Thread by @iamjamesiroro

Dear Besties,

If you see your friend's partner with a strange face in a compromising situation, kindly approach them and clarify what's going on.

Please, don't goan be forming watching your friends back and ruin everything.
#irorospeaks

As Besties, you always have your friends back at all times. Nothing is worse than seeing them get hurt, if you truly love them, you wouldn't want that for them.
#irorospeaks

So it is normal instinct to want to let them know what's going on with their partners.

However, experience has taught us that some things are not as they appear.
#irorospeaks

In my previous relationship, I had this experience. I and my partner at the time were going through a rough patch. She wasn't interested in me anymore and I was pleading to make it work.
#irorospeaks

About this time, I had a friend who was my namesake that was out of town. We had been virtual friends for some years now. Always planned to meet but schedules constantly got in the way. #irorospeaks

On this day, she messaged that she was in town and would like to meet. I was home doing nothing at the time. Plus I needed to clear my head based on what was going on with babe. #irorospeaks

I took the offer and we settled to meet at the mall later in the day. At 4pm, I got dressed and head out. Just before then I called babe but as usual she wasn't answering her calls. #irorospeaks

I put that behind and had a good outing with my namesake. We talked bout life and mostly about what was going on in our relationships. #irorospeaks

In honesty, a part of me didn't want leave but time had been far spent. I accompanied to her bus-stop and we shared a friendly hug. Satisfied she would get home safe, I began my journey home. #irorospeaks

I lost track of time and now I didn't want to get home late so I decided to spend the night at a friend's place which was a few streets away. #irorospeaks

I called him and he was fine with that (not like he had a choice though). Since the visit wasn't planned, I didn't carry a spare shirt. #irorospeaks

The following day as I got ready to leave town for home, babe's cousin messaged me that both of them would be coming into town later that day. #irorospeaks

A little background. Since babe wasn't answering my calls, I contacted her cousin to help with negotiations. So that's how I got talking with the cousin. #irorospeaks

I needed to see babe to discuss the issues we were having. So I stayed back and kept communicating with her cousin to know when they would get into town. #irorospeaks

When the hour came, I dashed off to meet with babe in the company of my friend, in case I breakdown. #irorospeaks

That meeting was awkward. We stared at each other unable to utter a word. The cousin tried to break the silence a few times but babe was resolute on not talking to me anymore. #irorospeaks

Babe finally spoke "what's brown powder doing on your shirt"

"What powder" I asked?

All eyes were on the spot she was pointing at. I was lost of words and said "It's probably in the mall, it was crowded when we walked in" #irorospeaks

She said it's was fine and that they had to go home now. I bade them farewell and headed home. #irorospeaks

As I went home I figured how the powder got on my shirt. It was the same shirt I wore the previous day when I was out with my namesake. #irorospeaks

Guess when we hugged I got stained and didn't notice it. I contemplated calling babe to explain or just wait till the following day to call her. Just as I was lost in thoughts, my phone rang. It was babe. #irorospeaks

From hello, she rained insult on me and I didn't even have a chance to say anything. She capped it up with say "Thank God I left your cheating a**" #irorospeaks

I was shocked at her words. Considering what had happened in the previous months. Up till that point, I had never cheated. In fact I cut off interactions that would make her feel uncomfortable. #irorospeaks

I called her back and told her never to disrespect me like this again and ended the call. I got to find out from her cousin that... #irorospeaks

When they got home that evening babe's elder sister told her she saw me with another lady the previous day. Since babe had cut off communication with me, she didn't bother asking me what happened. #irorospeaks

She believed what she was told and called to attack me. I also heard she was told I carry different ladies to the mall on a frequent basis. #irorospeaks

Turns out babe's sister worked at the mall and she constantly saw me there. Not with other ladies but I was always there. The lady was just that once. #irorospeaks

I walked through the mall frequently from work because it's a shorter route to my friend's place and since it's strange to her for a guy to be there alone, she assumed I was always with someone. #irorospeaks

Tried explaining myself but what's the point? Her mind has been made by what she heard. Whatever I said would be a lie and an attempt to justify myself. #irorospeaks

We eventually parted ways but that lesson stuck with me. Never tell someone you saw their partner with someone else without first confronting the person involve. #irorospeaks

If the Sister had approached me, my body language would have sent the message across. A guilty person will make excuses when caught. #irorospeaks

You don't want to in your attempt to be a "good friend" ruin a good relationship based on assumptions. #irorospeaks

Society have painted men to be cheats. The moment you tell your bestie you saw her partner with another woman, she automatic believe the worse case scenario. Whatever the man has to say becomes irrelevant. #irorospeaks

Be a good friend and approach that person. Find out in a polite manner who this stranger is. If your findings are not convincing enough, then let your bestie know what happened and her partners response. #irorospeaks

It's easier for them to process it from there on than just showing up with "Guess who I saw yesterday at the mall with a woman? Your boyfriend" #irorospeaks

That's a bombshell no one is interested in hearing. It sends various thoughts in their head and they begin to justify it before even hearing from their partner. #irorospeaks

Cheating is wrong but please don't assume someone is cheating just because you saw them with someone else in a fancy place. It could be harmless or even a work meeting. #irorospeaks

Also for those in relationship, try to avoid such situations. If you're meeting with someone in a place that might be compromising, let your partner know. #irorospeaks

Never try to protect them from the truth. Let them know in details what you're up to. So they don't get told in a wrong way. #irorospeaks

In the end, let wisdom be your guide. Both as a bestie and a partner.

To your blissful relationship

© #irorospeaks

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