Thread by @paushinski

#IKnowAGuy: The Real ***kboys of Nairobi.
Ssn IV Ep II.

Nzisa, Sue, Terry & Joy kwa ki-SUV, doing an all girls trip to in a SUV. They are all very gojias. Somewhere on the Nairobi - Mombasa Highway, the car slows down to a halt. Way past Manyani, and much closer to Voi.

#TRFNrb

***
Disclaimer: This story may trigger emotions for some harm is outrightly intended. Similarity of names purely coincidental.
***
They know a bit about cars, so they turn away every form of help that comes along. Truck drivers, buses, even cops and rangers.

Wanabishana na gari.

They call Odhis here and Omosh there but all suggestions don’t help. Nzisa finally calls her dad, and her dad tells her to try and get the car towed to Voi.

Kidogo, a nicely done silver / grey LC79 double cab pulls up. They remember seeing it in Sultan Hamud. They’d admired it.

Two guys chomoka. Shorts and vests. They are almost handsome. Salaams.

They ask the girls if they need help. They say they need to get to the closest town. They’re headed to Mombasa, but gari imejam. The boys want to take a look at the car, but Nzisa insists it must not be done.

They agree to tow them to Voi. They funganisha the cars The girls jump into the Land Cruiser.

Oscar drives the truck, Jerome steers the CRV. On the way to Voi, Nzisa’s dad calls. He says, ‘Ask the breakdown guys to take you to Wundanyi town. I'm sending you a number to call.’

The boys are game, besides, they were planning to sleep in Mombasa. They drive into Wundanyi, and are directed into the Law Courts parking. The APs there say they have instructions to protect the car.

Nzisa counts 10K in brand new crisp notes. She tells the boys, ‘Hii ni fuel.’

Jerome says, ‘Iz bilas! No need. Thanks.’

She says chukua.

Jerome, or JJ, refuses.

Oski’s eyes refuse to blink, but there’s nothing he can do. The boys drive off into the Sunset.

The girls find a motel. In the morning the boys call to find if they are ok. They say wako sawa.

Her dad sends another car, with a driver and a mech. Akina Nzisa proceed as the mech gets to work.

Mtoto wa geti kali.

5 hours later wakaingia Kilifi. It’s 2 days to the New Year’s party. They put up in a posh hotel, and immediately start having the time of their lives.

On 30th, they’d reserved a table at this nightclub. Some minutes after they check in, some 6 guys appear.

All tables are reserves, the waiters refuse. Boys wakazusha. They talk to a managers who squeezes a couple of tables for huko nyumaaaa, they are almost not in the hotel.

But it’s ok. They don’t care. They are here for the dance floor. They are already drank, sasa ni ku-sip tamarind juice vile ule ngati alimumunya regency.

At the dance floor Jerome sees Sue, one of the SUV girls. They chat a bit. Both say they are here for the New Years Party.

He takes her to the table on the outskirts of Kilifi, and with the aid of alcohol explains to his friends how they met, and now they are ‘best friends.’

Sue akawsalimia then takes JJ and Oski to the other girls.
‘Guys, ebu look who’s here as well?

Magoteshons nini nini.

The girls rukia Jerome and Oski, hug them, and exchange small talk.

In between conversation, the girls say they have been friends 10 years, since Form One in LCVR. Ati Nzisa is just back from the UK. They had missed her graduation, and this trip is a graduation party.

JJ offers to buy Nzisa a drink, a graduation gift. She declines. She says she is ok. He insists. She refuses still. A little more small talk, and then the boys go back to their table in Marsabit.

Soon both JJ’s and the girls’ table are all on the dance floor. Save for Nzisa.

Sue tells him aende amuongeleshe. He goes.

Akamwambia her friends have gone all out for her at least ajifanye ananienjoy. They negotiate kidogo. She agrees. He's showing her moves from the East, but she is moving like those Westie girls. JJ akajaribu kumfunza salsa mwitu.

Wapi?

He offers to buy a drink again.

This time she agrees. They move to that island bar at the center of the hotel.

Nzisa: Do you buy all the girls you meet a drink?
Jerome: No. Just the beautiful ones with beautiful names celebrating graduations. Do you always give people money?

