Thread by @stevemagness

Lessons learned:

Every year on my birthday I work my way through a year of scribbling in my notebook. Reflecting on what I've learned.

Here are my 2020 takeaways. If you enjoy them, consider sharing them with others who might find them of value.

A long thread:

The key to building relationships and trust is vulnerability.

It's the reason I'm still close to old teammates. We suffered for a common goal. Pain, fatigue, crying, puking. We saw it all. Being 'exposed' allowed us to drop the facade and accept who we are.

Put your ego side.

No one really cares if you succeed or fail. For most of us the pressure comes from inside. We blow things up to be much bigger deals than they are.

The antidote is a bit of perspective.

Capitalize on the in-between times.

It's small moments that often make the difference. The word or two or behavior after a tough loss is what gets ingrained and remembered. Look for the small moments to connect and teach.

Create space for conversation.

If you lead anybody, the goal is to create real dialogue. Not the superficial kind that we all are accustomed to. That means, creating a space where people feel comfortable and safe to express their actual thoughts and opinions.

Learn Broadly and Deeply.

Read far and wide, in as many fields as you can. But when something catches your eye, go deep. Go down the rabbit hole to get a firm understanding of the nuance of a topic.

The key to successful teams, groups, and almost anything?

Get good people on board, give them support, trust them, get out of their way. Empower them to act.

From teaching to sports teams to business. Too much micromanaging, not enough trust.

We have to actively work to escape the soundbite culture.

We're pushed towards a superficial understanding, but mistake that for actual understanding.

Diets, exericse, political hot topics, etc. All things we feel intimately familiar with so we stop at the superficial level

Be intentional.

Identify what matters to you and what you value, then protect time for that item.

When we're not intentional, we open ourselves up for being caught by the latest buzzing, beeping, flashing item to steal our time and attention away.

We protect ourselves with our illusions.

The self-esteem era backfired because it created a fragile sense of self-dependent on the external. If we want to maximize performance and well-being, we need a secure but flexible sense of who we are.

False Bravado and machoism is a sign of weakness not strength. It's a sign that you aren't able to see reality and come to terms with your own strengths and weaknesses, and the demands you're going to face.

It's much better to embrace reality so you can prepare for it.

Understand what you're body is telling you.

Feelings and emotions are signals. Indicators that something is going on inside. We can learn to understand and discern this language.

Think: An experienced runner who can distinguish pain that means injury and pain that is temporary.

Do good, be good.

Mood follows action.

Sometimes you have to get out the door for the run, or whatever it is you're doing, and then your thoughts and feelings will eventually catch up. Don't wait for the excitement/motivation to be there before you act.

We're used to thinking of things as opposites on a spectrum, you are either happy or sad. Instead, we can experience all of them at the same time.

It's okay to hold two ideas/emotions at once.

Nuance, not either/or.

People mistake leadership and management with power and control.

When it's really about the opposite, autonomy. If you are leading, your goal is to actually give away control. You want to guide and empower your team to not be dependent on you.

When your identity is entirely tied to what you do, then during any challenge or activity where you could succeed or fail, your self-worth is at stake.

Work hard to develop a secure identity based on internal measures, not external.

The #1 factor determining whether a training program will work or not is belief. If you don’t have buy-in, even if the training is perfect, it’s not going to work.

The athletes who improve most all have: Self Awareness to understand their weakness & the humility to accept and do something about it.

If you think a shortcut or hack is going to make the difference in whatever you are pursuing; you are doing it wrong.

If you want to be a great marathoner, you have to run a lot...
great writer? write a lot...

Seeing others behave dishonestly makes you more likely to be dishonest.

Seeing people behave altruistically makes you more likely to be altruistic.

Who you surround yourself with matters. Choose wisely.

Here's to another year of learning and growing. If you have any insights or reflections that you've learned this year, please share them.

If you want to keep up to date on what I'm reading, learning, follow along here, and on my newsletter: thegrowtheq.com/articles/