"Are you seriously telling me the New York Times has come out against Trump? Man, I need to sit down and rethink my vote." - literally not one person on Planet Earth

THIS JUST IN: for the first time ever, Jack Chick to publish cartoon tract against Satan
Maybe it's just me, but I'm getting a wee bit tired of being told my vote is a matter of LIFE AND DEATH that will determine THE VERY FATE OF THE SOUL OF THE NATION.

Cripes I've seen suicide doomsday cults that are more subtle
<) )╯I'm not gonna vo-ote
/ |

( (> I'm not gonna vo-ote
/ |

<) )> Nyah nyah na nyah nyah
/ |
And I'm ready to light a fart at them

• • •

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More from @karmasjanitor

17 Oct
Update: almost 3 weeks after reporting the hacking of my account @iowahawkblog, this I finally heard back from Twitter Support. Enjoy a chuckle. Image
Let me 'shplain to you slowly what happened, as I have tried with @TwitterSupport.

On Sept 29 my account was hacked. The hacker changed my profile, including my handle (from @iowahawkblog to @barkbiteblog), my @Phone #, and apparently my email.
I know this because when I tried to login on Sept 30, it asked to send a verification code to phone ending in "51." My phone does not end in "51", and besides I never had phone # in profile. I know, my bad.
Read 14 tweets
16 Oct
I accidentally turned off my AdBlocker on Twitter, and discovered that 98% of their ad revenues must come from shitty clickbait slide show websites
It's like one of those pretentious AltWeekly newspapers that only survives because of escort & massage parlor ads
Literally the first 4 ads in my timeline. Congrats on landing some real Tiffany accounts there, Twitter ad sales department
Read 5 tweets
16 Oct
But the Thou Shall Not Share The Forbidden Link Of Evil commandment was working so well
The thing that blows my mind is that everybody thinks this hamfisted link-banning will help Biden
When Jack & Co finish their ForbiddenLink update, I encourage them to Google "Streisand Effect"
Read 6 tweets
15 Oct
Now that that's cleared up, maybe Twitter can appoint some intern to fix my *actually* hacked-hijacked-deleted account @iowahawkblog

Steve Scully: *makes embarrassing tweet* I wuz hacked

Dave Burge: I wuz hacked
This aged well
Read 6 tweets
15 Oct
I continue to believe that it is up to Twitter to decide what content and what users they allow on their website.

I also continue to believe that Twitter is, hands down, the shittiest website in the history of Planet Earth.
But, at this point if Congress enacts anti-trust legislation to break up Twitter into 500 Baby Twitters a la Bell Telephone, I'm not gonna drive to Washington to protest it
I wouldn't be against a content-neutral law that limits any social media site to a maximum of 1 million user accounts.
Read 4 tweets
15 Oct

Hello Dave, this is Kyle Snidker in Remsen, I am the DeKalb sales rep for eastern Plymouth and northeast Woodbury County. I have been trying to get a meeting with your dad, hoping you could help out.


So how bad do you want this meeting? I mean my dad's a pretty busy guy. Maybe you can explain what it's about, and what's in it for me.

I was hoping to show your dad some yield result brochures for our exciting new VT Double PRO® corn hybrids before Spring planting season. If you can make it happen I guess I could give you a couple hats.
Read 8 tweets

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