Nzisa: Just the handsome ones who help tow cars.

Girls aka-giggle. Boys aka-giggle. Wakagonganisha glasses ‘Cheers.’

Nzisa: So what do you do 'Jerome?'
Mans: Call me JJ. I’m a pilot.

Akatoa business card. Title is Head Pilot. Some famous healthcaire airline NGO sorta name.

JJ: And you, what do you do?
Nzisa: I just came back. But I think I’ll rest for about 3 months before I go working for the family construction business.

Story story. Cake ikakwom. JJ is given. Sasa ata amewacha mabeste wake sasa he is one of the girls.

Shots. Dance. Make merry.

Huko 3/4am, akina Nzisa are drunk enough. Jerome tells her to stay a bit, he’ll drop her.

Nzisa: I have a boyfriend.
JJ: (Tries to be funny.) Will he take you back to your hotel?
Nzisa: Goodnight.

Akaenda na mabeste wake.

Next day watu wakavuka mwaka vile Kilifi hufanya.

...

2nd January, on the way back to Nairobi, Oski na JJ meet them again. They stop by the side of the road, wakasalimiana, alafu wakaendelea na safari kurudi mjini.
.

A month later, Nzisa meets JJ at Galleria. She notices the car. She peeps. JJ is huko, just playing with his phone.

He says he's waiting for a friend to come out of Nakumatt.

They chat a bit. She says she really likes his truck, and would consider buying one like it.

She asks to test drive it, Akaizungusha hapo kwa parking and then brings it back.

Shortly this chic comes from the mall.

She says hi. JJ introduces them as friends.

Nzisa notices they are too comfy for just friends. Wakaambiana kwaheri.

Usiku Jerome calls her.

He asks if she's serious about the truck. She says yes. Her new job requires an all terrain car and she like it.

He offers to help her.

She asks how much.

JJ: Hii nilichukua shell kwa NGO fulani. Nikaisuka mdogo mdogo. Tuseme kama 2.5M ndio ifike hapa.
Nzisa: Ei. Hiyo ni mob. Sidhani naweza hiyo bei.
JJ: Noma ni kupata gari iko na engine na body mzuri. After hiyo the rest is easy.

Nzisa: I am not sure, anymore.

A day later, mapicha zinatumwa. JJ akamshow they do coffee, amu-explain-ie vizuri. 5:30 they are having coffee across her dads building where she works.

They start to bond. Properly. Bonding over cars. Bonding over coffee. Hydrogen bonding ukipenda. They start chatting everyday.

Responses sometimes take hours, but they come all the same. She asks about that chic in Galleria, he says they are just friends.

Soon they start dating.

On her birthday in April, she cancels her ritual family birthday dinner after Jerome amshow anampeleka out.

Things are getting serious. Majina ni Dear, Babe na Honey.

Her mum says, FAMILY FIRST. ALWAYS.

She tells her mum they can postpone the dinner. Kuna kidogo tension but there's little mummy dearest can do. Nzisa anaweza kuwa mang'aa.

Maisha ina songa, mapenzi ikiiva.

Soon ‘they’ find the perfect car.

He takes her to some yard in Gigiri. Introduces her as ‘wifey.’ Ana-blush ku-bush. They guy wants 2.2M. She likes it. She talks to her dad.

Her dad wants to go take a look but she says she wants to make this decision. Her dad should trust her.

Later she tells JJ, nimeambiwa 1.8 mwisho. The car guy ‘says’ 2M mwisho. He offers to loan her 200K. She can pay later. Ata kama ni 2030. He's committed for life.

Msichana anayeyuka tu.

She even goes ahead and decides to calls her car ati Jerome anga sijui firstborn.

Wacha tu.

Now they are doing life together. Movies, concerts, trips and kayaking through the grand rapids.

End of June Nzisa’s grandma dies. She's devastated. Mr. Rubani steps in, akachukua mpaka ‘leave’ to be there. He's huko kwa funeral committee, WITH HIS MUM, at coordinating stuff.

At the burial, he gets a real picture of akina Nzisa's money. They are not rich, they are wealthy.

At the end of August, he asks her to move in with him. She asks her mums and she tells her not to. They fight.

