Today in pulp: my top predictions for 2021! This is what the year ahead will bring us and I promise I will be less wrong than everyone else.

Yes I'm getting these in early because I'm so confident... #FridayFeeling
Prediction #1: facemasks will be connected to the Internet of Things in 2021!

They wont work - obviously - but some start-up will do it because it's a) obvious b) stupid and c) involves tech. People will still forget to wear them in shops...
Prediction #2: Scotland will launch it's own cryptocurrency in 2021!

Sort of. Some FinTech firm desperate for PR will try to jump on the independence bandwagon, offering Holyrood a 'new' currency based on blockchain and bullshit. They may also have a bridge they want to sell...
Prediction #3: arse recognition technology will go mainstream in 2021!

As facemasks prevent facial recognition systems from working gait analysis - particularly buttock-based deep learning algorithms - will become a viable alternative. We haven't seen the back of this one...
Prediction #4: the first space wedding will happen in 2021!

Some billionaire will try to wes in low Earth orbit as a PR stunt (no prizes for guessing who), resulting in a very contested divorce in 2022 as both parties made their vows over different continents...
Prediction #5: homework will get more expensive in 2021!

Insurers will claim your home iffi e is a business venture and will increase your premiums, whilst your laptop in the spare bedroom will suddenly attract business rate taxes. They're not daft you know...
Prediction #6: 5G phones will be hot enough to cook eggs on in 2021!

Well at least one brand will. In their rush to jump on the 5G bandwagon someone will rush to market a smartphone with a heat sink that doubles as a griddle. It's a feature, not a bug...
Prediction #7: cable news will screen the first autonomous car chase in 2021.

Yep, someone will leave their autonomous car running, it'll set off down the San Antonio highway pursued by a dozen police cruisers, and TV anchors will breathlessly intone "What does it really want?"
Prediction #8: landlines will be a status symbol in 2021!

As only older (and therefore richer) people have a fixed line phone in future expect this to be factored into credit reference scores in future. If you want a credit card better get a landline first...
Prediction #9: panda viagra will be the breakout pharma product of 2021!

Look, we've got to get them to breed somehow...
And prediction #10: the year 2021 will be LESS CRAP than 2020!

I mean look at this year. How could things possibly get worse?

More predictions another time...

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More from @PulpLibrarian

15 Oct
Time once again for my occasional series "Women with great hair fleeing gothic houses!"

And today I'm fleeing 1971... #ThursdayThoughts
Is she walking on water there?

The Night Of The Enchantress, by Katherine Troy. Coronet Gothic, 1971.
Why does no good ever come of ESP in pulp novels?

Glimpse Into Terror, by Clarissa Ross. Magnum Books, 1971.
Read 11 tweets
14 Oct
For today's #WednesdayWisdom a tale of an unintentionally radical publisher. It only produced 42 books between 1968-9, but it caught the hedonistic, solipsistic, free love mood of the West Coast freakout scene like no other.

This is the story of Essex House...
Essex House was an offshoot of Parliament Press, a California publishing company set up by pulp artist Milton Luros after the market for pulp magazines began to decline. It specialised in stag magazines sold through liquor stores, to skirt around US obscenity publishing laws.
By the 1960s Parliament Press was already selling pornographic novels through its Brandon House imprint, though these were mostly reprints or translations of existing work. Luros was interested in publishing new erotic authors, and set up Essex House to do just that.
Read 19 tweets
11 Oct
"All irregularities will be handled by the forces controlling each dimension." So begins one of the most enigmatic and chilling horror series ever broadcast by ITV. This is ita story.

"...Sapphire and Steel have been assigned.” #SundayThoughts
Britain's ITV network had a strong reputation for children's paranormal drama in the 1970s: Timeslip, Ace Of Wands and The Tomorrow People all featured people with extraordinary powers tackling mysterious foes.
Against this background writer Peter J. Hammond pitched the idea of a new children's show - initially called The Time Menders - to Thames Television. They declined, but rival ATV were impressed by the strength of the scripts and took the project on.
Read 20 tweets
11 Oct
So what shall we look at this evening: Doctor Who The New Adventures, or Sapphire and Steel?

Only one can win and you only have an hour to vote below! Choose wisely👇
I vote thus...
You still have 15 minutes to choose...
Read 4 tweets
10 Oct
And so it begins...

Night Of The Crabs, by Guy N Smith. NEL, 1976.
Read 7 tweets
10 Oct
Happy #NationalAlbumDay everybody! And to celebrate here's my top 5 greatest albums of the '80s.

Are they all from Ronco? YES THEY ARE!
At no 5: Chart Runners vol 1 & 2. Featuring the epic New Wave sounds of Kissing The Pink! (1983). What was "The Last Film" YOU ever saw? I bet it was Tron!
At no 4: Street Level (1980)! Nothing says New Wave more than standing in an underpass wearing shades!
Read 6 tweets

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