Thread by @wanlangjis

can we please take a moment to imagine the hilarity of wangxian going on the newlywed game show and either a) completely annihilating their opponents or b) disagreeing a lot more than one would expect

host: wei ying, we asked lan zhan over here what part of your body he likes the most. what do you think h-

wwx: definitely my ass.

host: ...that's correct

lwj: *holds out his hand proudly for a high five*

host: lan zhan, we asked wei ying here what your favorite activity to do together is. what did he say?

lwj: that is simple. wei ying and i love to garden together.

wwx: *flips over his answer and it says 'bed stuff ;)'*

lwj: Why Would You Say This On National Television

host: wei ying, we asked lan zhan to rate your cooking on a scale of 1 to 10. what did he give you?

wwx: omg obviously a 10!

lwj: ....

wwx: why aren't you saying anything lan zhan

lwj: ...

wwx: lan zhan flip your answer around

lwj: no

wwx: lan zhan.

host: lan zhan, we asked wei ying: who fell in love with who first?

lwj: wei ying fell in love with me first

wwx: omg lan zhan!! that's exactly what i put 🥺

lwj: i would like to elaborate that i don't actually believe this. i just knew that would be your answer.

wwx: ...

host: wei ying, whats the thing lan zhan loves most about you?

wwx: oh, he tells me this all the time. he loves my smile, my laugh, my creativity, how adventurous i am-

host: we said one thing... you just made this a lot harder for him

host to lan zhan: we asked wei ying what you love most about him. what did he say?

lan zhan: It is impossible to list one thing. I love his smile, his laugh, his creativity, how adventurous he is-

host: wtf

host to wei ying: we asked lan zhan, what do you do that drives him crazy?

wwx: oh! haha, well... nibble on his ears i guess

host: ...

lwj: ...i said you eat with your mouth open sometimes

wwx: i see i grossly misunderstood the question.

host to wei ying: we asked lan zhan, which of you two is the most organized?

wwx: omg this is a hard one!

lwj: no it isn't.

host to wei ying: we asked lan zhan to name your least attractive quality. his answer wasn't exactly valid, but...

wwx: *sighs* let me guess. he said, "Everything about Wei Ying is attractive."

lwj: and ill say it again.

host to lan zhan: we asked Wei Ying to tell us which of his family members you get along best with

lwj: Jiang Yanli

wwx: *grins mischievously* I said Jiang Cheng

lwj: .....I do not believe you actually said that.

wwx: see for yourself pretty boy 😘 *hands him paper*

lwj:

host to Wei Ying: same question as the last round. which of lan zhan’s family members do you get along best with?

wwx: lan huan!

lwj: the answer I chose was uncle.

wwx: ...

lwj: pretty boy.

host to lan zhan: we asked Wei Ying to remember what song was played during the first dance at your wedding. What did he say?

lwj: wangxian

wwx: *clears throat*

lwj: *sigh* dot mp3

if any of you have one please don’t be shy to tweet it, I’m sure you’re all more creative than I am 😭

host to lan zhan: while wei ying is backstage we'll ask you, from 1 to 10, how attractive does he look right when he wakes up?

lwj: 20.5

host: uh. *laughs* well with an answer like that we certainly know who's sleeping on the couch tonight for costing them the game!

host to wei ying: we asked lan zhan how attractive he thinks you are right after you've woken up in the morning

wwx: 20.5, probably

host: .......

host to lan zhan as wei ying is backstage: complete the following sentence: "the next time my husband leaves his [blank] on the [blank], im tossing it out the window"

lwj: his clothes on his body

host: this is a family show

i accidentally continued this thread under the wrong tweet so excuse the double posting of the next couple tweets 👀

host to lan zhan: while wei ying is backstage we'll ask you, from 1 to 10, how attractive does he look right when he wakes up?

lwj: 20.5

host: uh. *laughs* well with an answer like that we certainly know who's sleeping on the couch tonight for costing them the game!

host to wei ying: we asked lan zhan how attractive he thinks you are right after you've woken up in the morning

wwx: 20.5, probably

host: .......

host to lan zhan as wei ying is backstage: complete the following sentence: "the next time my husband leaves his [blank] on the [blank], im tossing it out the window"

lwj: his clothes on his body

host: this is a family show

host to wei ying: we asked lan zhan, if you two had a child, who would be the strict parent?

wwx: we actually have a little a-yuan so this question is easy haha. it's lan zhan.

lwj: i put it was you.

wwx: ...

lwj: you wouldnt buy him the toy he wanted

wwx: say sike right now

host: wei ying, where's the most public place you guys have ever 'done it'?

wwx: oh. lan zhan's uncle owns this library, so... i wont say more because i know he's watching.

lwj: *slowly turns board around, which says 'im sorry uncle' on it*

host: lan zhan, we asked wei ying to guess what you would choose to save in the case of a fire: your phone, your computer, or your wallet?

lwj: wei ying.

host: that's not one of the options.

lwj: then this is a flawed question.

wwx: i told you he'd say that.

host: wei ying, we asked lan zhan - who is the better kisser?

wwx: lan zhan

lwj: it's wei ying

wwx: no

lwj: yes

host: ok let's move o-

wwx: maybe we should... kiss right now to find out

host: no

lwj: ...i think that would be the best way to settle this

host: NO

host: the next question for our couples is "when's the last time your significant other wasnt in 'the mood'?" lan zhan, you'll be sitting out this round

lwj: why

host: wei ying started laughing as soon as i asked the question and would not stop long enough to give me an answer

host: lan zhan, we asked wei ying to name the best gift you've ever given him. what did he say?

lwj: my heart.

wwx: lan zhan 🥺💕

also wwx: *discreetly yet furiously starts erasing 'big ass bottle of emperor's smile' off his board*

host while wwx is backstage: lan zhan, who proposed to who?

lwj: this is a difficult question to answer.

host: haha why? it's not like you two-

lwj: we coincidentally proposed to each other on the same day.

host: .......of course you did

host: wei ying, what would you say is lan zhan's worst habit?

wwx: if i say something he doesn't like, he pretends he can't hear me

host: is that true, lan zhan?

lwj: is what true

wwx: SEE

host: lan zhan, how many times in the last month has wei ying woken up before you have?

lwj: that has never happened.

wwx: *flips board* i said 10 times

lwj: wei ying. it does not count if you never went to sleep in the first place.

host: lan zhan, which of these do you think describes wei ying more: brains or beauty?

lwj: yes.

host: wei ying, besides 'I love you,' what three words are guaranteed to make your husband emotional?

wwx: *turns to lwj, brushes his hand against his cheek* my lan zhan

lwj: wei ying....

wwx and lwj: *bring their faces closer together*

host: for fucks s-

>cut to commercial

host: wei ying, we asked lan zhan what he would change about himself to make you happy. what did he say?

wwx: ...lan zhan.

lwj: yes wei ying?

wwx: if you wrote anything down on that board, i'm going to have to be dragged off of this set for the words that come out of my mouth.