Wasichana hawasikiangi.

Nzisa's mum tells her dad to talk to her.

Dad: I am hearing a lot about this Jeremy boy, who is he?
Nzisa: He is just a friend.

The dad tells her mum to tell Nzisa awache pupa.

Nzisa says they have intentions to get married.

PS: She's on contraceptive, coz of a project in the office that needs her travelling a lot.

The first thing they do, is synchronize their living. They open 4 joint accounts, and shut all individual accounts down. And then they get two ATM Cards for each account.

Say it with me, #SafeIsSmart
SAFE. IS. SMART!

He comes in with the noble idea that they all declare assets.

Chic says she has about 12 acres across the country. Plus she has her own apartment and is a shareholder, entitled to quarterly earnings. She is a joint owner of homes karibu na Vipingo.

Msee produces a few title deeds, 6 acres across Kamulu, Utawala and Ruai. That’s all he has.

She tells him not to worry.

NIGH.
ROW.
BEE!

They do the paper work, Jerome says, ‘In fact wacha nikuweke wewe na your mum as my next of kin. In case anything happens to me. I feel I can trust her. She has really raised you well.’

Msichana amesoma, 'No, let's put all our mums.'

Two months after she moves in, mans starts changing. While they lived a part, he travelled a lot. Now he barely goes to work. During dates, he'd come wearing Pilots’ uniform, now he is mostly in T-Shirts and Shorts. Then he started talking a lot more about mum this and mum that.

The mum was a councillor until she lost the last election.

JJ's mother becomes fully involved in their everyday living. Initially it was kind and sweet but it became overbearing after a while.

Alafu it always occurs to her that he is telling his mum everything. Anashangaa sana.

Alafu the mum was visiting everyday. She’d sit, eat dinner, and then JJ's drops her in Umoja. A big distance. And then sometimes he’d leave the house early to take pick her from Umoja so that she can come and chill in their house.

She says stuff like 'Nzisa hivyo ndio ulifunzwa?

She’d say things like Junior hapendi ugali soft. Mara Junior hapendi mboga. Ebu kimbia kwa butchery kabla ifungwe ununue maini umpikie.

When she’d complain to JJ about it, he’d say ‘She didn’t mean it badly.’ Other times anamshow, ‘Heh. Mathe is the law. Akisema kitu, fanya tu.’

One day, Jerome tells Nzisa, nimechoka kupeleka mum kila usiku. Tumnunulie gari. She chomoas savings and give Jerome 250K aongeze wanunue kitu ata ya 500. Shortly his mum is driving.

Alafu pressure ikaanza, “You guys, when is the wedding? Me I don’t want a child out of wedlock.”

She stukas. Ala, what is going on. She brings it up and he be like, ‘Mathe is right.’ She tells herself she is not in that kind of a hurry.
.
One day, Jerome’s mum tells him, ‘I am meant to be having a meeting. I don’t want them to come to Umoja. I’ll have the meeting here.’

Friday, a day to the meeting, Jerome’s mum after dinner, tells Nzisa amtandikie anataka kulala.

Nzisa akashtuka. Jerome says, ‘Oooh, mathe asked to have a meeting here kesho and I said yes. I didn’t tell you? Iza ni kama nilisahau.’

Nzisa is pissed. She doesn't prepare the bed.

Next day, the meeting is on. She sees a guy she is sure she saw before at the car yard in Gigiri.

Aki Nairobi.

Kidogo, Jerome ‘loses’ his job. Ati economy is bad and donor funding is gone.

Girls akamshowa sorry, and she will support both them until he gets some fresh work.

‘In fact, you send me your CV, I talk to Mathe, we see of she can help, coz she knows people.’ He refuses. ‘I want to be my own man.’

His mum’s issue is still bothering her, but she is looking for time and space to amicably sort it out. She plans to get him alone, for sometime.

December, Nzisa wants some space, hao tu, so that they really talk about this relationship. She disguises it as a trip to Coasto to celebrate their love. She wants him to bond with her famo who will be in coast too. A week to travel she goes to the holiday account.

IT.
IS.
ZERO!

The other accounts are intact.

