Thread by @themultibeast

IMO Preventing divorce and broken families starts with how we talk to pre-adolescent and adolescent boys. All other efforts are band-aids.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men" - Frederick Douglas

Boys in the 12-17 years old range should be encouraged by other men to internalize and OWN the following concepts:

Boys and girls are NOT the same

Boys and girls communicate for different purposes

Boys are stronger than girls (This is both a gift and a responsibility)

Biologically speaking, a woman is more valuable than a man

When pairing, her role is to gatekeep sex. Your role is to gatekeep commitment, safety, and security. Pairing is a dance of small trades, testing and creating trust.

Remember:

She CAN take care of herself
But she doesn't want to
And she shouldn't have to
When YOU take care of HER, she is freer to create strong children for YOU

Failing to pursue MASTERY in the following areas constitutes neglect of your masculine gift:

Mental
Physical
Financial
Emotional
Intimate
Spiritual

Without a consistent and disciplined pursuit of mastery in these areas, no woman is safe with you, and you "deserve" nothing, including (sadly) the right to reproduce.

You are not inherently valuable. She is. You can BECOME valuable, but you must create that value for yourself.

You must be both capable & skilled at committing horrific and destructive acts, because that is part of what makes you safe for others, including ur woman & children

You're endowed with an ability to set aside emotion for certain purposes & your most noble purposes require it

A dog feels safe with it's master
A child feels safe with their mother
A woman feels safe with her man
A man feels safe with his higher power

This is the order of the natural human world

Alternatives or exceptions to this order cause chaos and weaken individuals & social groups

Opposites DO attract

So if you want femininity, you must attract it with masculinity

Marriage for you is about a nurturing woman who provides you with food, sex, encouragement, and kids to lead.

But these are effects, not what marriage is "about"...

Marriage is "about" a woman's emotional experience. Like it or not.

You strengthen your own union with her by helping to create and manage that experience for her and with her.

This is leadership

Leadership is NOT authoritative, tyrannical, or dictatorial.

It is influential an inspiring through kindness, strength, acceptance, validation, and a demonstrated ability over time to NEVER abandon those offerings due to any "circumstance"

Emotion is part of our design. The yin in our yang. But ours moves UP, not down. From child to mother, from woman to man, and from man to other men or to a God

That said, we MUST show our humanity

We are the oak tree that sways with the storm, not the unmoving, unfeeling rock

Once our boyhood is over, NO ONE ON EARTH will love us like our mothers did (if we were lucky enough to have that). If we weren't, we CAN'T go looking, because we won't find it (unless we're prepared to find it in belief in a supernatural).

But we will NEVER find it in her.

As a man you are alone, but remember that loneliness is a choice. And there is real meaning and joy in the leadership role

So never lament that your role lacks the safety or emotional indulgence you missed as a kid or that you see your women enjoy. Instead enjoy providing it.