in touch. This time, she wanted to do it differently and had called to officially tell me good bye because she thought I was the last person she wanted to talk to.

"Remember the dress I wore on my grad? It's what I'll wear & then, I'll cut my wrist," she told me calmly. I wanted to think it was a joke & kept telling her to snap out of it and be serious. "I know I'm going to burn in hell but I'd rather burn than live this life!" she told me.

I thought to myself: "people who commit suicide don't tell anyone about it before they do it," but I didn't wanna take any chances. I always knew she had signs of PTSD & BPD including emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity & poor relationships.

So, although I felt like this was weird and incomprehensible, I knew it was possible. Besides, she had already told me she had unsuccessfully tried twice to commit suicide. And she is so many things but a liar. There was no reason she should be lying to me anyway.

I told her I was gonna help her start therapy with a professional even though at that time I didn't know how to even help. I only knew there is a psychiatry department at Mulago Hospital, which is supposed to be free🤷🏿‍♂️.

The thing that was on my mind at that time was convincing her she can still have a better and happier life ahead. I didn't want her to give up. She's the smartest of the girls I have ever met in this country and I have lived in 3 decades. She's also very kind and compassionate.

I told her the world still needed her. Her family, her mother — especially, still needed her. After their father died in the early 2000s, she & her mother took over responsibility of the family. She paid some of her siblings' school fees. She worked many jobs to help the mother.

In college, she got sponsored by a good organization and she took good advantage of the opportunity. She got a first class and was the best in her class. In her house, she has a framed picture of her in colorful dress smiling shyly while holding her certificate for best student.

Her story is one of happiness & sadness. I have only decided to give a little more detail on the happy side to show u that mental breakdown can happen to anyone no matter how strong, smart or well you're doing in life. Everyone is vulnerable. No one's too strong for a breakdown.

We just need to be there for each other. Let's look out for each other.

"Melvin, I'm going back home now. I'll call you when I get home," she hung up. I waited the whole night for her call but in vain. I called her the time I knew she had reached home and continued calling...

...throughout the night but she didn't pick. My head had images of her lying on the bed, her arm hanging over the floor bleeding from the wrist. I kept pushing away these thoughts but it wasn't working. I kept blaming myself. I shouldn't have believed her promise to call me back.

I should have taken a boda boda to her home and spent the night with her. The exam I had that night could have waited. I don't believe in superstitions but I did that night. A mysterious cat standing on the perimeter wall cried twice in a voice that sounded so human.

If you are African enough, you prolly know what that is associated with. I wanted to chase down that creature of God and ask whether it was sure about what it was doing.

Around 6AM, my friend called me. She was alive. Thank God.

I am happy to tell you that on Friday, the next day after that horrifying night, she met a psychiatrist for the first time & she's meeting him again Wednesday next week. Saturday evening, I went to visit her at her office. She is excited about the next visit to the psychiatrist.

"I am past that chapter now, Mel. I love my life and I want to live a very long life. I won't let life fchk me up. It's for me to fscgk. Not the other way round," she told me smiling. I stood up, hugged her really long and I told her "your journey to greatness is just beginning".

I couldn't be prouder of her.

Love the people around you. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. Be optimistic about life. And always remember, the world is better with you in it, even though you can't see it. I've not shared her reasons for contemplating suicide because

I didn't share the reasons why she wanted to commit suicide because I didn't ask her. They don't matter. No reason is small or big. Good thing she's here for the long haul.

Take care of your mental health, my people.

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