She goes to the bank, they give her statements, and then she carries them home. She raises hell. JJ says her mum had an emergency and he gave her the cash. ‘Kwani unataka mum akufe na tunaweza msaidia?’

JJ texts her mum, telling her Nzisa is mad.

She sends half the cash back. And then she calls Nzisa.

‘My daughter, it is good for you to be of a quiet spirit. Surely this little money is what you are fighting about. Money is not everything.’
So they fight about that too.

‘You told your mum?’

That one becomes a fight too.

He tells her, he doesn’t even feel that holiday anymore.

So she is triple messed mentally.

She goes with her family but mans amejikasirisha. ‘So you are just going to go alone without me?’ She’s gone for two weeks.

On holiday, the dad asks again, who JJ is.

'Just a friend.'

Dad says he wants to see him. Akasema atamleta.

She texts JJ.

JJ’s mum calls Nzisa. ‘Why does your dad want to see Jerome? Juu ya ile pesa kidogo?’

Nzisa is like, ‘WHAT? Hamna siri nyinyi?’

She says at least he is honest.

Alafu she tells Nzisa, wewe ndio mama kwa hii nyumba?

Nzisa sends JJ a text that his mum had sent. 'Itabidii muwache kulala na jeans. Bwana na bibi hawalali na nguo. Fanya bidii uzae ama utapoteza bwana.

Jerome says, ‘Please elewa mathe, anakuwanga hivyo?’

So she tells him, choose between us. He says he is choosing Nzisa.

She says she is going home, amepatie time afikirie vizuri. She tells her mum.

Ametulia kwao siku moja. Knock knock.

Who’s there? BOOM. It is Jerome mother.

Wote wakashtuka. Jerome’s mum says she was in the area and she wanted to meet her parents. On a week day. Suspect much.

The Law: Nataka urudi kwako.
Nzisa: I'm home.

Mama J akanyenyekea akomba msamaha akamwambia she just best for J, she'll leave them alone.

She agrees to move back. Her mum is like, ‘No. Just stay here, or get your own place.’ She insists she is going back to ‘her house.’

JJ’s mum minimizes visits. Analeta tu nyanya na vitungu.

Siku moja, he says that after so many years, they won a court case over his late dad’s land. ‘Huna-kaShamba kengine hapa fadhe aliniwachia, nataka tui-develop, I put up a ka-nice house for you. Nikutoe kwa maisha ya rent.’

She is happy. Getting rid of the mum is bearing fruits. The guy is being pro-active and the small flying jobs are coming through. He even opens up an account for the project.

They visit theland, meet surveyors, tell an architect what they want the house to look like.

They get a contractor, and decide to break ground. Hawana pesa, but he says all his other titles can be put as security as they speak to a lender.

She gets her girls together, they celebrate. She also goes off contraceptives. She is actively trying to get pregnant.

This is it.

Next quarter, she gets some shareholding cash. Akaiweka yote kwa construction account. Akasema tuanze na hii, when the bank comes through, we can top up.

The bank says, they need a more solid security. Nzisa hands over her apartment, together with a title deed.

#ThingsFallApart

Remember the chic from Galleria? She shows up suddenly one day at Nzisa’s office. She is like I have been looking for this guy for sometime but I can’t find him. ‘I know you are together. Please ask him to call me.

Here’s my number in case he lost it.’

Then Jerome’s mum calls Nzisa and tells her to tell her mum, they need to speak. She is more receptive to the conversation. Nzisa’s mum says she will speak to her dad ampe time.

JJ’s mum, shows up at the office and insists in speaking to the dad. Nzisa’s dad refuses to see her.

He tells Mama Nzisa, ‘If there’s anything, I want to hear it from Nzisa.’

At the same time, akina Nzisa family business has a project they have undertaken. They panga launch na handover. It’s invite only, but she invites Jerome to introduce him to the dad. It’s super high level.

Politicians, business leaders, bishops, the guy who lives at the house on the hill. Out of nowhere, Jerome tells Nzisa he had forgotten to tell her that he had invited her mum. She’s has been frozen at the gate

Nzisa is embarrassed, her dad is pissed off. She get’s her let in.

