Thread by @glukianoff

THREAD: For Part 5 of our Catching up with Coddling series, we’re taking a look at 3 books on parenting that offer important food for thought on how we’ve gotten to where we are. 1/23

thefire.org/catching-up-wi…

When @JonHaidt and I decided to turn our “Coddling” into a book, we had no idea it would focus so much on parenting, but the more research we did, the more evident it became that Gen Z’s peculiarities come from dramatic shifts in parenting. 2/23

For the types of kids who go to elite colleges, parenting has shifted from relaxed and permissive to intensive, scheduled, and controlled. At best it can be called “authoritative parenting” but at worst it earns the title “helicopter parenting” 3/23

Since we knew we aren’t parenting experts, we consulted people who were, in particular @jlythcotthaims, @EricaChristakis, @BostonCollege Prof. Peter Gray, and @FreeRangeKids.

But since then, some great books on parenting have come out! Here are three. 4/23

Achtung Baby by @sarazaske is the true story of an American mother raising two small children in Germany, introduced to a culture committed to fostering self reliance — selbständigkeit — in its young people. 5/23

amzn.to/34Iz8LK

After 7 years, Zaske returned to the US and was horrified to find how comparatively uncreative, regimented, & stressful her kids’ new grade school in California was. 6/23

She emphasizes that German parents are not magically inoculated from the desire to over-protect. German parents resist the temptation knowing independence & resilience are important gifts they can give to their children. 7/23

On the whole, it shows not only how the country that gave us Huckleberry Finn is now acting in a more authoritarian way towards children than the country that gave us Otto von Bismarck, but also how American parents can do better. 8/23

Next book is @DavidEpstein’s Range, the definitive answer to the “cult of the head start” idea popularized by @amychua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and @Gladwell’s Outliers. 9/23

amzn.to/2XE15mE

Battle Hymn and Outliers led many to believe children must be pushed into hard work in narrow specializations at a young age to give them a head start in our competitive, increasingly stratified meritocracy. 10/23

Range shows that, far from being hyper-specialized, many of the most successful artists, athletes, scientists, & inventors did not focus obsessively on a single goal since childhood.

They took a meandering path, following different passions & learning different skills. 11/23

Hyper-specialization only works in a small number of fields like classical music or chess — it’s downright harmful to society as a whole if the best thinkers only know one narrow field.

Hopefully Range will convince parents to give children time to find what excites them 12/23

The last book is @amychua and Jed Rubenfeld's Triple Package.

Trust me, after using Battle Hymn as the antithesis of the parenting style we promote in COTAM, I’m more surprised than you at my recommendation. 13/23

amzn.to/2GK1ZY9

Triple Package is an interesting and nuanced book about three qualities that cause certain cultures to thrive in market based environments: 14/23

1. They believe they are special.;
2. There is insecurity in the specialness, & one is obligated/pressured to live up to it;
3. Self-control is emphasized and practiced 15/23

The book got me thinking about the deep human need for being challenged — the precise opposite of the fragility we warned about, & certainly presumes anti-fragility among its members. 16/23

One part that stuck out is how the book addresses the studies that seem to show American social mobility has disappeared. I found out to my surprise that many of those studies exclude immigrants and their children.

People like me and my parents. 17/23

I grew up with immigrant and first-generation American pride, around a lot of kids who felt the same.

Rather than downtrodden we felt, well, superior. Harder working, tougher, more resilient, and in some cases smarter than Americans who took the country for granted. 18/23

This is in no small part because we knew that immigrants and first-generation kids are a dynamic and essential part of the American character. 19/23

A 2018 study found that 44% of the Fortune 500 were founded either by immigrants or their children. A 2016 study found that more than half of privately-held Silicon Valley firms worth $1billion+ were founded by immigrants. 20/23

research.newamericaneconomy.org/report/new-ame…

nytimes.com/2017/02/08/tec…

To claim to measure American social mobility while excluding people like me, my parents, & a huge chunk of Silicon Valley, always seemed less like an omission and more like a deception. 21/23

This book also left me wondering again how to raise my own children. Self-control is a no-brainer, but both the idea that they are special, & yet, they need to live up to high standards? 22/23

That seems like the formula for stress, but if done correctly, it could be the good kind of stress that helps you grow and feel more empowered.

Remember, anti-fragility doesn’t just mean that you get stronger from challenge, but that you can wither without it. 23/23

FIN. If you haven't yet, check out our previous "Catching up with Coddling" update on polarization stats! Or, if you're currently in a good mood and don't want to be bummed out, don't!

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