She keeps introducing herself to people as Nzisa’s mother-in-law. She even tells one of the principals she’d like them to attend the wedding, and that she will invite him soon.

Someone in the event asks Baba Nzisa kwani how is he involved with that councillor. ‘Kwani humjui?’

Apparently the woman is trouble wherever she goes.
.
Baba Nzisa assigns someone to really dig up on Jerome and his mom.

The next week Nzisa’s periods do not appear. She is super elated. She keeps quiet about if for a week. She tells Jerome is jazzed.

Jerome's mum is happy too.

That week, the lawyer comes and tells Nzisa’s dad that the councillor has so many land cases against her. And that Jerome is not her son. Not biological, at least.

He says he is not sure, but there is a scam here.

Her dad calls her, saying he wants them to talk urgently.

She dashes home. She is told, this guy and the mum, are crooks. She doesn’t believe it.

Nzisa calls Jerome and asks her point blank how he is related to his mum? He tells her, come to the house we talk.

She refuses.

He says she’s always treated her mum with so much contempt.

And that he is tired, and that the relationship is over. Akuje achukue takataka zake atoke kwa nyumba yake.

She is crushed.

Ati he doesn't even want anything to do with that child.

She asks her dad to get her cops and some guys in the office she goes to get her stuff.

Akifika, she finds the chic from Galleria seated with a small girl. She says, ‘Jerome is late on child support, second month in a row. I know you guys are together, and I do not want any involvement in your business, but he can’t be buying you stuff, and his child is struggling.'

And I am tired of going to court every time. Ndio huyo mtoto.’ Mtoto anafanana na Jerome.

And then 'Tell him my mom needs her title deed ama nitakuja na polisi sasa.'

The cops are like zii, usiwache huyu mtoto hapa.

As Nzisa picking her documents she finds some loan documents.

It was for the construction of the house. They weren't submitted.

She calls JJ, ‘Title Deed na papers za apartment ziko wapi?

JJ: Nilipatia mum atusaidie kutafuta lender.
Nzisa: I thought it was the bank?
JJ: Oh, I did not tell you? The bank said it wont work. Let me ask her.

Shepicks most of what is hers in that house, and starts to leave. As she is about to get out, the caretaker of their apartment tells her, ‘Mulisema aje na mzee. Raundi hii imekaa sana. Sio kama kitambo. Hii itabidi nikate maji na nitoe meter ys stima.’

She keeps walking.

She goes home. Drops her stuff, and dashes to the banks. She checks all their joint accounts.

ZI.
ROW!

They had been cleaned greatly over time.

She runs back to the office, and cries to her dad.

Her dad calls all the favors her can, and pushes all available buttons.

It takes a week before anything tangible happens.

Cops are like, cash nayo, hapo ni ngumu. Hapa kwa joint property ndio kuna hope.

They find JJ. They take him in and they have to redo the transfers. Nzisa brings copies of the pieces of land that they own, zake ni legit.

Everything else is fake.

One of the joint properties has Jerome’s daughter as next of kin. Weh!

Akawekwa rumande until everything is fully transferred. Meanwhile his fake mum is saying her she doesn’t have any idea of what the two are talking about.

They take everything back.

Nzisa’s family has to pay 250K to undo some loan against the apartment, but they get everything back.

Waka achana.
.
One day Nzisa is driving to the office. Akifika City Moirtuary round about, traffic cops flag her down.

Toa license nini nini. They call a break down.

Nzisa says everything is fine, what is the problem.

'Hii gari inatafutwa. Tumepewa warrant.'

Car is impounded, because because there is a loan against it, as security.

It becomes another long story.

They fight kidogo alafu her dad tells her, just let it go.
.

After some while, JJ calls her.

‘Nilikuwa nataka tu kukuambia aki sorry. Nikipata pesa nitakulipa. I really want to be involved in the child’s life.’

Nzisa: Hiyo mimba nilitoa.

That is how the developer's daughter got scammed a good one. By The Real ***kboys of Nairobi.
.
END.

Humble plug, we are still fund raising for my bro.

🙏🙏🙏.

Ok, I will log off now.

https://twitter.com/Milele_FM/status/1300821724016136197?s=19